Funny things overheard

I was walking behind a mum and little boy many years ago when homelessness first became an issue.
Mum... "Uncle Steve is going to London soon"
Son.." Will he be taking a cardboard box?"
Mum.. "No, why?"
Son .. "To sleep in of course".

I heard somebody describe themselves as “sleep-depraved”yesterday!

Overheard by my DH today outside Lidl as he returned our trolley:

"I came out of the store and was wandering around for 10 minutes looking for my car then I realised I came here in my wife's car today!"

kircubbin2000

keepingquiet

Years ago I took a call at work from the leader of the Royal Marine's band. When my boss returned from a meeting I said, 'Leon Solent rang and wants you to ring him back.'
My boss creased up...

I don't understand that one.

Was it Lea on Solent?

AGAA4

I was driving my two GCs home from school. They were aged six and four at the time.
Four year old - How do you get up to heaven?
Six year old - On an escalator of course!

Years ago elder daughter had stayed up and watched Jesus Christ Superstar on TV and she was telling her younger sister about it in the car.
But why did they cwucify Jesus?
So she explained again and this exchange went on for many miles until eventually exasperation got the better of her and she said
He just upset too many people!

Flumps70

When my youngest was a baby I went into a chemist and asked for baby food. I was told they didn’t have any as it wasn’t the right time of year!!!

Teaching army children in Germany I asked in the Naafi shop why there were no joints of beef or pork and was told Because the men are away on exercise, apparently joints were only cooked if they were home!
Talking after Church recently one elderly lady was very angry that black people were now referred to as ' off colour', so disrespectful she thought. We managed to put her right.

The junior school my children attended had an open evening for parents and their daughters to learn about periods. The lady in charge asked if any of the girls knew where the womb was one girl jumped up and pointed to her head, looking very pleased with herself she said it's next to your brain. Her poor mother looked really embarrassed.

Years ago my MIL was explaining FIL’s recent diagnosis to a friend as ‘Ann Summers Disease’ - she never did get the pronunciation correct, it was Alzheimer’s disease 😂

I was driving my two GCs home from school. They were aged six and four at the time.
Four year old - How do you get up to heaven?
Six year old - On an escalator of course!

adrisco

My aunt was talking to a friend recently and told her that she had been shopping at a certain butchers shop since "before I was born" - still trying to work that one out!

Could she have meant that her mother shopped there while she was expecting her?

Thank you for this very cheery thread!! Great stories!

kircubbin2000 I meant to ask Keepingquiet about that - though I think Lee-on-the-Solent is near Gosport...

Was in an airport recently and a man was talking loudly on the phone. He said No honestly his name is ALBERT HALL!

Same boy when he was 10 had to answer a questionnaire at Sunday School. The last question was”What do you like best about Sunday School”? He wrote in his best joined up writing the thing I like best about Sunday Scool is going home! So honest!!!

My friend said her wound was exasperated when she got an infection.

Many years ago my neighbour’s 5 yr old went to a birthday party. Afterwards his mum asked him about the party food. He said “It was lovely and we had stuff called COLD SORE- coleslaw!

keepingquiet

Years ago I took a call at work from the leader of the Royal Marine's band. When my boss returned from a meeting I said, 'Leon Solent rang and wants you to ring him back.'
My boss creased up...

I don't understand that one.

I was a school welfare helper many years ago and was putting pictures up at the back of a classroom where they were having a history lesson. The teacher asked who knew what the industrial revolution was. Lots of hands shot up. The child who answered said " it was what you promised to do just after Christmas". The teacher and I exchanged looks and I could see he was fighting really hard not to laugh as he explained. I just had to leave the room!
At the same school, I wax in thd staffroom at break time and the infant teacher burst in telling us they'd just had their first birth in the home corner. A little girl had laid on the sofa screaming and a little boy had lifted her dress up and reached under it pulling out a Teddy bear!

I was in Waterstones looking at books and they were selling those bookmarks that are magnetic. Two women were looking at them and one said "How ridiculous, when do you ever have a metal book!!"

Waiting in along security queue at the airport the the American lady turned to her friend and said, ' You think this is bad? Just try travelling with a miniature horse.' I had so many questions!!

Sitting in the doctor's waiting room two women sitting behind me were discussing their ailments. One said " my hip is so bad now I want to be referred to the ornithologist."
I wondered if the expert on birds would be any help.

Many years ago in the lake District there was an American family in front of us at a restaurant. The daughter said I am not eating meat. As the English eat Chipmunks . Had to laugh her dad turn to confront my husband when my husband said you need to give your daughter a better education we don't have Chipmunks in the UK except in a zoo .

Two older women on the bus on said you know who I mean her who's all fur coat and no knickers .

It's not over heard but one the bus with my mom and she thought the person next to her was talking to her so mom joined in the conversation. When we got off the bus I told her they were talking to someone on there phone via an ear piece . Mom said thought they where rude not looking at me when I answered there questions.

In a large Sainsbury's well over 20 years there where baby octopus for sale on the fish counter a little girl asked her dad what they where and what they did. Her dad told her they were octopus and they dragged boats to the bottom of the sea and drown fishermen . Of course she cried . I told her a dad was a liar and explained. When his wife came she told her mom and she hit him round the head. Those where the days . No PC brigade up in arms .

Over 40 years ago, I was pushing my daughter in her buggy down the street when a chap, about 60 and his 2 lady companions were walking towards me. He was explaining something in great detail and his companions were hanging on his every word. As he passed me I overheard him say " So I told them, oh no, it's not for me it's for my tomatoes". I actually stopped dead in the street and nearly ran after them to ask, what was it that wasn't for you but for your tomatoes. I regret I never did as it has been a puzzle constantly since. Gransnetters have you any ideas?

Many years ago after a heavy snowstorm had left masses of icy snow on paths and streets .
Sitting on a bus in front of two ladies I heard one say
" Oh I so miss my Fred he's been dead 6 years now and it never goes away " , I've got no one to clear my path now "

Not something I overheard but something I said myself when I was very young. My sister reminded of it a few times. We were on the train when we were on our way to Blackpool to live when we passed a cemetery. I must have been looking at all the graves when I said in a loud voice "look at all the little Blackpool Towers". My sister said I had the other passengers in stitches.