Your funeral

I really don't mind what the family want to do about a funeral for me. It's up to them how they want to proceed. I'll be gone. There'll be enough in my estate to pay for it.

Another one who doesn't really see the point all round. I've attended various ones through from Mormon to Socialist Worker to Evangelical Christian and there doesn't really feel much point to it.

Add in that Lockdown restrictions and that really "put the tin lid" on the whole idea. One sad tiny little gathering when my father died soon after Lockdown started and I had to be very "firm" with my now erstwhile brother and his wife and let them know in no uncertain terms they could get an official letter to drive down country to it from someone deemed suitable if the police stopped them (they didnt) and a Minister who did the best he could in the circumstances to ignore State restrictions and I arranged for it to be broadcast online (such as it was) for anyone that wanted to see it - and I was stuck in Wales - a non-driver/hotels shut/etc.

Followed by about the same when my mother followed him 3 months later and her son arranged it and didnt bother to do an online service arrangement.

All round - it left a very bad taste in my mouth - especially as my father was one of the ones shoved out of "bed blocking" in an NHS hospital right at the onset of Lockdown and had died in the nursing home I'd chosen as THE best one I could find and I just had to cross fingers and hope he wasn't given any drugs for Lockdown's benefit, rather than his own and still daren't read tales of some of the drugs carehome residents did not need - but were given anyway (think Midozalam was the name of one of the culprit drugs). That all left a very nasty taste in my mouth with what I found out afterwards about what was happening in the country to some people.

So - I've long had a will - and I live on my own anyway and think things should work out okay that it's at least 3 days after my death before they find me and I'm more concerned with what happens next for me - rather than what a funeral there may/or may not be. I know a few of my (younger) Welsh friends here are much more oriented than I am in the direction of a funeral/then wake (as they're more "traditional" than I am in that respect) - but they can lift a glass to me on their own and remember what I did to be supportive to them and their personal interests. They're much more family-centred and traditional than I've been used to people being and the main one of them can walk around her little social enterprise and see reminders everywhere of what I've given to it and that will be a form of remembrance.

I have written down my funeral wishes. I know how my DDs found it helpful planning the tributes etc to my late OH and think they will find a proper funeral helpful.t

After the death of my FiL last year, my husband and I had pretty much decided to go down the pure cremation route, but my daughter's not sure if she likes that idea. One way or another, I already have a playlist of funeral songs on my phone and I'd like them to have some kind of 'do' and play all my favourite music.

Having had to arrange my son's funeral recently, I had to make quick decisions on what to do.
I really wanted a service to honour his life. I think funerals help with the bereavement process, as a catharsis or rite of passage. Having a direct funeral would mean feeling as if he was just away and would come back.
I wrote the eulogy and chose the music, discussing it with his siblings. One sibling recited a poem and a friend gave a witty talk about him. There was no religious element. Afterwards we had a wake in a local bar he used to go to.
We are a small family, he had no wife or children and lived a distance from most friends and family so I did not expect a large gathering, but felt it important to give him a good, dignified send off and give others an opportunity to say goodbye.
In the end quite a few people attended but I do not think they would have travelled just for an informal get together and it helped me seeing how many people cared enough to attend.
I am going to leave it to my other children to decide what to do when I die but think I have set an example of what I like.

Elusivebutterfly I am so sorry for your loss, I think it is every mother's nightmare, I'm sure we all hope to outlive our children. I am sure your son's friends will have appreciated the opportunity to say goodbye. It's sometimes forgotten that people outside the family feel grief when they lose a friend or close workmate.

Foxie, thank you. You are right about friends. When my best friend from school died I was very upset.

If I die suddenly whilst leading a full life, I expect a church funeral, with singing led by the choir of which I am a member. My husband had a woodland burial and I will be buried alongside him.
But if I live to a grand old age and am in a Home or house-bound, that will be a different matter and I will leave my family to do as they wish, as by that time my friends will have died or be too old to attend. The burial arrangements won’t change.

Cabbie

I agree with you about how it depends when you die.

I’m thinking of a lady I know of, just died at 99.

She used to be very active in the community, a councillor and probably a JP.

She has, however, been in a nursing home for about 3 or 4 years, growing increasingly frail.

I don’t know what sort of funeral she will have, but there will be very few friends and acquaintances of her own. Am sure quite a few family, and friends of her AC.

It does depend if you die relatively young, or in real old age.

