Toxic Friend or am I over sensitive?

Wow! Some friend. She is totally insensitive, boring and obnoxious. Ditch her. She is probably basically unhappy and jealous of the lifestyle you lead. Avoid going away with her at all costs. Maybe just liaise via email or text.

Personally I wouldn’t go next year, but it’s your choice.
One holiday may have been enough for her to get it all off her chest, but if you remember her from 30 years ago as a a queen of subtle putdowns and you think she hasn’t changed, I’d have to weigh up how much I wanted a holiday partner against how she would affect my personal well being. She obviously upset you this year.

You hadn’t seen each other for 30 years and you go away with her. It wasn’t successful and so you book another holiday with her!? We have friends that we love dearly and have lots of outings with, but going on holiday with them will never happen

I know the type. These not so subtle put downs/plain insults don't do anything for your self esteem or peace of mind, just walk away. Don't question yourself, but look how bitter and unkind she is.

How dare she run down your life and your life style. She sounds despicable and is no friend.

Why you would even think about seeing her again I don't know. For the sake of your dignity and self respect, see her for who she is and shut her out of your life.

She sounds like a deeply insecure person. Perhaps she actually envies you? If she is causing you angst I would reconsider the holiday idea but I would stay in touch because maybe she is just unloading and might calm down in time. You can always book something when and if you are more comfortable.

I avoid scratchy people when i can possibly do so.

I am a single, childless woman aged 67. Recently I holidayed in Scotland with an old schoolfriend who I had not seen for 30 years. This friend is separated with 2 kids and 4 grandchildren.

You were friends 30 years ago and haven't seen each other since then. You've both moved on, live different lives and seem to have nothing at all in common.

I'd tell her you won't be going on holiday with her next year; don't ghost her as she won't know where she stands. Just say you enjoyed your holiday in Scotland 🤔 but could you just leave it as sending Christmas cards in future. If you want to, that is.

I would cancel, you would be thinking about how bad it could be for months beforehand and you would be dreading it, not a good place to start a holiday.
I think you have both changed and are different people now.
Just accept that.

How insensitive can a person be !!!
I have just come back from visiting my widowed, childless neighbour. It’s her 86th birthday.
I would never dream of talking about my children and grandchildren to her, unless there was something important going on.
Don’t go on holiday with her again.

She sounds horrible. If I were you, I wouldn't see her again.

What on earth possessed you to go on holiday with someone you hadn't seen for thirty years? It was a disaster waiting to happen. Possibly she didn't feel she had anything in common to talk about, so wittered on about her family. At times I suspect I've been guilty of that. However you said she had been like that previously. People rarely change.
I would not mention the holiday next year. If she brings it up, tell her you've changed your mind.

Greenfinch

Wow! Some friend. She is totally insensitive, boring and obnoxious. Ditch her. She is probably basically unhappy and jealous of the lifestyle you lead. Avoid going away with her at all costs. Maybe just liaise via email or text.

Good advice.

Why put yourself through it again? She's not a friend, friends don't belittle each other or make you feel bad.
Tell her you've changed your mind or suffer another lot of put-downs

I wouldn't call her a friend, and definitely not go on holiday with her, it doesn't sound as if you have anything in common.
She has maybe tried other "friends" before you and been turned down,,

I think this “friend” is best avoided, to be honest.

Heavens what a bore. Don't worry she is probably on Gransnet and has read this and recognised herself. So she won't be in touch again.

If she does for goodness sake decline another holiday. Better go on your own than go with her.

I think ghosting her would be bad manners. Write her a letter saying you’ve given it some thought and decided that you won’t be going on holiday with her next year. You don’t have to go into long explanations, just thank her for asking you and leave it at that.

PS, do come back and let posters know what you’ve decided to do.

I would say your 'friend' was jealous of you at school and possibly envious of the life you led later.
Her marriage hasn't turned out so well, her family life may not be as idyllic as she claims, and the subtle put-downs you remember may well be the reason you have chosen not to see her for thirty years.
Just write back and say you are not able to go on holiday with again, nice to have caught up, and you wish her well in the future.

Why on earth did you ‘provisionally’ book another holiday for next year?

You must be a glutton for punishment. And you hadn’t seen her for 30 years? How did this first holiday get sorted then?

It sounds as though, despite misgivings, you were quite flattered to be going away with her.

Don’t make the same mistake again. No, don’t ‘ghost’ her, (juvenile and nasty), be upfront, say you’ve changed your mind. No need to give a reason, am sure she wouldn’t.

You know you don’t want to go on holiday with this woman, I imagine you are not in the least bit interested in even seeing her socially again. She is therefore not a friend. So tell her you don’t want to go on holiday to Europe and will keep in touch, which is shorthand for Xmas cards or the occasional text.

Don't waste your time on toxic people.

Hmmm. I was in a similar situation except I holidayed with the friend most years. It was always about her, conversations and where and what to do, but I went along with it. Until five years ago and she truly hacked me off with her insensitivity about a situation I was in. I avoided her at the airport on the return trip home, said goodbye at the UK airport and not only have I not been on holiday with her since I haven’t even seen her. Life’s too short to be bothered by someone who has no care for you. Avoid avoid avoid.

Toxic and arrogant. Fattening up her ego at the expense of your self esteem. You don't need this.