Hopeless Grandad

Yes, my husband grew up in a similar way. I dont think he is capable of a conversation with anyone under 50!!!but hey ho , as you say enjoy what you have xxxhes not going to change now . I just wondered if anyone else lived the same way? Xx

He obviously sees you as being very competent and doesn’t want to take away your ‘fun’. May be he just do3snt know how to be with them. My husband (heaven bless him) grew up in a very patriarchal society where there were clear divisions of work. Women stayed at home men brought in the monies.
Enjoy the grandchildren whilst they are here and young enough to enjoy the company. My 6 GG are now 6, 8, 10, 11, to a very grumpy 14 year old. Love them all.

I can really relate to what the OP is saying - I'm shocked at how rude some of the responses are! Have a bit of compassion please 🤔

My husband wasn't good with the children when they were little, but took an interest and was supportive with their hobbies and activities as they got older and I'm finding the same now that our grandchildren are growing up. He goes religiously to watch our 7 year old grandson play football and can't wait until he can take him to table tennis or fishing etc. With the little one (age 5) he clearly adores her, but doesn't know how to interact with her. Hopefully when she starts playing tennis or golf or takes up dancing or music he will get involved more. I think this is probably quite a common thing with men unfortunately, especially if their childhood wasn't great! I think you just have to accept that this is the way things are for now sadly. Though I have found that when I've been unwell or needed to pop out when we have the grandchildren here, he does step up. Maybe start needing a little lie down occasionally OP, or be less available. You might just find he does do the right thing when forced into a position of authority for an hour or two! 😌

LOUISA1523

My DP does loads with our 3 GC ....he's retired so takes them to school and picks them up a couple of times a week....they love going for a wethies breakfast with him....they have him running round after them when they sleep over ....he was a very involved Dad though as well

A Wethies breakfast? Is that the same as what we call a Spoons breakfast?

A lot of men, like me, have no interest in Christmas or the indulgence of the 'I want' generation.

Jaxjacky

You’ve had over 20 years of this and managed, why ask now?

Very rude.

My DH was never a child himself but acts childish. Hopeless with any kids. I just give my grandkids the best time that I can. Some men will never change. Accept it.

Jaxjacky

You’ve had over 20 years of this and managed, why ask now?

A little rude don’t you think

FiveChickens

Funnyboy, your situation is unfortunate, but it doesn’t justify telling women to ‘stop twittering’ or dismissing the issue as ‘moaning’.
You’re a man posting on a forum for women, so I hope you’ll allow us grandmothers to talk about our experience of grandparenting dynamics without trying to belittle us.

Who says this is for women? Why are you talking about letting men off the hook, it is not their responsibility to raise grandchildren. Their parents decided to have them, they therefore look after them.

Give up, you'll nevet change him now...what washe like with your own children?

My eldest 4 grandchildren were all under 3 when my husband died at 57. He adored all of them and would babysit them on his own if I wasn’t available.
He was nothing like that with our own children and wouldn’t mind them while I went out until our oldest was 8 !

I think alot of men from a different generation are very detached and selfish, hubby is 76, he loves his grandchildren but makes very little effort, I'm the 1 sorting days out/activities, he comes along, but quite honestly if he stayed at home it wouldn't make much difference, I just get on and make the most of them, coz they'll soon be teenagers and won't want to do anything

Jaxjacky

You’ve had over 20 years of this and managed, why ask now?

Agree. Are you the Martyr type

ballie What an *hole. Were you born this way, or did you have to work at it?

This is not "a forum for women", FiveChickens. I cannot see what Funnyboy wrote, but I can say that late DW and I both shared and enjoyed caring for our GCs, and I still do, if less energetically with the passing years.

Funnyboy, your situation is unfortunate, but it doesn’t justify telling women to ‘stop twittering’ or dismissing the issue as ‘moaning’.
You’re a man posting on a forum for women, so I hope you’ll allow us grandmothers to talk about our experience of grandparenting dynamics without trying to belittle us.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

This thread has compelled me to write my first ever post on Gransnet. I’m shocked & dismayed at how many people still seem to believe that making the effort to build a relationship with children and grandchildren is the woman’s domain. The posters on here may be amongst the older generation, but are we still defending & excusing men’s lazy behaviour? Yes, many parents & grandparents (men & women alike) would find it less tiring to read a newspaper in the kitchen - but at what cost? I hope that a caring husband would join in & help with caring for the grandchildren, if only to ease the load on a grandmother for whom her grandchildren are the most precious things in her life.
Has nothing changed since the 1950’s? Are we still letting men off the hook? What if we women all ignored our children & then our grandchildren too, in the name of an easy/peaceful life…? Would our husbands be as accepting?

Some people are hopeless with kids .
My mother wasn't very good and rarely interacted with me .
Her idea of parenting was to send me to a nice school and dress me nicely for photographs .
Ballet was important .
My father was usually absent ,but OK when around.

I recall my sister in law spitting feathers about her mother and asked me how she reacted to mine.
"She just b----y stares at them as if they are space aliens ",she said .
She was upset and disappointed and said so in no uncertain terms .

Perhaps your husband being very busy and tired never learned how to enjoy them .

Here's the other extreme -for some years we had a neighbour who was obsessed with having fun with his grandkids .
The back garden was full of equipment for them and every single day all you could hear was his voice and the kids whooping up it all day .
It was too much .
Some neighbours complained and they got a mouthful .
They have since moved .

Men are from Mars…….. they can’t help it.

Ally27, all I can say is that you married him, so possibly you did not apply sufficient due diligence before the big day. The question you now need to ask yourself, is whether you need to move on and turn the rest of the family against him. I am sure you would not object or feel offended in any way, if he posted on a national forum, by making it crystal clear without any shadow of doubt, that he had an absolutely useless wife.

I could have written the original post. Ive decided he listens watched and does enjoy them in his own way, they do also love him. They know he loves them

My husband is just the same. Wasn't hands on dad either. He's 73 now. I've always done everything for our 2 children plus our 5 grandchildren

Both me and my DH are far less "dynamic" than their other GPS. We don't live as near as they do and therefore aren't around as much. The other GPS are also a bit younger and both were sporty in their younger days - as are the GC, so maybe more in common with them.

My DH definately is less actively involved than me when we see them but they love us both and give us lots of hugs.

TBH I was never much interested in other people's children. DH's paternal GPs died before he was born and his maternal GM on his second birthday so he only really had one GP who was quite elderly when he was born.

It is what it is and I doubt your DH can change. Most of us would think that's a shame but maybe he doesn't mind as much as you think he should.

I know what it's like being the one who "does it all" but that's what I do!