Are you ENDURING OR ENJOYING

👍☘️❤️

I’m late to the thread but what a loving and brave community GN is. 85 here and with the usual ups and downs and random health things - widow of 17 years, 2 replaced hips and a third in the offing - but determined to enjoy life. Ninety sounds alarming. Not knowing what the future holds medically is alarming. Wonderful kind warriors on here. Hugs to all.

Carbonated

madeleine45 what a lovely message you've sent! 💖

Agree.. it's lovely and with such friendship

Both, in equal measures.

Appreciating the good times and telling myself so many more are worse off when it’s not so good!

madeleine45 what a lovely message you've sent! 💖

Well said Nickname. You are fortunate to have your health Grandmattie. Life is not always easy but please embrace it as is said here and your good health , which enables you to do lots of things others can't. My best wishes to you and hope you take up the offered meet ups

grandMattie

I endure my life these days. It seems so pointless, contributing nothing to my family or to society, other than bits to my church.
The idea of living another 20 years filled me with horror. And it’s not impossible as I enjoy extremely good health, with absolutely nothing wrong with me, no pills, nothing.

Wishing you all the best in 2026. Madeleine 45 has good ideas and a meet up with her as she suggests...how kind of her ...sounds like something that would be a tonic and new for 2026. Reach out and go for it....sending positive vibes to you for better times x

grandMattie

I endure my life these days. It seems so pointless, contributing nothing to my family or to society, other than bits to my church.
The idea of living another 20 years filled me with horror. And it’s not impossible as I enjoy extremely good health, with absolutely nothing wrong with me, no pills, nothing.

I've been feeling this way since my husband died. I've become intolerant of the children who are running the planet and killing others in the process of making themselves feel powerful.

Within the last 12 months, I have twice endured incapacitating bouts of illness, during which I could do little without help (problems with mobility then a sodium deficiency, both of which put me in hospital) Both times, I thought that I would never regain full health but I am thankful to have turned a corner in many respects and am now a lot better than I ever expected to be at those times.

It has made me aware of how fragile my health is so I am conscientious about taking my prescription medications, numbering about 10(!), including HRT patches and cream plus eyedrops to control glaucoma.

My family all live afar off but I'm blessed with kind friends locally and neighbours who were a great support to me when needed, visiting in hospital, offering lifts, cooking meals and doing laundry.

I still drive for which I'm grateful as I thought I might have to surrender my licence at one point due to being wrongly advised at the hospital opthalmology department.

Just today in Lidl, I remarked to DH that a year ago, he would complete the shopping while I waited in the car. I certainly have reason to count my blessings.

Thinking of all of you who are going through your own struggles currently and hoping that 2026 will bring you easier times.

grandMattie

You have all been very kind.
For the record, I’m not depressed, I’m not unhappy, I just find being alive a bind.
I make a point of going out and meeting people every day and have met some nice ones, my neighbours in the sheltered accommodation are mostly pleasant - we look out for each other. I’m on various committees, and church organisations. My life is fine, just not especially enjoyable.
2026 will be wonderful, I have decided to put the last 5 horrible years behind me. Wish me luck! 🙏🤩

Good luck, grandMattie.
Our lives have been so similar over the last five years:
The loss of an adult child followed by the loss of a DH, necessitating a house move of quite some distance to be nearer to our daughters.
Starting all over again is daunting and exhausting.
Like you I have made new friends and am involved in a variety of activities. I also have plenty of home based hobbies. My garden is my passion.
I think my life is now enjoyable rather than an endurance test but I wouldn’t have said that in the early days when even going to the supermarket was a challenge.
When you are cheerful and make friends easily, folk have no idea how much you may be floundering because you never show it.
I’m resigned to swinging between enjoying and enduring and it’s not so bad really and far better than the alternative.
Onwards and Upwards (I hope!)

fancythat: Sounds also, like you need to watch the classic christmas film[name escapes me] where someone dies, and then he sees how he contributed to other peoples' lives.

The film you mean is It's A Wonderful Life. We performed the stage version at my amdram theatre before Christmas and had three full houses in the week long run. Some audience members were moved to tears -it's a beautiful story and the film has been screened over Christmas.

Grandmattie I think you do not need luck - you are making your own luck by looking for what you can do now to change your mindset and have a happy year ahead. I wish you well!

I am so sorry. Life can be pretty hard at times.

You have all been very kind.
For the record, I’m not depressed, I’m not unhappy, I just find being alive a bind.
I make a point of going out and meeting people every day and have met some nice ones, my neighbours in the sheltered accommodation are mostly pleasant - we look out for each other. I’m on various committees, and church organisations. My life is fine, just not especially enjoyable.
2026 will be wonderful, I have decided to put the last 5 horrible years behind me. Wish me luck! 🙏🤩

Nobody has a perfect life but counting one's blessings is always worth it. You say you have good health - have you thought of volunteering? You always get more out of that than you put in, you make a difference and that in itself will make you feel better about yourself and you will meet lovely people and probably make some good friends. Do hope that 2026 turns into a positive year for you.
.

flappergirl

I miss my DH, who died 9 years ago, terribly. There isn't a day that goes by when don't long to tell him something or have a laugh with him. We shared the same sense of humour and a very similar outlook on life. I don't miss company, I miss his company. But I still find joy in living, if only to see the trees through my kitchen window or listening to bird song. I'm not conventionally religious, but the world is truly miraculous.

I feel very similar in a lot of ways except that I find little joy in life anymore. I wake up most mornings and think another day to get through without my dearly loved husband and I go bed at night wishing he could be by my side again after almost 52 years of marriage. On the days when things are a little brighter I start to feel guilty that I'm getting pleasure when he isn't able to anymore. Such is life.