I’m really not bothered and just hope it doesn’t cost anyone any money or upset. I’ve saved up so that will be paid for by me. What they do after that will not matter to me because I will not be there.

Elusivebutterfly

Having had to arrange my son's funeral recently, I had to make quick decisions on what to do.
I really wanted a service to honour his life. I think funerals help with the bereavement process, as a catharsis or rite of passage. Having a direct funeral would mean feeling as if he was just away and would come back.
I wrote the eulogy and chose the music, discussing it with his siblings. One sibling recited a poem and a friend gave a witty talk about him. There was no religious element. Afterwards we had a wake in a local bar he used to go to.
We are a small family, he had no wife or children and lived a distance from most friends and family so I did not expect a large gathering, but felt it important to give him a good, dignified send off and give others an opportunity to say goodbye.
In the end quite a few people attended but I do not think they would have travelled just for an informal get together and it helped me seeing how many people cared enough to attend.
I am going to leave it to my other children to decide what to do when I die but think I have set an example of what I like.

I think you did the right thing, so sad to lose your son but a ceremony does help with any bereavement process you’re right.
What else to do but give our family a loving and dignified send off when the time comes.💐

Direct cremations for us. Few old, good friends but not very sociable. Family and those friends can meet up over a lovely meal at some point in one of our favourite places instead.

There are many interesting comments that made me think should i be planning my own funeral? Something i hadn't thought of before. I was at a funeral where there were only 6 mourners. It was very awkward as no one knew whether to go to a local restaurant or not. As it turned out, we just dispersed and went our separate ways

Purplepixie if you pay for it now it would make better sense as the prices might be double by the time you finally disappear

BlueBelle

Purplepixie if you pay for it now it would make better sense as the prices might be double by the time you finally disappear

👍🏻

More and more I think if all the eulogies created for funerals. If someone bothered to create one for my funeral as I won't be there to hear it so who is it for. Anyone at the funeral who has been of interest to me in my life will already be aware of a lot of the content and shouldn't need a reminder. I hadn't thought about this until my DH decided he did not want all the "song and dance" at his funeral. Difficult to have a service without all the reminiscing but along with the family, we did. Time arranged for a reception at Hotel to coincide with time DH would be delivered to crematorium. Simple speech by each son at the reception. All went well. I will go for the same.

No funeral...just a cheap co op cremation

I’ve written down my wishes after attending many ghastly services.
I want my body taken away, cremated with nobody there and my ashes returned to my family. As I’m a Christian I want the ashes to be buried in consecrated ground by the vicar. A plain little headstone would be nice.
No eulogy, no hymns as nobody knows them any more., no sandwiches and sausage rolls.

I agree with you watermelon

Sorry watermeadow oops

Yes, I think I need to sort it now. Thank you for the advice.

Oreo, thank you.

I don’t care if my children dump me in a wheelie bin,
buried or burnt, but please kids, make sure I am dead - 100%

keepingquiet

My ex died during Covid and my children had no one to comfort them at his funeral- I wasn't allowed to attend because I was shielding from the virus and it broke my heart, there wasn't even live screening.
Since then I am planning to have a full blown burial after requiem mass with my vast family and fellow parishioners in attendance, as well as anyone else that knows me.
I want hymns and incense and lots of flowers.

I know I won't be there but I hope there will be a good wake afterwards and lots of prayers said for my immortal soul. I will need them!

Me too keepingquiet
I have put money into my local undertakers so my family will not have to pay much. I want the full catholic ceremonial, I volunteer at my local church and am known there.My family are not church goers as all non practising now but they respect my wishes and know what I want.
My late husband was also non practising, but had a crematorium service with prayers said by the priest which was what he wanted.No bells and smells he said but we prayed for his soul.I have a Mass said for him each year on his death anniversary.

My son died very suddenly and unexpectedly. They needed a post-mortem, etc. it was nearly 6 weeks after he died before his bod6 was released and we were able to bury him. It was horrible waiting before the funeral and very cathartic to do so. We had not a clue what to choose but managed ok, I think.

Sadly, his dad died of cancer not long after. He had had time to give preferences to what he wanted which made things easier, choosing music and readings we knew he loved. It helped us to know it was what h3 wanted.

With that experience behind me, although I personally don’t give a monkey’s, apart from preferring a church service and cremation, it will be kinder for my offspring to know what I would/not like!