Making the effort to socialise.

Stay home always! I am contented at home and have even chosen to spend Christmas days at home alone now the GCs are adults. I am not lonely and nobody needs to feel sorry for me!

@ PaynesGrey - "informal dinner parties for 20" ??
How very Margot Leadbetter. I didn't think people did dinner parties any more!

butterandjam

Making a new friend during Christmas dinner would be crackers.

Why not shelve that notion, and settle for a short encounter observing a rather interesting person (while eating some nice food) . Maybe that shy one who hasn't said much.

Sounds a bit creepy to settle for a short encounter observing a rather interesting person (while eating some nice food) . Maybe that shy one who hasn't said much
Do you mean watching them eating?
Kiss of death for "that shy one".
No, social interaction works in both directions.
Nobody expects you to be a raconteur like Stephen Fry, just be yourself, friendly , listening and responding.
I'll bet you're not the only one who can find these things potentially intimidating! Enjoy the company AND the meal!

Do give it a whirl.
I was in a similar position last year. It was a Christmas meal and I didn't know the people well as I'd only just joined the exercise group. I'm rather shy but as we now all meet up for weekly exercise and chat we've got to know each other and it's really nice.

Making a new friend during Christmas dinner would be crackers.

Why not shelve that notion, and settle for a short encounter observing a rather interesting person (while eating some nice food) . Maybe that shy one who hasn't said much.

A friend loves to cook and throws regular informal dinner parties for about 20 people; invitees a mix of around 25% people she already knows and 75% met recently. There’s usually a lot of people there I have never met before. I like it that way as it offers scope to ask people about themselves, find interest topics of conversation and make new friends.

As this is U3A you already have that to talk about. My local U3A has over 700 members. Impossible to know them all. You’ll meet people who attend different interest groups so you have that as a topic of conversation to start with. You could always bat around ideas for new groups, or subjects you would like to hear about at the general monthly meet ups.

My local group has started a WYBIG Whats App group - a Would You Be Interested Group where people can find company for one-off activities. if your group doesn’t have that already, maybe you could sound people out about it.

Social occasions aren’t really about deep conversations - people like to get out of the house and be with others. General social chat can be about what you saw on tv, what’s happening locally, anything really. If you make friends as a result, you can have more personal or political chats one a one to one basis if you want to.

I would go, as the winter nights are long and it’s good to have company and make contacts.

Esmay

I understand how you feel .
Sometimes socialising is just exhausting and staying at home is quiet and cosy .
I'm very sociable so I enjoy talking to old and new friends.
But since my father passed I'm becoming increasingly irritated with people .
They can't stop telling me what to do with my life .
They even lecture and argue with me .
I wouldn't dream of telling them what to do with their lives -so why interfer in mine ?

I'd go to the lunch and then leave early if it's too much .

Yes, this is me. I don't have grandchildren or pets and have not been on a holiday in years because I was a carer to my elderly parents for years. So, in the way of conversation I have little to offer. The friends I had dropped me over the years because I was unavailable to socialise because I was a carer. Trying to rebuild a new life now. I suppose this is where it starts.

Make the effort to communicate, even if it’s a casual remark like ‘the table settings are lovely aren’t they’ or ‘ I’m really looking forward to a meal I haven’t had to cook’ and remember, you won’t be the only person there who feels a bit of an outsider. Enjoy!

Go. You will probably be glad you did. I have been to few dinners where I didn't know anyone and found those sitting by me friendly and felt better for nice food and a good chat.

Yes. Go and leave early if it's too much. At least then you can go home to a comfy read of a good book and have socialised.
I tnink socialising is good for you to exercise that socialising muscle. It is a skill in a way and needs practise.

I understand how you feel .
Sometimes socialising is just exhausting and staying at home is quiet and cosy .
I'm very sociable so I enjoy talking to old and new friends.
But since my father passed I'm becoming increasingly irritated with people .
They can't stop telling me what to do with my life .
They even lecture and argue with me .
I wouldn't dream of telling them what to do with their lives -so why interfer in mine ?

I'd go to the lunch and then leave early if it's too much .

Seating arrangements can be difficult. I stopped going to work Christmas dinners because I realised I didn't really like my colleagues very much!

It can ruin a good evening being sat with the wrong people but I always welcome meeting new ones and realising that they are interesting and funny. Everyone will be feeling much the same.

I say go. Recently I was out with a friend who had invited other friends and they in turn brought a friend. The woman next to me seemed very prim and proper at first, but when we got talking she was very funny, talking about her mis-spent youth and I would really liked to have got to know her better!
Try to find some common ground with whoever you are with and be a good listener.

Hope you go and have a lovely time but if you don't, don't let it put you off trying again.

Tricky one. We are often exhorted to " join things". It's not easy for many reasons.

Personally I have to put the work in or I would be totally isolated.
Perhaps realistic expectations can be part of it( and the skin of a rhino helps! )

Bit of both I think.
U3A is brilliant set up. Very flexible

Go.

Eat the lunch. If you decide you've had enough of the gathering you can always quietly leave just after it.