Grandmattie I am so sorry you feel as you do and hope some of the things offered here will help you. You might want to look at a thread about gratitude - lots there which might help. Where we focus our mind and attention makes a big differeence. I wish you a happy 2026

Why don’t you do some charity work?

fancythat

^ other than bits to my church.^

That is important!

Sounds also, like you need to watch the classic christmas film[name escapes me] where someone dies, and then he sees how he contributed to other peoples' lives.

I have no idea whether you are married or a widow, but since you still have good health, perhaps you could do some different things? Either for yourself or others?

I hope I am not coming across wrongly.

I did think, if my DH dies young, I would very much reorganise my life.
Perhaps volunteer abroad or something.

“It’s A Wonderful Life.” I love that film.

grandMattie

I endure my life these days. It seems so pointless, contributing nothing to my family or to society, other than bits to my church.
The idea of living another 20 years filled me with horror. And it’s not impossible as I enjoy extremely good health, with absolutely nothing wrong with me, no pills, nothing.

Is there not something you have always wanted to try but never have…? I’m sure most of us have at least one unfulfilled ‘desire’. Most of us will have given up on ever being able to do that one thing… and in general carry on happily with other things.
I agree with Madeline45 … but perhaps you have commitments that keeps you unhappy? An ill relative you have to deal with? Or similar ties. Whatever they are, or if you are just lonely and maybe depressed? ( if the later perhaps get some professional help?… NO shame in talking to someone, in fact all the better for it) then do think of something you’d like to do be it something simple like ? Learning to crochet? or even jumping out of an Aircraft… then DO IT! You say you are healthy… I have health issues, which so far are reasonably stable but I am lucky I became a part time bookdealer in my 30s, which morphed into a full time job, which I still do part time from home now to keep me happy. I love it, but my sons ( who live abroad and far away) were worried I didn’t get out much… so as my best friend died aged 91 with whom I used to play Scrabble, I looked forward a local Scrabble club ( not that I am anything other than a very ordinary player) and eventually discovered the local U3a ( University of the third age… NOT a University, just an organisation that runs various local groups) so I joined and have a once a month outing to the local library to play Scrabble with other similar ‘ normal’ players. Then I joined their Book Club, a Backgammon club, and an ‘eat out’ group …starts at 6 pm at various local restaurants, so we can get home early. Just had their annual Xmas dinner pre- Christmas and it was nice to sit with people I’d never met in other groups… if unwell or too busy I give a session a miss but I am finding I have FAR TOO MUCH TO DO NOW! If you don’t want another 20 years I’ll have them please… far too much life to live, even in miniature… I will never travel again but you could… YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

Thank you. rafichagran thank you so much. Heave alone only knows how I am still here. Well done to you too and everyone else who has 'come through'. Not easy that's for sure.

FGT, Kate1949
I didn't have a very happy childhood, grew up in a single parent family with no money and little love. Once I married, through hard work and some luck, I and DH now have a very comfortable life and want for nothing. But most of all, I have a lovely little family, 2 sons who remain close to us, their lovely wives, who I think the world of, and best of all 4 grandchildren. So much more love than I could ever imagine. It hasn't always been smooth sailing, DH has had some health issues, and I am a real worrier and have suffered from anxiety. I remember well what unhappiness feels like and count my blessings every day that I have my family and can and am able to enjoy my life.

Kate1949 compared to you I have nothing to complain about. I was verbally abused by my Father, but nothing like you endured. The old Bastard is dead now and I won't let his words into my head anymore.

I admire you Kate you came through, I hope 2026 is good for you and everyone else on here who are going through a bad time.

I am in pain at the moment but have been out. I am going to take painkillers and buck up. I have been invited to my daughters, but will decline and go out with herSaturday instead.

I wish everyone a happy new year.

Enjoying! I love my courses and have made many like-minded friends from them. I volunteer for the church and am on the local WI committee, again have lots of friends the these. Six years ago I started relearning the piano, which I love. And I have close friends of many years who I do day trips and theatre with.
I do hope you find something that helps you to enjoy life GrandMattie, there is so much out there and so many ways to contribute.

madeleine45

My dear GrandMattie, I am sorry to hear that you feel life is just enduring at the moment and hope that something new comes into your life that you might enjoy. There will be lots of new courses coming up in the new year, perhaps you might look down the list and see if there is something you fancy trying that you have never done before. Could you think back to what you always wanted to do from years ago, and perhaps give it a go?

I have always loved roaming around and travelling. While you are still fit and well , if you can afford it, what about doing a bit of wandering.? I would love it if you came up this way and would like to meet you, perhaps in York, and would be very happy to take you up around my precious dales in my car.

If you are into art there are many art galleries that could be visited, and up here there are also places that you can see some of the wonderful Mouseman woodwork, go to the coast and see the funicular, visit Harlow Carr RHS gardens , a very different area from your home. I always think this is a great time to visit museums, art galleries etc., as there are no crowds and you can make a picnic and hop on a bus and have a very cheap day out and finally get to see something you have wanted to for ages. This is always a rather miserable time of year, so another possibility would be right now to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself to a sauna, go for a swim and perhaps there is a jacuzzi to try, and what about any new cafes or restaurants you have seen arrive but not tried? A coffee doesnt cost much more in a very posh place than the usual cafe and it is a chance to look around and see if it is somewhere you want to treat yourself to a lunch sometime with a friend. Another simple possibility is give yourself permission to have a day off. By which I mean just stay at home but put your feet up, read your new book, absolutely ignore any form of housework or cooking and dont feel guilty about it. Well hope something might strike a chord with you and I would love to meet you if you decide on a trip up here. At the very least could we try and organise a few GN get togethers in various areas of the country.? It would be very good to put a name to a face and know what someone looks like after many months of written contact.

What a lovely post Madeleine45.