Gransnet forums

Legal, pensions and money

Page 1 of 1
Flip | Customise

Lending/gifting money to children

(11 Posts)
Add comment | Report
Nelli123 Thu 03-Sept-26 14:54:04

Having just returned from a visit to my daughter, I'm still reeling from what my son-in-law suggested to me. My partner and I are in our mid-60s, have a mortgage-free home and we're on a very low income although we do have savings. My son-in-law picked me up from the airport and we were chatting about things, and the subject came to house buying. Now, 2 years ago my daughter and her husband bought a house and are seemingly happy with it. However, as their 2 sons are currently starting school, they would love to move a bit closer to the school. They're not far as it is at the moment in any case. All of a sudden my son-in-law said to me that me and my partner could sell our house and give my daughter (she's my daughter but my partner is not her Dad) advance inheritance, and then get a rented flat or house ourselves. Or alternatively, we could get a mortgage against our house (it's mortgage-free now) and lend them the money. I was so gobsmacked that I couldn't even say anything, it was so outrageous! My daughter has not mentioned this to me, but she's been dropping hints about house buying. I just feel completely shocked, disappointed and sad. Just to add, me and my partner met up in our 40s, and bought the house mainly using my partner's assets as he sold his own flat when we moved in together. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you cope?

Add comment | Report
NotSpaghetti Thu 03-Sept-26 15:07:28

No. But we have enough to live on and our own home. We have some savings but not a lot tbh.

I would probably have laughed (uncomfortably) and said "no I really don't think so! I would be quick and blunt about it so no further discussion was available.

If it is ever raised again I'd be very quick with a "absolutely not" response.
I would not give any - reason as someone this pushy would "help" find ways to mitigate them,whatever you said and whatever the reasons were.

Whatever you do, please don't feel guilty.
There time will come.
flowers Thinking of you.

Add comment | Report
NotSpaghetti Thu 03-Sept-26 15:07:51

*Their time!

Add comment | Report
vegansrock Thu 03-Sept-26 15:08:03

“If money were no object of course Id like to help you, but we are on a low income and couldn't afford rent or repayments. DH’s assets are tied up in the house and he doesn't want to risk it - sorry! “(They are being cheekywhatsits. )

Add comment | Report
KGee Thu 03-Sept-26 15:13:01

What a cheek he has asking you to either sell your house and rent or take a mortgage to give them the money! Of course the answer is a definite no and don’t feel you have to justify it. They already own a house and if they can’t afford a more expensive one they should be content with the house they have. Don’t make a big deal of it just say no.

Add comment | Report
Plevey08 Thu 03-Sept-26 15:15:43

Wow... cheeky! I agree with NotSpaghetti. Knock it on the head straight away.

Add comment | Report
JenniRen Thu 03-Sept-26 15:17:50

Tell him you're going skiing.
(Spending the Kids' Inheritance.)

"They are being cheekywhatsits"
They certainly are, or is it just him, the cheeky b****r?

Add comment | Report
Nelli123 Thu 03-Sept-26 15:26:02

I should also add that they got a lot of help from his parents in getting a mortgage for the current house they have. Maybe he thinks it's now our turn to help out as they've exhausted that source. Also, they live in the EU so not even in this country, which muddies waters even further. I read somewhere that if you gift your financial assets it may be a problem if and when you need care assistance, as any previous house ownership is taken into account in calculating the payments.

Add comment | Report
mokryna Thu 03-Sept-26 15:30:21

One daughter thinks I should, jokingly (?) give her some of my savings. She already has had an advance on her inheritance to pay the tax when buying their big house. They are comfortably off. I didn’t reply but it does hurt. Fortunately, her sisters don’t ask for anything.
Yours take the biscuit Nelli123.

Add comment | Report
NotSpaghetti Thu 03-Sept-26 15:34:02

You are thinking of disposal of assets.

I hope you are just wanting to express your feelings here a bit and not seriously looking at renting (or whatever) when they are perfectly fine as they are?
What the other grandparents do is irrelevant.

Add comment | Report
rafichagran Thu 03-Sept-26 15:47:09

Abdolutly not. I would say no with no excuses. Mumsnet would have another name for this pair.
Honestly does your lson in law have no shame? They are too entitled.

Page 1 of 1
Flip | Customise