Integrating a baby into family life

That baby's face!

S/he is not happy with the arrangement at all

I dread to think what they'd make of my parenting skills on Mumsnet. My two went straight into cots in their own room from the day we brought them home from the hospital. If I had things to be getting on with, into the cot they went. I went back to work full time when they were three months old and they went to nursery or to their grandparents.

I always tried to settle mine, only one, by putting them down into the crib when she was very young or in the park just outside the kitchen door if the weather was fine, I can't understand people who constantly need to be holding their baby, I remember someone when we were still in hospital who would sit at the side of the baby's cot with their hand resting on the baby inside, I thought she will have problems when she gets home. Babies need to feel safe but not cuddled/ nurses 24/7.

Er, all I can say is thank goodness I don't read Mumsnet. It sounds absolutely toxic, and quite prejudiced against men.

Are we talking about babies or Mumsnet I wonder?
If the former, fashions and cultural differences in baby care seem to vary enormously.
Some cultures wrap the baby in a shawl sling type thing and carry them around all day while mum performs her domestic tasks etc. others (my mums generation) believed in 4 hourly feeds lying the baby on a different side each time you put them down so that their ears grew flat and if they cried in between feeds, it was perfectly ok to let them cry themselves to sleep.
We and our daughters are somewhere on the scale between these extremes.
One D carried her baby in a sling for most of the day as he slept better upright , no point in pushing him round the streets in his pram, he just cried.
Each to their own and it is neither our business or the bossier mums of Mumsnet to sit in judgement.

All babies are not the same and mothers adapt too, for their own mental health

Adults, especially mothers, do not appreciate to be told they are not good mothers, that is why older generations are shocked with the strong reactions from younger generations.

Cosleeping does not mean baby is not sleeping on his/her back.

We also do not know the needs of the baby.

Basically, if the partner or medical staff needs to address this arrangement, go ahead

Strangers, back off

How times change.
I was a very inexperienced new mum and probably did it all wrong as my first baby was very unsettled, though with hindsight it was probably a form of lactose intolerance. No Mumsnet to turn to for advice.
She slept in a carrycot next to our bed. She did not like being cuddled from about 9 months old. When she woke in the night she would eventually fall asleep in our bed and be transferred back into her cot.

When number two came along he was totally different, a really easy baby. My eldest was still waking up in the night until she was four, so number two slept happily in his big pram in the hall downstairs. Mumsnet would be horrified. He slept through the night from about five months.

I found the thread in mumsnet and i highly encourage everyone to read it

It is called "to have expected more of dh post partum"

I believe it is misrepresented here with just one statement on 23 hours a day of cosleeping, there is so much more to it.

Her dh helped for 4 weeks and then stopped. The guy prefers playing video games.

Hithere

All babies are not the same and mothers adapt too, for their own mental health

Adults, especially mothers, do not appreciate to be told they are not good mothers, that is why older generations are shocked with the strong reactions from younger generations.

Cosleeping does not mean baby is not sleeping on his/her back.

We also do not know the needs of the baby.

Basically, if the partner or medical staff needs to address this arrangement, go ahead

Strangers, back off

Strangers, back off

So why would anyone ask a question about parenting on Mumsnet?

Mumsnetters certainly do not hold back their opinions.

All babies are different, well, mine were, but this sounds more like the new mother pushing the new father away then wondering why he is now letting her get on with all the baby care.

Allira

Hithere

All babies are not the same and mothers adapt too, for their own mental health

Adults, especially mothers, do not appreciate to be told they are not good mothers, that is why older generations are shocked with the strong reactions from younger generations.

Cosleeping does not mean baby is not sleeping on his/her back.

We also do not know the needs of the baby.

Basically, if the partner or medical staff needs to address this arrangement, go ahead

Strangers, back off

Strangers, back off

So why would anyone ask a question about parenting on Mumsnet?

Mumsnetters certainly do not hold back their opinions.

All babies are different, well, mine were, but this sounds more like the new mother pushing the new father away then wondering why he is now letting her get on with all the baby care.

Indeed - I just picked out that quote for comment as it seemed so OTT !

