Toxic Friend or am I over sensitive?

Her life can't be quite as fab as she's claiming or she wouldn't have time to waste telling you how pathetic yours is! You have better things to do than tolerate her tactless rambling.

You need get a ' friend ' like her ! Get out of the proposed holiday ASAP. If its any comfort for you remember she is probably jealous of your lifestyle. To answer your question- yes she is toxic. How dare she put put you down in this way and critise every aspect of your life!?
Do conjure up an excuse about the holiday, she will probably see straight through it but at least she will get the message. On a second holiday she will repeat her performance, she won't change, please don't waste your money or energy on going away with her again . Be brave and get out if this proposed holiday in Europe by any means you can. Good luck , you have had sound advice on here. I wish you well.

I cannot understand people who track down folk on Facebook, or look up old friends they haven't seen in 30 years. If you haven't seen a person in that time something wasn't working. It's a cautionary tale re holidaying with friends. I'd be saying sorry, Ive got other plans and would suddenly lose her address and phone number. Grief like this you don't need.

The time to "say something" was during the holiday with her.

Why did she do all the talking; didn't you respond to her put downs, or start a new conversation about your own life and interests?

Why are you asking strangers if you should share a holiday again? You must know the answer to that.

Send her a post card " Dear susan; after our first trip I've decided not to holiday with you again".

Why did you think it a good idea to holiday with someone you had not seen for 30 years for goodness sake?

She’s no friend………she’s simply a self obsessed, mean, over critical, verbally abusive sad female……. I won’t even refer to her as a lady. I certainly wouldn’t be going on holiday with her again…….EVER!

I agree with all this- you don't need people like this in your life. I know they exist- going on holiday once with a good friend nearly ended my friendship and I determined never to do it again, and I haven't!

Toxic and arrogant. Fattening up her ego at the expense of your self esteem. You don't need this.

Hmmm. I was in a similar situation except I holidayed with the friend most years. It was always about her, conversations and where and what to do, but I went along with it. Until five years ago and she truly hacked me off with her insensitivity about a situation I was in. I avoided her at the airport on the return trip home, said goodbye at the UK airport and not only have I not been on holiday with her since I haven’t even seen her. Life’s too short to be bothered by someone who has no care for you. Avoid avoid avoid.

Don't waste your time on toxic people.

You know you don’t want to go on holiday with this woman, I imagine you are not in the least bit interested in even seeing her socially again. She is therefore not a friend. So tell her you don’t want to go on holiday to Europe and will keep in touch, which is shorthand for Xmas cards or the occasional text.

Why on earth did you ‘provisionally’ book another holiday for next year?

You must be a glutton for punishment. And you hadn’t seen her for 30 years? How did this first holiday get sorted then?

It sounds as though, despite misgivings, you were quite flattered to be going away with her.

Don’t make the same mistake again. No, don’t ‘ghost’ her, (juvenile and nasty), be upfront, say you’ve changed your mind. No need to give a reason, am sure she wouldn’t.

I would say your 'friend' was jealous of you at school and possibly envious of the life you led later.
Her marriage hasn't turned out so well, her family life may not be as idyllic as she claims, and the subtle put-downs you remember may well be the reason you have chosen not to see her for thirty years.
Just write back and say you are not able to go on holiday with again, nice to have caught up, and you wish her well in the future.

PS, do come back and let posters know what you’ve decided to do.

I think ghosting her would be bad manners. Write her a letter saying you’ve given it some thought and decided that you won’t be going on holiday with her next year. You don’t have to go into long explanations, just thank her for asking you and leave it at that.

Heavens what a bore. Don't worry she is probably on Gransnet and has read this and recognised herself. So she won't be in touch again.

If she does for goodness sake decline another holiday. Better go on your own than go with her.

I think this “friend” is best avoided, to be honest.

I wouldn't call her a friend, and definitely not go on holiday with her, it doesn't sound as if you have anything in common.
She has maybe tried other "friends" before you and been turned down,,

Why put yourself through it again? She's not a friend, friends don't belittle each other or make you feel bad.
Tell her you've changed your mind or suffer another lot of put-downs

Greenfinch

Wow! Some friend. She is totally insensitive, boring and obnoxious. Ditch her. She is probably basically unhappy and jealous of the lifestyle you lead. Avoid going away with her at all costs. Maybe just liaise via email or text.

Good advice.

What on earth possessed you to go on holiday with someone you hadn't seen for thirty years? It was a disaster waiting to happen. Possibly she didn't feel she had anything in common to talk about, so wittered on about her family. At times I suspect I've been guilty of that. However you said she had been like that previously. People rarely change.
I would not mention the holiday next year. If she brings it up, tell her you've changed your mind.

She sounds horrible. If I were you, I wouldn't see her again.

How insensitive can a person be !!!
I have just come back from visiting my widowed, childless neighbour. It’s her 86th birthday.
I would never dream of talking about my children and grandchildren to her, unless there was something important going on.
Don’t go on holiday with her again.

I would cancel, you would be thinking about how bad it could be for months beforehand and you would be dreading it, not a good place to start a holiday.
I think you have both changed and are different people now.
Just accept that.

I am a single, childless woman aged 67. Recently I holidayed in Scotland with an old schoolfriend who I had not seen for 30 years. This friend is separated with 2 kids and 4 grandchildren.

You were friends 30 years ago and haven't seen each other since then. You've both moved on, live different lives and seem to have nothing at all in common.

I'd tell her you won't be going on holiday with her next year; don't ghost her as she won't know where she stands. Just say you enjoyed your holiday in Scotland 🤔 but could you just leave it as sending Christmas cards in future. If you want to, that is.