Toxic Friend or am I over sensitive?

Serously - you're 67 (so am I). Old enough to look after yourself and your mental health - spend time with the proud grandparents.
I had an old friend (from school), who has a similar urge to prove her superiority and diss my life - I avoided her some years ago. I knew it was her problems which make her behave like that but although I used to put up with it because there were other benefits to being around her - when I totted it all up, she wasn't worth it.

In complete agreement with those who recommend you don't ghost her and I'd suggest you don't offer an excuse, just say you've changed your mind. If she asks why, that's a bit difficult because it's really that she's found someone else on their own that she thinks she can dominate. Perhaps just I Don't Want To.
If necessary explore other ways to meet new people (MeetUp, U3A for example) with similar interests - it's never too late to make new friends - on your own terms.

By the way, Competitive Grandmothering can be seriously hurtful - I remember my mother screaming at me for not having children because she'd just had an evening of grannyboasting and hadn't been able to contribute (I was a successful marketing manager and artist at the time so I realised she'd been cowed into submission for her non-grandmotherly status).

Cancel your holiday and with the money go on a singles break abroad/ wellbeing holiday. I think writing this post has probably crystallised your thoughts.

If YOU think she is toxic, then she is. She tried, and it seems, partly succeeded in making you feel bad.

Let it go to the Christmas card only list

Sounds like an insecure person. Holidays are to enjoy not endure. Avoid a holiday but perhaps keep in touch in a way that works for you. Go back to the way you kept in touch before the holiday? Tactfully pull out of the holiday - you are not obliged to explain yourself.

Life is too short to spent times with people who make you feel bad.

nanna8
Believe me nothing would induce me to tolerate a toxic friend again .
I tolerated nearly three years of nastiness after four pleasant ones .
I must have been absolutely crazy !

I would not go on holiday with this person again. You deserve better putting you down is not good for you. You would be better off going on a solo holiday with like minded people and not having to listen to your toxic friend. My friend travels alone like this and keeps rebooking so it must be good. I feel your friendship is over and after spending time with her you don’t feel good. That is not how it should be. Hoping you find better travel buddies.

No you are not overthinking it Newbeginnings. No you are not being over sensitive. Yes, your "friend" is demonstrating toxic behaviours.

In reality you may have been "friends" 30 years ago and she may or may not have shown the same behavioural traits then. But 30 years later, each with a life of ups and downs no doubt. She has had children, now grandchildren and you have had different but also valid experiences. She has also suffered relationship difficulties, her marriage broke down, she became single and currently feels she is in "a wonderful relationship", or so she says. You no doubt have also experienced life's ups and downs as do we all. You acknowledge that you have not picked men wisely before which shows you have the ability to self reflect, grow and have humility- unlike your "friend". Well done 👏. Not picking men wisely is not uncommon and you've learned some valuable lessons along the way.

Your friend's behaviour does not require you to put yourself down- whether that is her intention (to make herself feel better) or whether she is unaware, in which case she is unlikely to change. Instead it requires you to ask just one simple question- "Is this a mutually supportive friendship where we enjoy spending time together in each other's company". Why would you ever wish to have a "friend" who puts you down?

At 67 you've earned the right to value yourself, pat yourself for being resilient, withstanding life's challenges. Take pleasure in what you do have in your life and your daily life experiences. That may not include children and grandchildren but that should at the very least include good, supportive friends and robust self esteem.

Why on earth would you want to repeat a holiday experience that runs further risk of your "friend" behaving the same way? Life is too short. Plan a holiday with another friend or explore holiday options with other singles -that may lead to making new holiday companions.

Don't ghost your friend- just simply say you're currently exploring other options at the moment if and when she brings up the subject. If she doesn't not an issue.. Good luck.

Newbeginnings - No. DON'T holiday with this unkind "friend". She will continue to hurt you and drag down your self-esteem by enjoying making you make you feel inferior - which I am sure you are NOT. She clearly has a problem and gets some sort of satisfaction from trying to prove that she is somehow superior to you.

