Mothering Sunday

I agree V3ra. Her family were in Southern Ireland. She had nowhere to go. When they came to visit my parents put on a happy family show.

Kate1949 it's families like yours that make me glad we have a supportive welfare state these days.
Your poor mum probably had no option but to stay...

My mother did her best under very difficult circumstances. She had 7 children, one died aged 9 months. My father was a violent, abusive, feckless drunk.

My mother somehow managed to clothe and feed us. When us 4 sisters passed the 11 plus, she made sure we had the correct uniforms despite my father only working when he felt like it and sometimes giving her no housekeeping whilst still expecting food on the table. He regularly beat her up.

We had no affection, holidays or days out. Not one. She did her best but I struggle to forgive the neglect, the consequences of which I've had to live with.

My Mum was, and is, lovely so am very sad for all on here who never had a loving Mother in their lives.💐

I'm not in contact with my mom anymore but I do think about this kind of thing around mother's day. When I was a kid I thought we had a great relationship. Looking back, it was super disfuncional. I understand how she got to be the way that she is (childhood abuse) but I can't be around her anymore.

It's hard to put myself in her shoes because I'm dealing with my trauma head on and she has never acknowledged hers. She's always have the emotional maturity of a young child and I almost ended up the same.

There's no love for her left in me and that's sad.

I would love to have had a mum who brushed my hair and showed ne how to ðo 'girl' things and grow up feeling protected and deeply loved.

When I was five I had long bunches I was very proud of. I can remember watching the shadow of them lifting and falling when I played on the swing in the garden.

My Mum cut them off when she was expecting my sister.
She didn't think my Grandma would be able to cope with them while Mum was in hospital ☹️
I never had long hair again.

To me this is a very interesting thread. I have always disliked Mother’s Day because my mother died when I was 6. Now I’m so very fortunate to be a mother, stepmother and grandmother but have to put on act to get through the day. I’m always touched by the cards and gifts I receive but glad when the day is over. My grandmother looked after me after my mother died and I used to buy flowers and a card for her just so I could do the same as all my friends.
I can’t have the wonderful memories that some of you have but equally I don’t have the traumatic memories that others have.

My mum.was just never maternal....I would love to have had a mum who brushed my hair and showed ne how to ðo 'girl' things and grow up feeling protected and deeply loved. I too (along with my siblings) am a bit bemused by the mother's day sentiments, and we all try to find words that are both kind but true. The irony is that we are all such caring children now as she gets older and needs us more. Love to you all in the same shoes! X

So I'm not the only one. I hate mother's day because of the feelings (like most here seemingly) I felt trying to find a card and think of a gift - it was such a chore that I beg my Son's not to bother with me each year but they insist which then makes me feel guilty. The day stirs up so many emotions, I'm glad when it's over.

usedtobeblonde. I feel the very same about my mother. I said to DH only yesterday, that I thought fondly of his mother, on Mothering Sunday, but not my own. Nothing to be done about that now. Like you I respected her, sad with her for days when she was dying. Duty not love.

I understand you valdavi & know my mother was just doing what had been done to her. She thought smacking children ( hard ) was completely normal acceptable ( which to be fair it was back in the 70’s for many people )
She was proud of my achievements and I’m sure she loved me - and I do miss her. But it was never a really close mother & daughter relationship.

You are lucky valdavi. Nothing i ever did was good enough for my mother. She was embarrassed by most things I did but nothing was worse than the fact that I had 5 children.

That’s lovely valdavi

My mother thought that Mother’s Day was a lot of commercial nonsense. I bought her flowers one year( I think I was about 12) and she was really angry - I never did that again! So as a mother I’ve always felt a bit ambivalent about it, perhaps because I now think my mother had a fair point.

It's difficult - my Mum wasn't unloving she just had been brought up in a situation where hitting kids was the norm, & she was very young & just continued doing this.
Yes, she could be cruel verbally, we are quite different which I think makes things more difficult. But she was proud of me (sometimes) & wanted the best for me, even though my brother was her favourite.
She can still be horrid, but I know she loves me & have no problem choosing Mothers Day cards with grateful sentiments.

My mother was never affectionate towards me and always gave me a look f disapproval even when I had done what she wanted … then when my daughter was born, she became a loving huggy Nanny and I saw a completely different side to her.

I was alone for the first time this M Day and reflected on our past relationship and didn’t even go and place flowers/plants n the grave.. am I now a guilty daughter- have mobile issues and just didn’t have the energy so said a quiet prayer and lit a candle ..

I wish the whole damn commercial day was stopped. It puts us estranged parents into a miserable time.

I also look back on a sad and disappointing relationship with my mother.
She had a career and we never spent enjoyable times together .
Aged 15 , she took me out on a special day to an art gallery and ruined it by completely losing her temper.
Everyone in the gallery heard her shouting .
I felt sick.
I was devastated and sat quietly on the train as we went home.
I'd go to my friends houses as a teenager and noticed that my friends were comfortable with their mothers and not afraid of them .

As I grew older and married-she'd lecture me on how to be a perfect wife .
I always felt disapproved of .

I felt as though I'd spent my entire life trying to please her and failing.

When she became ill I looked after her devotedly .
She was nice for a week and then, became quite nasty .
She threatened to call Help The Aged because I suggested that she ate more fruit and vegetables.
Or I hadn't cleaned properly.
She told me that it was obvious that I deeply resented looking after her .

I persevered.

Now when I look back I realise that she was a deeply unhappy person ,who was nervous and frightened of so many things-and I understand and sympathesise .
But -
sometimes I relate to her reactions to things now I'm older .
I find some members of our congregation really difficult ,anti - social and rude as she did . No wonder she wanted my company as she sat alone .

Mum was a stickler for time keeping .
One o'clock meant that not half past or two.
I also feel irritable when a mutual friend is well over an hour late every time we arrange to go out .

My mum, bless her, had a cruel tongue and could bear a grudge but in her late 60s she had two awful strokes. From those she developed a real sense of humour and fun. She died four years later but that’s the fun mum I remembered yesterday and try always to do. She became the mum I had always wanted.

for you all

I can totally relate to this. I was always fed and clothed, but I can never remember my mother showing even the tiniest crumb of affection towards me. She was never physically abusive - my heart goes out to those who were physically abused - but my god, could her words hurt! It took me the best part of 40 years to realise that no matter what I did or what I achieved in life, I would never be good enough for her. Sending to everyone for whom this post really resonates.

I grew up with the saying” after all I did for you” over the slightest thing.
I was an only child, at least I wasn’t compared to a favourite one.

My experience resonates with the above posts. It’s something that those who had caring mothers may find difficult to understand.
Billy Connolly’s comment was spot on.

My mum didn't really like me. My younger brother was the golden one and his many failings forgiven over and over. I was the sensible one, the practical one. I was dad's favourite to compensate. Mum criticised everything I did. It was noticeable to all, my decor, my looks, my food. Anything i did or tried to do for her was "lacking". That was her favourite word for me. So Utbb I understand totally where you are coming from.

"I was always well fed and clothed to the best of her ability as a widow but she was so cruel in her words and this continued this for the rest of her very long life."
I could not agree more used to blond U could have written your post myself.