Behaviour in the Doctor's Waiting Room

DH is a bit deaf and speaks rather loudly too.

Were you anxious, Caleo?

Sometimes we talk at inappropriate times when we're anxious.

I’d have been with your son, someone’s name doesn’t indicate their ‘foreigners’ and most people, particularly professionals, are taught to respond appropriately to those who are hard of hearing.

lemsip keep your voice down is what he meant!

Saying ‘shut up’ was rather rude though!

Why not ask your son why he did that, was it because you were talking too loudly or because your comment might have been taken as rascist. Say you would rather know to save you from embarrassing him again.

(If anybody here is interested in the sociology of it)

ChatGPT
In both lifts and waiting rooms, people perform what Goffman called civil inattention — a ritual acknowledgment of others (“I see you, I’m not a threat”) followed by mutual withdrawal of attention.

It’s a micro-moral behaviour: it protects everyone’s dignity and privacy in close proximity without conversation.

In lifts it’s brief and spatially enforced; in GP waiting rooms it’s prolonged but psychologically sensitive — which strengthens the impulse to maintain silence.

Goffman

Sadgrandma

lemsip keep your voice down is what he meant!

Saying ‘shut up’ was rather rude though!

Why not ask your son why he did that, was it because you were talking too loudly or because your comment might have been taken as rascist. Say you would rather know to save you from embarrassing him again.

Saying ‘shut up’ was rather rude though!

He didn't actually say that, it was to the effect "Shut up!"

I was at a sports event recently and must admit to earwigging a conversation next to me. But my partner, who was also listening, started talking to me about the other conversation oblivious to the fact that if I could hear their conversation they could hear ours, too. I just gave him ‘a look’ and walked away. I was so embarrassed.

I'm with those who say your son wanted you to keep your voice down - probably because your comment could have been interpreted as racist, even if that wasn't how it was meant.

What was he saying? 😲
😁

Sorry, that was to Maybee

I can, however, sympathise because I phoned my surgery today to make an appointment and I did have to ask the person I spoke to to repeat themselves several times as they had a foreign accent and I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying and I didn’t want to make a mistake over the time and place of the appointment. It’s the same when speaking to call centres sometimes; I try to be as pleasant as possible but really struggle to understand them. It doesn’t take much eg just a bit of background noise to stop me understanding what someone is saying. On the other hand I used to overhear some pretty racist comments in the waiting room when I worked at a surgery and I used to have to go into another room for a while because the comments were so unpleasant.

You say you are very deaf and probably don't realise how loudly you speak. My DH is the same.
It would have been better not to comment on the foreign sounding name.
My DH uses a free app called live transcribe which tells him immediately what the doctor is saying. Being deaf is not easy.

Allira

Were you anxious, Caleo?

Sometimes we talk at inappropriate times when we're anxious.

Yes, Allira, I was. Thanks for your understanding. And when I am anxious I over-think . My son is more intuitive than I , which is why he knew intuitively to not chat.

Caleo

Yes Lemsip, but why? That is what interests me. Sociologically.

We've all been there - as children embarrassed by Mum in shop
' Woolies do a better one than this for half the price' or loud words to that effect.
And gone on to embarrass our own children by doing just the same.
I think its the same thing - OK to say it once you're outside, but not while you're actually at the doctor's premises, especially as it's hard to judge how loud you're speaking when you're deaf.

Poppyred

Maybe he was worried in case someone called you out as racist for commenting that the doc had a foreign name.

We are all walking on egg shells in our own country……..

Yup, that would be it I expect.

Caleo

Allira

Were you anxious, Caleo?

Sometimes we talk at inappropriate times when we're anxious.

Yes, Allira, I was. Thanks for your understanding. And when I am anxious I over-think . My son is more intuitive than I , which is why he knew intuitively to not chat.

I'm a queue chatterer - you can meet your new best friend in a queue!

However, perhaps in the surgery, everyone is wrapped up in their own anxieties.

I usually take my Kindle, after an experience many years ago when the doctors were running late with appointments and a woman sitting near me gave me her life story 😬🥱

Caleo

I mean, are there unwritten rules about not chatting in the doctor's waiting room?

The unwritten rule is probably something like

"Avoid saying anything rude and tactless in a loud voice everyone can hear."

Could just be your son's horror of you speaking in public. My son used to hate me speaking to people in shops when he was a child, and although he's improved with age (he's 47) I still see him cringing if I start a conversation with anyone. I once met a nun at a garden centre. I knew her from a cancer support group and naturally went over to ask how she was. Oh the horror! "Why did you talk to that NUN?" he hissed. Apparently "Because I know her" wasn't good enough.

Sadgrandma

lemsip keep your voice down is what he meant!

Saying ‘shut up’ was rather rude though!

Why not ask your son why he did that, was it because you were talking too loudly or because your comment might have been taken as rascist. Say you would rather know to save you from embarrassing him again.

He probably panicked, in case someone heard you.

My son responded by whispering to me to the effect "Shut up!" as if I'd said something rude in company

You don’t say he actually used the words “Shut up!” But “to the effect”
To be fair if you were speaking loudly and making or verging on making a comment which could have been constrained as racist, he was saving you from yourself.

“Construed” not “constrained” - flipping predictive text

I have a foreign name, if I had to pick between someone rudely policing speech and someone saying what you did I would rather sit next to you.

Hi Caleo, it sounds like you have a very well mannered son there. His empathy and good manners ( including social awareness) does you proud.

I was in the Surgery yesterday. The waiting room was full but no one was chatting. I think people are always anxious when they are waiting to see the Doctor or Dentist. So no one really ‘chats’ and besides my eyes were constantly on the monitor to see if my name was next.