Dilemma

Please try and find some way to encourage her to get tested, I have hearing aids and really had no idea how little I could hear until I got them.
It is interesting that there still seems to be some stigma about having aids, years ago the same applied to glasses as it was seen as a weakness. I no longer struggle at all in social situations

On a hearing issue - I'm now looking for a couple of YouTube channels by these girly-voiced presenters. I just dropped them totally when I thought "If they can't be bothered to deal with their voices - either speaking more normally or having subtitles - then I can't be bothered with them either".

So I've totally forgotten who any of these girlies are and need to use their channels for hearing test purposes. Reason being I've had one session of acupuncture to date where I requested help specifically for the nerve damage that has caused deafness in one ear (yep tests have revealed it is nerve damage from a virus - and not age that is the cause). I've found since that needling I've been able to turn down the volume on YouTube videos (yay!) and I shall ask for specific ear needling again during remaining two acupuncture visits. I feel pretty hopeful that maybe I can resolve that nerve damage and have my hearing back in that ear again.

So I need to conduct tests on channels by girly-voiced women and, if I can manage to hear them at normal volume = that hearing problem has been resolved.

So - if anyone knows any girly-voice YouTube presenters I'd be glad to know of their channels again - now I require them for testing purposes. I've been checking my way specifically through YT channels run by women - but not found any more girly-voice ones yet...

If she lives alone and doesn't really have anyone to talk to, she may not be getting the help she needs. I am sure there would be a tactful way of doing things. Maybe invite her over for a coffee, and during the chat you could say something like "How are you getting on these days - I hope your GP is looking after you." Wait to see what she says to that. It might depend what she says but you could lead onto something else. ie tactfully get round to saying something like - "Am I speaking loud enough - I'm aware I might not be sometimes". See if you can get her onto the topic of her hearing. I am trying to think if it was me. I have been gradually losing hearing a bit - I have the TV on very loud and keep telling OH he's mumbling. But I have no desire to do anything about it as I can hear well enough mostly. I think if someone said to me - have you thought about a hearing test or hearing aids, I'd just say yes but I don't want to do anything. But yes I probably wouldn't like it.

Aveline, I can relate to your friend, as that was me until 18 months ago.

I have had a degree of hearing loss all my life - when about 7 or 8 an audiologist visited our school to conduct hearing tests on the pupils, I was deemed to be high-tone deaf, possibly due to having had the erithromycin antibiotic as a small child. ( A known side effect).

It wasn’t bad enough to be a handicap to me, until my hearing deteriorated over the last decade. I’ve lived alone for the last 14 years, so no partner to converse with. I had the volume on radio and TV turned right up, and used subtitles too, so I had adapted to my hearing loss, but did have problems understanding quiet voices and mumblers.

A close friend who visits once a week occasionally mentioned I should have m hearing tested, as I often had problems with her speech - she tends to mumble, and sometimes puts her hand to her face while speaking, which could be frustrating!

I decided to bite the bullet 18 months ago, and booked a hearing test with a private audiologist, which showed that I had moderate to profound deafness (in the upper register), and I went ahead and purchased top of the range aids which were programmed to my deafness. (I bought private as I was able to afford them, rather than go through the NHS).

The effect was transformational! I hadn’t realised how many sounds I had been missing! And it was rather overwhelming for the first week or so, but I persevered by wearing them all day, and soon adapted.

I realised how much I needed them when a problem developed with them a few months ago, and had to go without for two weeks while they were checked over. They were replaced with a new pair free (being guaranteed for 5 years), and I was really happy to be able to hear again!

Mine are very discreet, almost invisible, with just a fine silver wire from the “bean” behind my ear to the receiver which goes in the canal. (I’ve attached a pic).

So, I suppose what I’m saying is, do see if you can find a tactful way of mentioning to your friend (as many have already suggested), as she would no doubt find much benefit from wearing aids.

The problem with hearing loss is it creeps up on you without you realising it. Your brain starts to adapt to it without you realising it.

I first went for a hearing test purely because I'd heard about the link with dementia, not because I had hearing problems.
It turned out I have some degree of hearing loss in the upper register. So I might have trouble hearing words with the letters S, F and H in them.
Different letter sounds are heard at different registers, so no others were affected.
I hadn't known about that before the audiologist explained it to me. He showed me the graph with the different registers and the different letters across them. It was fascinating.

A hearing test is free. NHS hearing aids, which I have, are free.
I tried a fancy private pair but didn't get on with them and gave them back.

