urgent please advise

Poor girl, what a nightmare for her and you.

Your daughter could choose adoption; a permanent stable home for the child. preferable to "going into care" or care by you in your circumstances (This is no criticism of you whatever).

Perhaps if you suggested that to DD, that this IS a real option for her and for the child, this might considerably help steady the ship and calm her down enough to think straight.

Reassure her, there is a way through this, she is not trapped or cornered and neither are you. If she can't raise her child, she can still make the best responsible choice for them.

If she wants to consider Adoption, she will need to contact social services to discuss it. When she's ready, one step at a time.

Lynette poster has already said the child is 2

I think as well as following the excellent advice already given here, you need to find someone you can tell the whole sad story to, someone who knows you and your daughter,

From what you write it looks as if both you and your daughter have no other family or good friends, I hope this is not so.

If you are without anyone nearby to turn to, perhaps you might feel comfortable confiding in a minister of religion, or a psycologist, or a family counsellor. Problems do tend to become larger and more unmanagable if we have to deal with them ourselves, and you are dealing with an enormous problem here, so you do need someone you can share the load with.

As others have said it depends on child’s age. If a baby this could be in part pnd. If older it may be something else as well. If you can take GC to keep him/her safe please do but also contact DD surgery and ask for help. If she’s known to them they may do a wellness check. Your D obviously needs help and GC needs protection and love.

55katie
You are not too old to look after your DGD if you want to, I adopted my youngest DD 3 and disabled when I was 65! I know SS were desperate ! I feel for your daughter and you it must be heartbreaking.

Each county has a Child Safeguarding team who will help with this matter. Call them and your daughters GP

Please don’t contact SServices … you will go down the wrong path with them …

Pomgirl

OK..if you are old enough to have a child.you are old enough to deal with the consequenses.It is NOT your child..she needs to take control..and sort it out.

But a little child of two should not be left to deal with the consequences of her mother’s unwillingness to care for her/him. The OP has to step in, if only temporarily. It sounds as though her daughter is in no mood to “take control”.

Your daughter might be very depressed or had a major confidence loss? Or could be getting at you for some reason?
Is the father a positive influence?
Are there any other close family members who might be able to advise? Otherwise speak to your GP.

Get in touch with her Heath Visitor asap

OK..if you are old enough to have a child.you are old enough to deal with the consequenses.It is NOT your child..she needs to take control..and sort it out.

Katie, your daughter needs to be told that whether or no she likes her child, or indeed whether or not she likes children, she is now responsible for a child. Don't make her feel guilty for not liking children and this is not necessarily a symptom of mental illness.

She is obviously in child- rearing difficulties so she needs to be told there is help at hand.

twiglet77

The child’s father is relevant to what happens. Social services will only intervene if the child is at risk.

If children’s services are called they will ask about father’s involvement as part of their initial assessment
It’s true that preventive and support services are rare due to austerity but it’s unlikely some positive intervention doesn’t happen in a situation described by the OP

friendlygingercat

There is a real gap in the market here for somewhere equivalent to a cattery or kennells where you can dump your kids for a few days when you need a break. Somewhere they will be fed, watered and changed but little else. Call it a Kiddy-bunker.

?????

The child’s father is relevant to what happens. Social services will only intervene if the child is at risk.

In the short term, is there anyone you can call on to collect the child and bring her to stay with you? Once you know,she is safe and being looked after, you'll be better placed to get advice- probably from social services. Is the child's father around?

Your GC has two parents so the first port of call would be the child's father- who you do not mention.

I have come across similar situations, indeed was in a relationship with a man whose wife walked out and left him to bring up a three year old by himself.

It isn't that uncommon.

SS would be the very last resort- this child may have a whole other family willing to help and support this child. Please don't forget them.

What are the circumstances in which she had the child?

1. Has she always said she wants children/shown interest in babies, etc?
2. Is she in a firm relationship - marriage or equivalent with the man concerned?
3. Did he decide to be a parent - or no?
4. Was the child deliberately planned and wanted?
5. What are the material circumstances? Own home, rented home, does she still have the job she had before the child?
6. Does she have a pattern of changing her mind about major issues after the event - or is it just in this case and she did decide/plan etc to have the child and then changed her mind afterwards?

I'm not a parent/never wanted to be - but I'm thinking the background to all this is relevant.

^ Get your GC and have her to stay with you. Tell her mum it will give her a break to think.
^

If you dont feel up to it, understandably, is there another trusted family member, or trusted friemd that would be willing to help?

friendlygingercat

There is a real gap in the market here for somewhere equivalent to a cattery or kennells where you can dump your kids for a few days when you need a break. Somewhere they will be fed, watered and changed but little else. Call it a Kiddy-bunker.

Please don’t joke, this is a desperately sad and worrying situation.

Not the best comment ginger even with the best intent.

There is a real gap in the market here for somewhere equivalent to a cattery or kennells where you can dump your kids for a few days when you need a break. Somewhere they will be fed, watered and changed but little else. Call it a Kiddy-bunker.

As Cossy said please keep us posted.
💐

Is the child’s father in her life, if so could he help?

Lots of good advice above. I would say that even if the your DGD is not physically at risk she doesn't sound as though she is getting the love she desperately needs from her mum.

I hope you can get help very soon. This is an awful situation for you.