Yup, too OTT and out of context for everything that person is going on

My SIL was a bit like this, she spent whole days in her dressing gown whilst everyone waited on her.
It wasn’t PND, my MIL always prefixed her name with the word poor.
Drove me mad.

Going through sorry

Although I did more or less what Luckygirl3 did with my own children. I did know that I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home to bring them up for a few years, so would have plenty of time to spend with them.
New mothers nowadays know that they will have to go back to work when the baby is a year old, if not before, and leave their babies in a nursery or with somebody else.
So really, can we blame them for wanting to hold on to their babies for this short time they have together.

I took over my grandson during the day when he was six months old. By this time he was having a nap in the morning and after lunch. He would sleep in his cot but the after lunch nap was always a challenge. I would sit in the rocking chair with him while he flailed around until he went to sleep. I always called him the Giant Squid. I didn't have his younger brother until he was about a year old, and only having one nap. He would happily sleep on my lap, but I only had to breathe and he was awake again. Actually I was quite happy to spend a couple of hours reading or watching television with a lapful of cuddly baby.

Same here, in a crib between feeds and changes, only co sleeping when poorly. If you never let baby go from you, you are making a rod for yoyr own back imo

KTSmum.
Agree with you. 💐

My goodness I am now feeling I totally neglected by children. How can anyone, at least in the modern world, be attached to a baby for 23 hours. How would the mother in question manage with twins, lugging them around, one maybe asleep, one wide awake. The man involved has some sense at least, just hope the mother develops some too and soon.

Unless there is a medical reason for mom to be sleeping/holding baby to thst extent, it is unfair to her partner and co- parent.

Yes, a woman’s body bears the physical work of carrying and birthing a child but the dad is a human being as well and deserves consideration.

My DIL has used childbirth/ infancy as an excuse to throw all other responsibilities onto my son. I’ve watched him nearly kill himself trying to keep her satisfied and all other plates spinning.

Even in gear the whole point of the MumsNet post is being missed. The husband's issue in this scenario is being neglected. This marriage will fail unless she gives jim a chance to share in the baby carrying. How will she know if he can if she won't let him try. If its something she wants to do when he's not there then thats up to her. If I was him I'd go back to work and let her get on with it instead of pandering to her every whim.

Parenting so different these days. As you say we had routines at an early age. Far too much molly coddling these days. No proper guidance from health care that it’s fine to let a baby cry and self settle.

Madness! I did my own share of using baby carriers and if one of four babies (not all at once) wouldn’t settle, I stuff them in the baby carrier and carry on with housework.

However, all four of mine were in their own cribs next to our bed, then moved into their own rooms at around 16 weeks.

In my humble opinion this (mad) mother is just making a rod for her own back and heaven help them both if they have another baby at any time.

How does a baby learn to crawl and walk if s/he is strapped to the mum all the time?

I have known 'babywearers', and far from doing it to get the cuddles in before 'leaving their children with someone else' (🙄), they have all been the type to breastfeed toddlers and stay at home making vegetarian meals. I don't think any of them wore their babies for much beyond four months or so though. They get very heavy and wriggly at that age.

I haven't read the MN thread, so don't know the context of the question, but I do think that on one hand if people ask for the opinions of others they should expect to get them, and on the other things like child-rearing are individual matters, and (as we see so often on here) what works for one mum won't for another, so there is no need to criticise others' ways unless you want to be hurtful.

4allweknow

My goodness I am now feeling I totally neglected by children. How can anyone, at least in the modern world, be attached to a baby for 23 hours. How would the mother in question manage with twins, lugging them around, one maybe asleep, one wide awake. The man involved has some sense at least, just hope the mother develops some too and soon.

Yeah! Wot cruel mums we were 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Also, back in the day, we didn’t have the options of months and months off with paid mat leave.

Although mine were born 1985, 1997, 2000 & 2002 respectively, I took a maximum of four months off (with one it just 6 weeks).

... maybe the father would like a turn at sleeping with or cuddling up to the baby for a couple of those hours - it would help him to bond, and his wife could exercise her legs a bit...