Do you wait for a problem before you go for a routine eye test?
Or a routine dental check-up?

All of these health checks look for more than the basic problems that we would be aware of, and I feel we are very lucky to be able to have them.

Fidelity2

I cannot see what is wrong in asking her if she is getting a bit hard of hearing! You could add .....Mine is not as good as it used to be.
I have Tinnitus and it drives me batty !

I use oil that has Bee Propolis in it Fidelity2. Its called a "Tinnitus Soothing Spray" (although I use a pipette). It works if I use it regularly but comes back again if I take it for granted and miss it; then the tinnitus comes back.

foxie48

I have fairly thick chin length hair which covers my ears, even if I tuck it behind my ears my HAs are difficult to see. However, if someone has very short hair, or it is very thin I think they can be noticeable. But hey, does anyone mind being seen in glasses? This is all part of the stigma.

Errrm....yep....actually to minding being seen in glasses. Though it's not such a thing now the looks have gone (darn it!) and styles are chosen to look fashionable and/or "academic on the loose" (though nope I'm not) in order to make the best of having to wear them.

I'd say we're in the hardest to deal with sex re deafness - as it's the sex where a noticeable number of people have "soft/girly" voices and they are more difficult to hear. So there's no problem hearing men - but hearing some women can be challenging. I did a quick research recently on why some women speak that way - and it was quite a high proportion of those "girly" voices have had "problems imposed on them - like sexual approaches when still children". It was around 50% of women speaking like that that have had those problems!!!! and it was/is done as a protective mechanism for them. I still switch away from YouTube channels where it's a woman speaking that way - and they never put up subtitles for people to read instead. I think "If they cant be bothered (though they must know when they're speaking in one of those soft girly voices) - then nor can I" and I can hear someone okay if they're speaking in a normal voice or are male - and hence I'm certainly not at a "get hearing aids" stage.

Fortunately it's now the case that I can only think of one soft-voiced woman that I know now - and it's someone I rarely come across. When she was saying something to a group she was leading a couple of times I just resigned myself to thinking "I've mentioned I can't hear her" (ie because she only ever spoke "soft and low" regardless) and then left it at that and just had no idea what she was saying. So getting hearing aids is something I wouldnt consider getting for "soft-voiced women" as it's a problem I rarely encounter. If I start having problems hearing men or normal voice women then it would be considered.

So maybe if people think "This friend should get a hearing aid" investigate how wide a range of people they can't hear properly and if they're struggling hearing most people = then it is a hearing aid issue". I'd certainly know if a friend needed a hearing aid if they couldnt hear me for instance - as I have a normal volume/clear voice without an accent and so anyone should be able to hear me clearly and, if they can't = hearing aid time.

The only problem with people seeing your hearing aids is that they then shout at you🤣

I have fairly thick chin length hair which covers my ears, even if I tuck it behind my ears my HAs are difficult to see. However, if someone has very short hair, or it is very thin I think they can be noticeable. But hey, does anyone mind being seen in glasses? This is all part of the stigma.

I too have tinnitus in my right ear which started over twenty years ago.
Unfortunately I was told that there was nothing I could do to
get rid of it but just get used to it.
Music from my headphones does help, but during quit times it is intrusive.

There still seems to be a peculiar stigma. I'm doing my best to break this down by telling my friends that I'm wearing them and saying how much better I can hear now

I am seeing an increasing number of people with hearing aids.
Many are in their 60s.

I can easily see them, so not sure how others cannot?

Aw - I really do hope you can find the right words. it will make such a difference to her life.

Thanks. My hearing is actually OK. It's my friend I'm concerned about. If I was worried about my own hearing I'd take action. It's too important not to.

Didn't know that, about the brain having to adapt. Makes sense, though.
Lots of great suggestions. Hope one of them works for you and your friend.

There still seems to be a peculiar stigma. I'm doing my best to break this down by telling my friends that I'm wearing them and saying how much better I can hear now. I also stress how important it is to get them at the right time so the brain adapts to using them. Modern hearing aids are excellent. I wear the cheapest entry level NHS ones and they are fine for me. No one even notices I'm wearing them unless I tell them or if I accidentally detach one removing my glasses. Which seems to be the only downside.

Good hearing aids help with clarity as well as volume, you are in for a treat.