I have two single lady friends without children, whom I greatly respect. They are not well off. I love them both, and would never make them feel inferior because they weren't as fortunate financially, or with relationships as I was.

You deserve better than that.

I have lots of friends whom I wouldn't want to go on holiday with. I'd have lunch, go for a coffee, visit a museum or even invite for a weekend but spending time on holiday is a big investment and tbh very few of my friends fall into that category but I would still want to be friends with them. I make a "joke" with some of my friends that I would spend a wet week end in a caravan and be confident that we'd really enjoy ourselves but it's a pretty select few!

With friends like her - who needs enemies?

You're better off without her and certainly don't go away with her again.

Avoid her like the plague. Nobody needs that negativity in their life

Good god avoid her like the plague. Nobody needs that constant, putdown,I'm better than you down negativity in their life.

Sorry ditch her...nasty digs you don't need. I would not entertain her or smooth her ego. There's a reason you have'nt seen her in 30 years! Life is too short...x

Oh I do understand and only a few days ago after many years of 'friendship' I have decided to move away. When younger we had many themed suppers together, played cards/scrabble whatever. But over time my friend became embroiled in her 'ill health' and I have to listen to all that is wrong with her health. Plus the death of her parents was worse than mine! Her husband does everything for her, her last op I had from beginning to end... and my husband is sat in on this who needs 24/7 care from me and she ignores that. Last week I met her at a social do and when we said hello she started telling me all her health problems, no consideration for anyone else. I actually said 'oh I need to go and speak to the guy over there', I can't take this any longer. We used to do a morning puzzle but I have stopped that. Not once has she asked how Steve is, presumes that I cope. So to save my sanity I have decided not to be in contact anymore. I understand she has problems but I have no time to deal with them and when I do get a few hours away from caring I need to meet positive people. Choose who you have in your life. Life is too short to be 'ground' down by others that love to moan etc.

What's that old saying: "wìth friends like these...?" I would get in touch with this lady and tell her that, sadly, you won't be able to go on holiday next year after all but hope that she will have a lovely time anyway. Then, after this, I would keep any further contact to the occasional phone call or WhatsApp and Christmas cards. People and friendships change over the years as family circumstances, careers and interests diversify and some friendships adapt and stay the course while others dwindle and fall by the wayside, making way for new friendships.

Why would you see this person again? Give yourself some love and respect and treasure your self-esteem. Tell her 'no' in the way that's most comfortable for you. Strikes me you owe her nothing. Good luck, and I hope your life is rich and fulfilled (for all you know her kids and grandkids hate her!!)

Cannot understand why you decided to go on one holiday with this person let alone book another one when you hadn't see her for 30 years. Why on earth would you do that? You obviously didn't enjoy this holiday so why waste money on another in the company of someone you found insensitive and annoying.

As everyone without exception has said, don’t even think of holidaying with this person again. I won’t call her a friend as she isn’t treating you as one. You will dread it for many months and you deserve so much better. Be honest with her - easier said than done I know - but the worst/best that can happen is that you won’t see her again. Considering you didn’t see her for 30 years I’m sure this won’t be a hardship! You’ll feel so much better afterwards and it will prevent the suggestion of further holidays in subsequent years. Better to cut ties now!

Drop her.

Looking at this logically, you have two choices:
1. She's a friend, tell her that her one-upmanship is very tiresome, and you will not go on holiday with her if she carries on like this.
(there's no loss on your side because you will drop her anyway.
2. Make another excuse and not go and not see her again.

Truly toxic and fundamentally jealous. Avoid at all costs.

Life's too short to spend it with people you aren't sure about. Better to go on a singles holiday I'd have thought and meet new friends

She sounds unhappy and insecure. Don't waste any more of your precious time in her company.

personally I think you are sensitive BUT I would not go away on holiday with her as your lives are completely different and you have little in common. I have friends who are parents , grandparents and love exotic holidays. I just accept we are different and enjoy chats or little visits but certainly no holidays.