Why do I feel so guilty?

I also feel guilty for sitting around doing nothing but I am trying to overcome it.

Mine also stems from my mother. She worked full time and spent a lot of time cleaning at home. She also knitted and sewed. Did quite a bit of painting (DIY) and gardening.

Neither of my parents were readers. However, when I was young, my grandparents looked after me whilst my parents were at work. They were in their 60's. My grandma used to take me into town and buy me a new book every week, which encouraged a love of reading.

However, even now, the only time I like to read is in the bath or in bed at night - when it quiet and with no interruptions.

I do read the newspaper on a Saturday morning. My DH would regularly stick his head around the door and give me a look as it to say, 'Shouldn't you be doing something' more productive'. Meanwhile he would be watching sport on TV and doing sod all! I have now learned to ignore his disapproving looks.

According to some old novels I’ve read (set 1800s to 1950s) it was considered morally reprehensible - not to mention probably one of the Seven Deadly Sins - Sloth!😱- to read a novel in the morning, when one should be busy with Household Tasks, or at least making sure the servants weren’t slacking.

I’ve just sat down after a day spent doing keep fit in the morning, followed by the supermarket shop, home to make soup, and then a spring clean of the kitchen and sitting room. I have just sat down and picked up my ipad only to have my cocker spaniel climb on me, push the ipad away with her paw, and push her face into mine! I would add that DH has already taken her on a long walk plus she’s been “ helping” with the spring cleaning. We love her dearly though and wouldn’t be without her. She’s curled up now next to me😊

Doesn’t matter if you’re ill or not. You stay put and relax any day of the week I’m sure your neighbour is not looking or judging you and if he is that’s his problem not yours, relax and enjoy your book x

Since I retired I'm very much of the opinion that I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. I always think they will need me before I need them.
I never used to be like this. I spent years keeping the house immaculate, working up to 60 hours a week, doing all the cooking cleaning shopping etc and often hosting foreign students. Result was 6 months off work with burnout. So now I just relax, play games on my phone, and keep up with housework when I feel inclined. So much better for my mental health.
Relax, enjoy your book OP you don't owe the neighbours anything.

It's definitely not rude to close your own curtains, or do anything in your own home..
You need to change your mindset, not resting isn't a good thing in fact it's the opposite.

Well glad just not me then! Although not punished I was brought up to be always doing something and as a Girl Guide one of the mottos was "A girl guide makes good use of her time" and all this has stuck with me.

You can bet your bottom dollar after really busy day and working hard on the garden or cleaning etc I sit down for a minute and someone comes up the path and as my front lounge window looks right into my lounge I feel a real lazy madam! Must get some blinds!

Daft really to feel this way but my house and nothing to do with anyone else.

Get well soon Sago.

sago, Do you think you would be any different if you lived alone ?Therefore no one to witness you 'Sitting about' or whatever ?

Sago you shouldn't have to suffer from the outdated notions your parents instilled in you. You could phone your GP surgery and ask for a telephone appointment. If you are asked by reception what your problem is, you can explain that it's a distressing mental health problem or, as our practice recorded message says, you can tell them you'd rather not say. When you speak to a GP tell them about the guilt you feel that prevents you from ever sitting down and relaxing. It can't be good for your physical wellbeing, let alone the psychological toll. You can ask to be prescribed talking therapy e.g. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) clinical hypnosis, psychotherapy etc. especially if you'd rather not be prescribed medication. You deserve help to change the behaviour patterns that were ingrained in you as a child rather than dulling all sensation through mind altering drugs!
Will you do it?

Your home? Your life, you’re tîme! Do not feel guilty! Today I’ve watched This morning and then Matt Alleright and as I’m typing Vanessa! I’ve no reason to go out!
My flat is clean
No washing to be done
It is my time now! I do as I please and ‘nothing’ can be good for you sometimes!
Do not feel guilty ! Your time, do as you please

Well Peaseblossom why don’t you go out more if you’re bored?
Look around your local area, is there a U3A, a WI, volunteering opportunities in a charity shop or school?
No one will come knocking on your door so you need to get out there presuming that you are able.
I find I feel guilty sitting if I’ve not achieved something first but it’s ok if I’ve had a busy couple of days and need to recharge my batteries! Silly really cause I’ve got no one to answer to!