I have just had a hearing test, and was told I need hearing aids. I get them in January. I really can't understand why people are embarrassed and reluctant to admit they have trouble hearing. I knew something was wrong when I thought people on TV were mumbling. Realised it was me and not the TV, when DH could hear them clearly and assured me they weren't mumbling! I wouldn't have been at all embarrassed if someone else had suggested that I was having trouble hearing, I don't view it as something to be ashamed of!

Does she wear specs? Perhaps mention you are going for a free hearing test at your opticians.

I had a leaflet through the door, so perhaps you could pick one up and put it through hers

There is a friend in our school group who obviously struggles my friend asked her if she was having trouble and told her about her own husbands journey She now has hearing aids No offence was meant or taken

My mum would never admit her hearing was going. After a fall which she ended in hospital. On visiting her she proudly announced that the nurse had checked her hearing several times that day & was told everything was ok. I had to tell her that they were checking her temperature not her hearing 😂

I went to a social group that was run by a lady who was very deaf. It really became impossible to communicate with her short of shouting. I left in the end because it was so frustrating. You couldn't even say anything simple like: Brrr, it's cold today. She would keep asking you to repeat it.

Bear in mind too how good any tester is. When I had a problem years back it was just a case of wax removal from my ears by the doctor = job done.

So I started by "sigh and I'll have to pay in 2020/21 for that". Paid/had a row with the awful guy concerned. Went to a normal 2nd person. Wax cleared out properly and no arguments. But still deaf in left ear.

The thing I would say as a precautionary measure is "Careful who you go to for a hearing test". I went after Lockdown had stopped and had two little girlies in an audiology department of Boots - and won't be going back there again and they told me it was age that was the problem. I did not think so.

But there was a special offer on of free test by proper middle-aged male audiologist at a glasses place. He knew what he was doing and at least I got the reassurance that it was not age at all (so at least I don't have to worry it will get worse - because "age"). He was quite clear it was an odd sort of hearing loss and had very probably been caused by a virus - and not my age.

So - at least there was reassurance it shouldnt get worse and that may be what your friend fears - ie age causing it and maybe increasing age might make it worse again.

If she's like me = she won't wear a hearing aid anyway - some people won't (especially women). But - there is at least one optician that now does glasses that incorporate invisible hearing aids on the inside of both arms and no-one could spot a hearing aid is being worn. It's early days for them at the moment - and so the range is limited, the cost is high (think it's about £800 for a pair) and the batteries have to be recharged after only a matter of hours basically (think it's 8 hours??). I anticipate they should rapidly improve those hearing glasses and maybe a year or two time they'll have a bigger range to choose from/longer-lasting batteries/lower price).

The other thing is lip-reading. I've found out I'm pretty okay at lip-reading personally - and I've not even learnt it. So I manage pretty well - except for women with "little girlie" voices put on (and reminding myself that apparently a noticeable proportion of women with those voices had a "less than desirable childhood" shall we put it and that's why they're speaking like that) and there are some other people I can't watch - because as a group a lot of them speak indistinctly.

So check out to see if there's any signs she knows what some people are saying - but not others - and chances are she's lip-reading and hasn't even realised she is. The test for that is getting her to watch YouTube videos and switch the sound off when it's a videomaker that looks as if they speak in a clear voice and see if she knows what they are saying - despite not hearing any sound. That's how I realised I'd obviously picked up a degree of lip-reading without even trying - but it has to be people who speak clearly and well and I'm fine with that.

Yes you should mention it. I had this conversation with a lady who I volunteer with. Not a close friend. She was defensive and irritated. A month later with hearing aids in place she thanked me for being brave enough to raise it with her. She was pretending to herself there was no problem, but my comment prompted her to get tested. There is a link between poor hearing and dementia so for that reason alone its worth raising it, in my opinion. I just came out with it along the lines of - I hope you dont mind me saying, but you dont always seem to catch what I am saying.

grannymo123

Please be patient. I know I have hearing loss, tried nhs aids, paid 2k for private and still miss a lot of what is said in a group situation or with background noise. I hate feeling a nuisance asking people to repeat. It certainly isn’t an affectation and can be very isolating and depressing. Hearing aids do not make everything ok.

It is hard to ask, but I've found most people accommodating and quite kind x

People who are losing their hearing need to be told they should be tested.
Not hearing properly is a huge handicap and often people need pushing to get tested as for some strange reason they see poor hearing as shameful.
It is not.
Anyone finally getting hearing aids with bless the person who persuades them to start the process.