Good morning Mick and all GN's from again a very dark , cold and as far as I can tell still morning here in North Yorkshire. I have been awake for a very long time, and at least was able to have radio 3 on very quietly to help, but have struggled to get up, as am in a lot of pain with my back etc, and havent even made my much needed coffee yet, but am waiting for the Bach which should be on shortly to cheer my day and help me to relax a bit and then begin my mornings efforts.
Hoping that the shower will work its magic especially today, although think it cant work miracles, which I could do with right now. This afternoon I have to go for another cancer treatment. That in itself is not very pleasant , but one of the after problems I have is that I have to lie flat on a very hard surface, so whatever happens I always pay for it with a lot of back pain and my knees complain bitterly too. So to already have pain this morning is not a good start, and I am going to not only have some painkillers this morning but will take some before I go this pm. I try to cope with the least pain killers I can but today is a day that I accept I need them.
The modern way is that they say take painkillers immediately to stop the pain escalating etc, which sounds quite sensible. However , whilst I dont actually think I am likely to match them, parents and grandparents on both sides lived into their ninetys, so unless some stronger new painkillers are found, there is a limit of 8 a day for what is available now. I therefore need to feel that there is still something left to add on if I need it. When I had my first cancer operation, I was given that painkiller where I was in charge of when I took it , with a little plunger thing to press. It worked very well,not only as a painkiller in itself, but the fact that you were in charge and not waiting anxiously for a nurse to be around when you needed it, meant that you relaxed more and used less. They checked this out and originally had doctors saying patients would use or possibly abuse the system, but found that the patients were perfectly able to sort themselves out, were more relaxed and that they actually used less drugs, so it shows what mental effects it has to feel in charge of our own lives and medication. Wish there was some miracle go to thing available to me now. Anticipating pain is not good, adds stress and doesnt let you relax in the way you move about. Oh well enough moaning. Bach has cheered the moment as always , the sky is lightening a very little bit, so can see my tree outline and coffee will shortly improve the morning, if I can clamber through the chaos.
Yesterday I didnt feel good, kept feeling hot and cold, and when I started to look at my music and begin some vocal exercises was coughing and not breathing very well. I persevered, but in the end came to the conclusion that it was no good singing at all. It was too late to ring up so I actually did find the place and after a struggle parking , found my way in via the wrong entrance and after a wander about, got to the right place. I had taken the poetry and bits and pieces and Jane came to meet me and I apologised for not being able to sing etc and she said they always had another thing ready (very organised well done her ) and that I didnt look good so if I wanted to leave it they would be fine. I apologised again but was glad to just go home, and for quite a while was happy to just sit in my chair with a blanket wrapped round me, and just listen to the radio. Eventually I decided that I must make an effort to do something, but the way I felt , nothing that needed much brain power. So I had got quite a stack of books , bought and gathered over the last couple of weeks , which were not sorted out into categories, so slowly did those and again did a bit more paper sorting out , but there are still books and stuff needing to be finished with this morning.
I need to galvanise myself into getting this wretched dresser out. Have been procrastinating long enough and think that I shall just have to put stuff that I havent finished sorting out into plastic bags and out of the way so that however we are going to get this thing out, whether it can be dismantled or if necessary chopped up it GOES! It will be a major mood lifter to get it sorted at last. I hate waste and because it is in good condition and for the right person would be very useful, I had kept trying to work out how to get it out whole and ok for someone else. However I am now in the "dont care" mode just want it gone. Not only will I get space for a much needed bigger bookcase, once it has gone I can finally sort something out about my hall, which has no carpet or covering on at present. It was no use planning any of that before the dresser was dragged to the front door. So thankyou GN, writing this down has made up my mind for me and I will get in touch with my friend Nichola, who is a person with both good ideas and seems to know lots of people who can do this and that. So will get her down here to look at it and then not just make a plan but actually DO it!! Then I shall take the measurements of the space, check if I want to move chairs and stuff around, and then go looking round the charity shops for a bookcase that will fit. When my room looks more like a library with books in their right categories and places I shall feel that it is more my home and space. I know many people read on kindle or whatever now, but I want my books to be real, and have the pleasure of looking along the shelf and deciding what to read next. Reading has been so important in my life and is definitely my go to place when I am struggling with whatever is going on. Besides it is such a great kidder. When I am sat in my chair, warm and with radio 3 on in the background and my chosen book with coffee in my china mug, it is lovely. I feel relaxed and comfortable and can tell myself that this is what I have chosen to do, rather than I can hardly move never mind walk about or whatever and feel very frustrated.
Hope Rose is coping well with her power off day. Baubles glad your lunch went well. Thinking of our parents , of good and bad times with them, it can come as a shock when we realize that we are probably the only people alive who remember them now. That is something that my friend I have known for 78 years say, as I remember her dad very well and she remembers my much loved granny. When we meet we usually speak about them in some way, as no one else remembers them. Grandmabatty sounds as though you had a tough day yesterday, hope you have a better day today. GrandMattie sounds as though you had a great day and the concert sounds good especially the Bach of course. Karmalady I need to have whatever you take to stop the procrastination and get on with things. ! I admire how much you manage to do and when I look back I can see myself doing so many things at once and wonder now how I managed to do so much, Other people used to say Slow down to me, and I didnt think I was rushing about at all. Hmm they wouldnt be saying that to me now. Ah well time to start at a more tortoise like speed , but I plan to ring Nichola to stop me sliding backwards from my new plan to get on with the sorting of the dresser. It will help me to think of something else this morning. Hope that it doesnt rain later to add to the usual hassle of trying to find somewhere to park at the hospital. Have a good day everyone and be kind to yourselves as well as others.
