Mothering Sunday

Growing up , we never had such a thing as Mother’s Day. But if there was, I would have given my mother the biggest card ever.
Later on, I moved thousands of miles away and posted them to her. I still have the last card I bought for her , just before she passed away, and never got to post 🥲
To those who did not have good experiences , I am sad for you.
I personally feel, I haven’t been the good mother to my children, as my mother was to me. My circumstances were different. I hope my children understand. They sent cards and flowers yesterday. I hope it wasn’t out of ‘duty’ ….

Usedtobeblonde I understand what you are saying my mother did her very best for us, we were fed and clothed and she was a stunningly beautiful woman whom everyone gravitated towards, but she was never affectionate, never gave us hugs or kisses that I can remember. However when our younger brother came along both my mother and father lavished him with affection and attention, and we were expected to do the same.
I did love my mum but felt she never really loved me and as a child I always thought it was my fault.
When my own children came along I showed them affection at every turn, and surprisingly my mum did too.
Life is strange.

Same for me. I remember listening to Billy Connolly talking about how cruel his father had been and yet Billy had done everything he could to be a good son.
The interviewer had asked why he had done so much for a cruel father. The answer Billy gave made sense to me and helped me understand myself.
He was constantly hoping for approval and for love. I think that is probably true for most of us who had a cruel parent.
I like to think that I have become a strong person and a loving mother in spite of her rather than because of her. That way I am giving myself that approval that I once craved.
Sending a warm hug to all of you who suffered at the hands of the one person whose job it was to protect us and well done you for surviving.

It resonates with me when you say about choosing cards that didn't express the best mother ever etc., I always bought her chocolates or flowers but out of what I perceived as duty. I felt that she wanted more from me that I wanted to give. She was a good mother, I was cared for and loved but she always held something of herself back, maybe that's why I was the same with her. I have a different relationship with my daughter thank goodness and her card yesterday said on the front 'Love you Mum'.

Usedtobeblonde
I’m the same.
My Mother was also cruel, physically and verbally. I used to read through the lovely Mother’s Day cards and wished I could send them knowing the beautiful words actually applied to us.
But she never acknowledged her behaviour, never said sorry ( which would have meant a lot ) I don’t think she thought she’d done anything wrong?
She died 10 years ago, but funnily enough though - I still miss her sometimes.

I am sorry to hear about your mother but you did your best which is admirable. I have a friend who had to leave her home town because her mother was so cruel to her. The friends has all sorts of mental health problems and she still calls her mother once a week. Her mother still manages to demolish her despite ongoing therapy. I can see the mother living for ages yet as she is tough and determined. I do feel for my friend but all I can do is listen. She still so wants her mother's approval which she will never get.