Favourite expressions you use a lot (lighthearted)

My DM used to say “I cannot be doing with that” about many thing haha

“Were you born in a barn?” (Referring to anyone leaving a door open and letting the cold in).

“You make a better door than a window”, said to someone blocking the light.

“It’s better than being slapped in the face with a wet fish”, (same meaning as the poke in the eye with a stick, I think).

Many of the others mentioned I’ve heard of, too.

Sallywally1 Your granny had a hilarious sense of humour by the sound of it!

All of your replies have had me in fits of laughter!

One I use all the time is: "It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a dartboard!"

And in summer I use ''It's hot enough to melt the sun!''

Brass monkey weather
He/she has a brass neck
Brassed off

Not sure what it is with ‘brass’ in Lancashire where I was raised.

Also - slightly rude - ‘he/she has a face like a tup’s arse’ a tup is a ram.

I can't remember the name of .......

Mine is an all purpose go to - sadly unprintable here!

It can express surprise, horror, or even approval, simply by altering the tone in which it’s said. Often muttered under my breath when frustrated too.

NotSpaghetti

"A poke in the eye with a sharp stick" is the variant I inherited.

This is the first time I've really thought about it!

Mine was ‘ Better than a wasp ( pronounced ‘wahsp’ doon your knickers)
My granny wasn’t as polite as JackyB’s, ‘ Six o’ clock, the fleet’s in, and no’ a hoor painted’
She also described herself like ‘a hoor at a flittin’ ‘ if she was not properly groomed ( which never happened!)
Something which happened a long time ago happened ‘ before God left Kilmarnock’

A few of my favourites, mostly said to children, are
Hard lines ( as the man said when he fell off the train)
It’ll not be long now ( as the monkey said when the train ran over its tail)
Something very annoying is ‘enough to make a dog bite its father’
Something is ‘in two halfs, like the Pope’s bum’
A sore tummy is ‘ a pain in your pinny, right through to your frock’

And many,many more

'she's all fur coat and no knickers' (mum's favourite)

I wouldn’t like to quote my most frequent one, generally targeted at the most intensely annoying radio ads on Classic FM before I turn the volume right down to nothing.

The Viking Cruises woman is just one on the receiving end of my very unladylike oaths.

Fallingstar

Brass monkey weather
He/she has a brass neck
Brassed off

Not sure what it is with ‘brass’ in Lancashire where I was raised.

Also - slightly rude - ‘he/she has a face like a tup’s arse’ a tup is a ram.

There’s also the saying “Where there’s muck, there’s brass”,
( brass referring to money).
Probably goes back to the days of heavy industry and the woollen/cotton mills.

NotSpaghetti

"A poke in the eye with a sharp stick" is the variant I inherited.

This is the first time I've really thought about it!

That’s my family version too!

From my Mum

They couldn’t stop a pig in a poke. If she saw someone with bow legs! I’m assuming poke is an alley between houses, probably Northern

It must be so much easier getting old if you’ve always been ugly! Said whilst peering into a mirror aged about 80

Yes Ziplok I missed that one ‘where there’s muck there’s brass’.
A saying that definitely harks back to the cotton industry is ‘he/she is stuck for bobbins’ meaning bored.
My mum and nana used this.

I’m not as green as I’m cabbage looking is my favourite.
My FiL always said: Time spent in reconnaissance is seldom wasted, and that has stuck with me too.
I use sayings all the time though, bits of speech from favourite TV and cinema, song lyrics etc. - don’t know why.

I can’t be arsed
This too shall pass
Really !
Two left feet

Lots of those above but one which is used regularly here is "as much use as a f..t in a windsock"! Although for some reason, the parents of an friend transposed 'windsock' for 'curtain pole'!

teabagwoman

Another one I grew up with. ‘I love lumpy custard!’ Derivation unknown but said of anyone who was being a doomsayer. Somehow it’s stuck.

Doomsayers were described by my father as "Right lot of Job's comforters."

My retort to doomsayers is "Cheer up, it might never happen!" which was also commonly used in my childhood.

Happy as a flea at a fair. And many of the others.

Oh well, we're here for a good time not a long time!
Often used to justify profligate spending.

Fish hooks and jelly babies!
Used by my later mother in place of swearing [especially if children were present.]

Fallingstar

And not forgetting my mum’s favourite ‘it’s like Fred Karno’s circus’

I had "Fred Karno's army" and " this won't get the baby bathed"( when dawdling).
Also " a little of what you fancy does you good".

boheminan

'she's all fur coat and no knickers' (mum's favourite)

Yes and red hat no drawers 😲
Not that I say that of course but a fave with older family members, also that won’t get the baby a new bonnet.
Apparently I say oh dear! Quite a lot according to DD’s. Now and then 🤦🏻‍♀️ FFS.

"The apple didn't fall far from the tree" and "she didn't lick it off the wall" (both referring to children inheriting parents' traits/habits!).

There’s a silver lining round the every cloud. My DGM would say that when something went wrong.

Some poor soul might be described as “a long string of misery”.
“…..since Dick docked” i.e. a long time.

Magenta8 My mother also used to say ‘it’s like Cases Court ‘ in this house.’ Apparently, Casey’s Court was a music hall turn where both Charlie Chaplin and Stan Laurel performed.

It was the best butter! - when things go wrong from Alice in Wonderland , the March hare I think
As happy as Harry - who was Harry?
Born in a barn
Put the wood in’t door - both if we let a draught in.