Funny things overheard

''he knows I can’t swim! HA HA HA!

Where I work, I was in the staff room on a break, and this couple are married and were talking about their 19-year-old daughter, who had apparently been taken ill with a migraine, so was in bed.

He said ''I went into her room to check on her, and you should have seen the mess, her room is a tip!''

She replied ''That's nothing compared to the mess she'd always leave in her nappies when she was a baby!''

I always ignore people's conversations, but this time I literally spat my tea out and creased up laughing!

On a village bus. Two women sitting in front of me. "Have you seen the new doctor? Skinny as a rail. Needs a good meal. What must his wife be thinking of?"

I was the wife .........

My favourite overheard comment was "H'ed be alright if it weren't for his personality, he didn't smell and he was better looking."

Luckygirl3

On a village bus. Two women sitting in front of me. "Have you seen the new doctor? Skinny as a rail. Needs a good meal. What must his wife be thinking of?"

I was the wife .........

Love that 🤣

This isn't a funny story, just something I overheard many years ago. A couple were walking ahead of me in the town centre. She says to him, 'You'll never guess what I've got to tell you!' He says to her, 'No! What is it?' And then they walked on, and I never did find out what it was.

2 men at the next table arguing about prawns. One insisted he always ate them raw like in prawn cocktail and said they were only cooked in scampi.

I was behind two elderly women at the bus stop recently, well they were older than me anyway, one turned to the other and said ‘yes I like her I think she was in Quality Street’
To which the other replied ‘you mean coronation Street’
‘That’s what I said’ the first woman snapped ‘I do wish you would turn your heading Aid up’.
I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing.

Correcting - hearing aid

Overheard in a supermarket ‘We’ll have this tuna, it’s dolphin friendly. You have to be careful because some tins of tuna are actually dolphin’

Overhead on bus, two ladies discussing grandchildren
“ My grandson has got the lead part in the Shakespeare play at his school”.

“Oh, what part is he playing?”

“Well it’s the leading part so he’ll be Shakespeare of course”.

Luckygirl3

In the office I worked in -

Young girl to her boss 'What did you get from the sandwich shop?'

Boss 'I had the Manager's Special'.

Girl 'Oh I would have liked that but I'm not a manager like you.'

Luckygirl3

On a village bus. Two women sitting in front of me. "Have you seen the new doctor? Skinny as a rail. Needs a good meal. What must his wife be thinking of?"

I was the wife .........

😆

I'm loving these!🤣

Many years ago, I was standing watching swans on the pond. The following conversation came from behind me.

You know, swans mate for life.

Do they? What happens if one dies?

I heard that the one left behind commits suicide.

The mind boggles - I had visions of a bereft swan trying to drown itself................

I was on an organised walk which passed through Bladon churchyard, where Winston Churchill is buried. We overheard a tourist looking at the village school building and saying: 'I don't think much of Blenheim Palace, not from the back anyway'!

Luckygirl3

On a village bus. Two women sitting in front of me. "Have you seen the new doctor? Skinny as a rail. Needs a good meal. What must his wife be thinking of?"

I was the wife .........

😂😂😂

Not so much Funny as misinformation.
Young boy asked his Dad what the difference was between plain and self raising flour.
Dad replied that self raising flour had yeast in it.

I asked an assistant in Woolworths where the mothballs were and she asked me what kind of group are they?

Half a century ago - I worked for a large company and was having lunch with a friend at a local eatery. Brother in law of said friend was having an extra marital affair with young secretary on next table. Young girl on next table says: G is taking me out this Friday to.....but his wife (sister of my friend) doesn't know about us yet. I was holding my breath that she would not mention his full name or other details and made sure I kept talking so my friend would be listening to me. Phew!

In a shop listening to 2 assistants as they stocked shelves, discussing someone that needed to see a "vaginacologist" 😂😂

When my youngest was a baby I went into a chemist and asked for baby food. I was told they didn’t have any as it wasn’t the right time of year!!!

A secretary had work had a daughter who was nearing the end of her PhD and was about to make the presentation at the end. She came in late one morning, apologised, and said, ‘I was up late last night helping daughter with her vulva!.’ (Viva)

'Can't swim'. Fair enough if abseiling down a cliff into the sea or river!