Awkward guests.

Years ago, 30+, we discovered at 10pm on Saturday night that the French exchange girl coming to stay for 2 weeks was vegan! At the time we'd never heard the term, it was a long long 2 weeks! When our daughter went on the return visit she found that she wasn't vegan, she's just decided on the ferry, her mother had no truck with it, Eat what you want from what's on the table!

I would ask her for the money to buy the fish etc what she wanted. Or take her shopping for her own needs. She wasn't invited and although it's rude you shouldn't have to bear the cost. I'm not shy in being quite outspoken and if she left its a win win situation

I think that’s a bit harsh to put the onus entirely on the host. Yes, communication should have been better on both sides, but especially the fussy one.
Was there no discussion about the cost of a week’s board? Lots of assumptions on the part of the visitor, expecting expensive fish every day. Ok so it may be partly for medical reasons, maybe not. But just to expect the host to provide and prepare every meal for a week would stretch any friendship to breaking point.
Given their age and medical conditions and now this, I suspect they will not be meeting up in person again.

What a great shame that these two elderly ladies who've been friends for such a long time have lost their power to communicate effectively because this is the sole cause of this unhappy situation now. But I think the lion's share of the failure is with your friend Usedtobe blonde and not with her other friend. At a very basic level don't we all ask our 'guests' what they want to put in their bodies (eat/drink). If we have a worker for example in our home don 't we offer a cup of tea or coffee and actually say "do you take milk, sugar?" or do we skip that and just provide what we have - maybe black coffee or sugar with milk and two sugars?
I couldn't imagine inviting anyone even for lunch without checking if there was anything they didn't eat so the onus was certainly on the hostess to find out what her friend liked/didn't like before inviting her, and then if the friend had said she only ate the most expensive fish the hostess could have re-thought the invite or suggested it go ahead but with a request that the friend brought some portions of her favourite fish with her. I would never stock my fridge with what I wanted/ate without checking first. Then again I would never go to stay with a friend for more than an overnight stop and I would never go empty-handed.

Seakay

I was bought up to know that a guest has as many responsibilities as a host. If you are not actually allergic you eat what you are given (allergies and ethical choices should be mentioned in advance) fit in with bed times and express gratitude for any entertainments suggested.
It's called manners.

Agreed. People seem so entitled sometimes.

Oh, of course.....thankyou!!

Beans12

PITA means Pain in the a...e
as in posterior.

Witzend, what does PITA stand for? Sorry if Im being dense!!

OPs friend must definitely make this the last visit she hosts for this very awkward guest.

It is perfectly reasonable when met with unreasonable demands to make your own 'demands' back. If it was not possible to cancel the visit (I would have), I'd have said I'd already shopped for food and an extra shop would have to be paid for by the guest.
However by far the easiest way is to cancel the visit and make it clear you are too exhausted to continue under the circumstances.

Thank you that was very helpful. I think it could be something DD would find beneficial.

HelterSkelter1

Sorry to derail for a moment, Grammar8etto can I ask how your "volunteer" system works.

There are several online "platforms" matching hosts with volunteers.
I use Help Exchange.
It explains how it works.
We look at each other s profiles and try to match our needs. Hosts provide accommodation and food. Volunteers help with whatever needs doing. I make a wish list of jobs from painting rooms, digging the garden, heavy lifting, cleaning etc.
It's a cultural exchange as well and I'm still in touch with many of them.

Sorry to derail for a moment, Grammar8etto can I ask how your "volunteer" system works.

I use to board foreign adult students.
The first guy I had came from Spain so I bought in lots of veg, fruit etc, only to find out he didn't touch the stuff, just wanted burgers, pizza , fast food.
He was in his mid 30's too!
I feel sorry for your friend as fish stinks ! So she will need to buy in lots of air freshners 😅. Must say i do like fish though 😊

Your poor friend!
I often host volunteers for a max 2 weeks.
When choosing helpers I ask about dietary preferences and say I appreciate being cooked for. Luckily I live very near to shops.
It's amazing how at the last minute, some will announce there is something they cannot eat or drink. Milk or cheese for example!

The next is due next week from Brazil. I must check.

I have a friend who is also coming next week who is a very small eater and makes me feel greedy. Luckily she and I like porridge and toast and marmalade for breakfast.
She seldom offers to cook but she'll buy food and wine and doesn't expect to be entertained during the day.

It's lovely when they come and also lovely when they go.

I was bought up to know that a guest has as many responsibilities as a host. If you are not actually allergic you eat what you are given (allergies and ethical choices should be mentioned in advance) fit in with bed times and express gratitude for any entertainments suggested.
It's called manners.

nadateturbe

I think given her age, the guest could be forgiven for not giving advance warning of diet needs.

Age is no excuse for bad manners.

I have a friend who likes fish, so when salmon is on offer I buy a few for the freezer.

But frozen fish is far cheaper than fresh; basa is about 1/3 the price of cod (both fresh and smoked). Fish pie pieces are not too bad either.

I always check Tesco "still good" section and freeze it - had a lovely Charlie Bigham for half price last week

nadateturbe

I think given her age, the guest could be forgiven for not giving advance warning of diet needs.

Hmm. I'm cracking on towards an advanced age - 84 at the moment - and mix with others older than myself. Although this topic hasn't arisen for debate, we all seem pretty mentally competent and I know for a fact that if I were to have to stay somewhere - anywhere - which meant a possibly limited 'menu', I'd make sure it was understood in advance that there is one food item (quite a popular one) that I cannot tolerate!

Unless this lady has some form of dementia or other cognitive problems, I don't think age is an excuse to leave this information until the very last minute when the dinner is already cooking! She was also very specific about the type of fish.

Exactly.

Methinks a taxi to the nearest Supermarket for said guest to choose ( and pay for) everything she would like to eat for the rest of her stay.

Just think of the happiness when the friend actually leaves! Most of the already bought stuff can probably be frozen/stored for later. And you and she will be able to have a very thorough debrief over a nice cup of tea.

I think given her age, the guest could be forgiven for not giving advance warning of diet needs.

sarahcyn

Hans Christian Anderson stayed for, I think, a month with Charles Dickens and his family.
After he had left, Dickens put up a notice in the guest bedroom to the effect: “Here stayed Hans Christian Anderson for four weeks, though to the family it seemed an eternity.”

... indeed!

BoadiceaJones

I once had a guest who was to stay with us for 3 nights-I was going to give up my room and ensuite to her and sleep in a "box room". On arrival she informed me that she could not stay in someone else's home and would need to be put up in a motel. I had to pay. Our water (filtered) tasted nasty and she needed to be taken to a cafe for cups of tea. Did not like home-cooked food, demanded to be taken out to eat, and insisted on fish - very expensive at that time. She came on a coach, so no transport, so required being taken to her accommodation and picked up, and I took her out and about to local attractions. She sat in our sitting room and talked, literally for hours, about herself. Her visit literally cost me hundreds of pounds, lots of stress and exhaustion.

On arrival she informed me that she could not stay in someone else's home and would need to be put up in a motel

Were you not tempted to tell her that there were similarities between "someone's home" and a motel in that both had 'house' rules and varying degrees of cleanliness? Purely guessing here but I'd wager your home, under microscopic inspection, would've rated considerably higher than the motel...

Our water (filtered) tasted nasty and she needed to be taken to a cafe for cups of tea.

I bet that's one guest you won't be 'accommodating' again... next time she's in the area, she might need to bring her own chauffeur/butler/maid along on the coach.

Crikey!