Integrating a baby into family life

23 hours a day!

Good grief!

When does she get anything done?

Talk about making a rod for your own back.

No wonder her DH is fed up.

I have of course got flamed as predicted!!

Luckygirl3

I have of course got flamed as predicted!!

Well, it’s Mumsnet!

I'm with you. Her back. Her choice. but she shouldn't be chastising the poor dad
I bet they didn't discuss baby care to those extremes beforehand.

I can remember a camping holiday with 7 months baby and 70 yr old mother, 5 big boys ( including 2 men)
My DM chastised me, gently, for always feeding that baby
But the alternative could have been a screaming baby. Noone would have enjoyed that.

People do what works for them. I kept my babies with me for the first six months or so. They sat in a little cloth rocker, or on the floor under a baby gym, so not ‘on me’ all the time, but I was there, even when I was doing other things. They went to bed when we did - into a carrycot next to our bed at first, then to their cot in the nursery. I would have been unhappy to be separated from them when they were so young.

At about six months I started to put them in the cot for daytime naps too. I was happy with that setup, and they were both contented babies. My mum kept saying they should be ‘trained’ to be alone, and it was really annoying- they were my babies, and my way was not a criticism of hers. Different strokes, isn’t it?

I did the same as you, Luckygirl with my 5. They varied in how long they would sleep - during the day, it was in an oldfashioned pram, and if they stirred too soon, a bit of gentle rocking would often send them back to sleep! All breast fed, more or less on demand, but I usually managed to get 3-4 hours between feeds, so I had time to do other things!

I think we all kept our small babies near, but this mum is holding her babies or sleeping with them for 23 hours a day!

I was shocked at the aggressive nature of the comments. Is this what young women are like now? They were so hateful towards the father, although some at least did suggest he might be suffering from depression.

I would imagine he is depressed, being stuck there 24/7 with mum and new baby. He needs to get back out in the world and do what men do best to support their family, bring home the bread and butter. She needs to learn how to integrate her baby's needs into her own life so she can get on with things that need doing without relying on someone else.

Different times. Our advice and shared experiences came face to face from the health visitor’s clinic, other mums perhaps at a baby group, or from Mother & Baby magazine. Now it’s all online, parenting according to TikTok and ChatGPT, they don’t seem able to trust their instincts at all. It’s a shame.

I take it she’s a first time mum?!
How does she get anything done?
Yes we all know that babies vary with how easy they are to settle but that’s ridiculous.

As for the husband, I presume he is working full time. He also probably hadn’t envisaged the current scenario!

Oh sorry, I haven’t read the Mumsnet thread. It appears the husband is home.
Paternity leave perhaps?

She doesn't get anything done! She wants her OH to do everything - he is still on paternity leave, but is not being given any chance to parent his child - he is just there to service mum's needs while she is glued to the baby.

It feels very unbalanced to me. I am not sure it is good for the baby either - babies need their parents close by them but they also need to be part of family life.

Dads can often feel left out when a newborn comes home. I'm assuming he does all the housework if she is spending 23 hours a day cuddling their baby. No wonder he is fed up. Parenting has changed so much since my days in the 70's/80's and not for the better in many ways.

Crikey! I consider myself to be very maternal but this mum is stirring up trouble for her baby and herself. I always tried to give my babies a ' bed time' didn't always work of course! I often had to bring them down .
When they settled in the cot / crib I breathed a sigh of relief and relished time with my DH or just ' me ' time.
Not surprised her DH is fed up !

I went back to work when my daughter was 8 days old ,the day after we got home from hospital.She slept in a carry cot in my office was taken for walks in the park across the street and walked the two miles home when I finished work.
She was a brilliant wee baby ,smiley and sociable and I was happy to go down the same route when my son was born 13 years later.
They are both amazing parents of 3 children each .

My son only slept well if there was noise."..his first 10 weeks were spent in scbu with beeps and alarms and always a radio
The vacuum cleaner always worked well

None of my DDs did this, though a friend of one of them did, and her DH was just the gopher, but he didn’t seem to mind. My DDs tried valiantly to put their babies down until their babies got the message, and it meant that we could babysit and let them go out for a much needed rest. So how do these mothers get any rest from the baby, presumably nobody can babysit in these circumstances. I think is unhealthy and don’t mind saying so. Will not go on mumsnet to say it though.

I think my routine would be considered very old fashioned.

6am feed change play sleep
Housework washing - nappies, baby sheets and other stuff
Bath baby complete clean clothes feed play sleep
Out in the garden in pram
Me carry on housework
Lunch
Feed baby, change play then out for our afternoon constitutional shops, walk etc
Prepare evening meal
Feed change play
Bed

😄😄😄

Of course baby usually had other ideas, and I was always happy to be flexible. But that was my plan which very occasionally worked. That was from birth of course which gradually changed as baby got older. I do remember thinking - especially with my son who was a crying baby, how wonderful it would be if we had such a thing as baby carriers as they did in more traditional societies. And lo and behold - todays mums don’t know they are born.

I’ve left out night feeds😊

Luckygirl3

I have of course got flamed as predicted!!

They are bonkers!!

My first was a terrible sleeper, she only really slept in the car, but we couldn't drive round all night and DH took the car to work in the day.
She sleeps just fine now she's 50. 😁

I don't agree with co-sleeping, it's dangerous imo.

My babies thrived on noise too……used to vacuum through the house several times a day……had the cleanest carpets on the estate but babies slept!

I’ve seen mums cuddling sleeping babies and I silently call out ‘put the baby down’ but apparently it’s called ‘contact napping’.

And don’t get me started on that one particular mum who is the very first woman to give birth! 🤷‍♀️

I always found babies quite easy to integrate into family life. Its rather nice sitting down and feeding them. Even though my toddler would often be creating mayhem! Runnin around with his pants on his head or attempting to kiss the cat!

Luckygirl3

I think we all kept our small babies near, but this mum is holding her babies or sleeping with them for 23 hours a day!

But that's what she wants to do. I couldn't have settled mine in their cribs at four months - I wanted to be able to see them, talk to them and so on - but I don't criticise those who did that, as it's not something where one size fits all.

I've known people who enjoyed 'baby-wearing', but that wouldn't have been for me (it sounds as though the MN mum was doing that). Their babies have turned into well-adjusted adults too. I doubt any of it matters too much in the long run, however important it feels at the time.

I agree that it's something she should probably have discussed with her partner, as baby-wearing is quite radical, and if he's not in favour it's going to feel quite exclusive. I'm not sure about cosleeping either. It's almost certainly more 'natural' than putting babies in cots, but I'd worry that a tired parent would roll over and smother the baby.

She should see this from the 1930s. They would hang their babies outside the window in a baby cage to get fresh air!

You can't believe that people would do this, but reading about her velcro baby made me think of this and how things have gone from one extreme to the other.