Its so sad that people cannot sit and do nothing as they get older and literally have done everything that they need to. I'm nearly 74 and never in my life have a ever felt guilty to sit and read or knit or even watch TV. Anytime of the day or night. In fact its part of what I love about living on my own. I don't care. If I have something to do and don't want to do it I don't, it will get done eventually. As long as its not inconveniencing anyone else I really don't mind. I really do feel for those that have to be doing something but I am so glad I don't feel that way. I have been known to spend all day Saturday and Sunday in Winter just watching TV or reading.

I am 75 today and got made redundant 10 years ago and haven't worked since. I don't really go out much and I must admit most of the time I'm bored stiff. I used to read quite a lot and read on the train or the bus, but I can't seem to concentrate now. I get to the bottom of the page and then I haven't taken it in and have to read it again, so I don't tend to read books very often. I do word puzzles on my phone a lot of the time. I spend most of my time watching TV, which I love, but it's too much of a good thing, but if I could go out more with people I would. I don't feel guilty, I'm just bored. I'm retired, so I don't have to do anything apart from household chores. I also enjoy gardening. Weather permitting of course, which has been horrendous here for weeks! I just feel fed up that I don't go out more. Lots of other people go out a lot more with friends, and have more friends, but I've only lived here for two years. I feel depressed a lot of the time. Anyway, there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty, even if you are not unwell! Enjoy relaxing and reading and watching television and whatever you want to do.

I also feel bad if I've not 'Achieved' enough during the day, like I've not earned the right to rest. It's completly stupid, we should be kinder to ourselves, doing nothing can sometimes be as important as doing something, both for physical and mental health.

Thank you all, I had Saturday and Sunday recuperating, I am now nearly better..
I’m cracking on in the kitchen and once I have changed our bed it’s feet up again!

Well earlier this year due to fluid i had to sit with legs up or risk hospital.. well I took it seriously and now do it most days ..sod the house work it still there tomorrow, but I may not be ..
.

Put a blanket around yourself and look ill - but not so ill he ends up knocking on your door to offer help! And get some counselling. That sounds like a lot of childhood trauma, you poor bunny! (NOT being patronising - my own childhood is what has encouraged me to become a counsellor)

You aren't just sitting doing nothing; you are recuperating. If you broke your leg, would you insist on walking on it? It's the same thing. Get well soon.

So sorry to hear of your sad childhood.
A number of my retired friends admit to feeling guilty if they sit down to read during the day but they are trying hard to overcome the guilt. I usually manage an hour in the afternoon and then another hour when I go to bed.

You can't please everyone so just please yourself...STOP WORRYING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE...its your home

I knit for charity and feel like I'm doing nothing when I'm knitting. I'm sure my husband thinks I should be doing housework instead. Maybe it's because my mum and gran only knitted in the evenings when the chores were done.

That’s so sad OP that you were chastised for reading. It’s something that should always be encouraged. I appreciate this has affected your ability to relax these days!
I’m not particularly good at it either and had set aside this afternoon to sit on the sofa and read a good few chapters of my book. But I keep getting up to do bits and bobs and have got nowhere with my reading. We’ve reached an age where we’re allowed to relax and you have my permission!

Sago , you were very badly treated in childhood!!! Don't let that shocking experience cloud your life. Sit back, relax and enjoy your me time.

It's OK to rest and relax. I have been forced into that situation recently and to start with I felt miserable and frustrated, but now I am telling myself that this is just a different patch in my life when I have to do and not do things I would usually do.

I have found some splendid films, and the DDs gave me a sub to NT at Home and I have watched lots of plays. I have listened to some lovely audiobooks and generally been a bit of a vegetable - but needs must and feeling guilty on topp of this isd a npoointk,ess way to go.

Put your feet up and enjoy it and let who will see you!

Hope you will be feeling better soon.

I’m sorry to read your childhood experience sago . I didn’t have that, I. Fact was encouraged to retreat to my bedroom and read.
I’m recovering from a horrible infection. I’m not good at sitting ariund, I can read for an hour then feel I should be cleaning, gardening etc. I’m just too exhausted to do these things so I’m having a word with myself about self care. It doesn’t come easy to many of us does it