A surfeit of memorial benches

Gwyllt

I wish memorial benches could be more spread out sometimes walk for miles in lovely countryside and would give anything for somewhere to sit and have our lunch. Instead of perched on a damp broken down wall likely to be covered in damp moss. Think I might set the trend.

Families usually arrange for memorial benches to be placed in a particular place where their loved ones enjoyed the view.

It always surprises me when I see a single person sitting slap bang in the middle of a bench as if they do not want anybody else to sit down. Often they put a bag or rucksack next to them to claim more space.

Gwyllt

I wish memorial benches could be more spread out sometimes walk for miles in lovely countryside and would give anything for somewhere to sit and have our lunch. Instead of perched on a damp broken down wall likely to be covered in damp moss. Think I might set the trend.

You go for it girl!😄

I have no problems with those at all. However, if there were 50 benches in the churchyard, threaded between the grave stones, and forming barriers along the paths, then yes, I would object to them
Yes but there aren't, so who's being
"Suppositious" ?

nanna8

They don’t really have that trend here, probably no one has thought of it. There are not that many benches around really, I can’t actually think of any round here except a couple in local parks. The other extreme I suppose because we could do with a couple more here and there. In the shopping centres they have them ( not memorial ones ) but mostly they want you to go in a cafe and spend money !

They have them in NSW nanna. My DD’s next door neighbour is remembered by a bench overlooking the beach.
This, not very good, photo seems to be popular over in Aus. Some of the decorated rocks were lovely. I seem to have missed them though.

I love my benches in our garden. Tbey are aluminium so very light to move about. They stay out all year so are ready for me to sit with coffee anytime.

I wish memorial benches could be more spread out sometimes walk for miles in lovely countryside and would give anything for somewhere to sit and have our lunch. Instead of perched on a damp broken down wall likely to be covered in damp moss. Think I might set the trend.

RosiesMawagain

^I live opposite the town parish church facing onto the churchyard, which is crisscrossed with paths and there are about half a dozen memorial benches. along the paths, which are well used, altough I have never seen them all in use at once. I have no problems with those at all. However, if there were 50 benches in the churchyard, threaded between the grave stones, and forming barriers along the paths, then yes, I would object to them^

On your own admission you have recently moved to your present home- it is none of your business if a churchyard which has been in existence for hundreds of years containing generations of locals has benches or not!
It’s like those people who move next to a church and complain about the bells, or to the country and complain about cocks crowing.
Unbelievable.

Since I am happy and like the churchyard opposite, what is the problem? I live, effectivly, in a new town,populated mainly by immigrants, London overspill in the 1960s-90s, other nationalities since. The churchyard has been closed since the mid 19th century, so few, if any families living locally have any connection with the inhabitants of the churchyard.

I enjoy the bells, they practice for an hour on Friday evening and have me up and about bright and early on Sundays, what is there not to like?

You seem to be getting very annoyed about something entirely suppositious

Calendargirl

Personally, I like reading the plaques on benches, seeing who they are in memory of.

But I also wander around graveyards, reading the inscriptions on them.

My DH thinks it’s morbid, but there are some lovely quotes on many of them.

I also think there’s no place for tacky plastic flowers, ornaments, teddy bears ….

I agree 100% Calendargirl.

Benches with plaques are fine
Plastic tat and teddy bears are not
Much as I am fond of teddy bears but they have their place and that is not getting soaked and bedraggled on a bench outside.

I think the difference between what the OP is seeing and what I saw yesterday is that the literally 100s of benches I saw in a large area were not at all in the way. The fields, lawns and grassy river banks where people could picnic and children play were completely free of benches. The benches were all back against walls or hedges and didnt impinge on the terrace spaces. They didn't block the pathways at all or make barriers. And not one of the 100s had any form of decoration apart from the small plaques or carved inscriptions. They were part of the scenery and would be greatly used on a sunny weekend.

But had they been spread across the grassy areas like rows of deckchairs on a crowded beach it would have totally spoilt the view and prevented children playing etc

The whole area was litter free as well which by today's standards was impressive.

I live opposite the town parish church facing onto the churchyard, which is crisscrossed with paths and there are about half a dozen memorial benches. along the paths, which are well used, altough I have never seen them all in use at once. I have no problems with those at all. However, if there were 50 benches in the churchyard, threaded between the grave stones, and forming barriers along the paths, then yes, I would object to them

On your own admission you have recently moved to your present home- it is none of your business if a churchyard which has been in existence for hundreds of years containing generations of locals has benches or not!
It’s like those people who move next to a church and complain about the bells, or to the country and complain about cocks crowing.
Unbelievable.

No it isn't a trivial topic. It is serious enough to be causing concern to local councils.

As I made clear at the start, I have no objection to memorial benches, it is is the excessive number of them in some places, where they sterilise large green spaces making it difficult for children to play or for any one who wants to picnic or or even just wander across and enjoy expanses of open land,

I live opposite the town parish church facing onto the churchyard, which is crisscrossed with paths and there are about half a dozen memorial benches. along the paths, which are well used, altough I have never seen them all in use at once. I have no problems with those at all. However, if there were 50 benches in the churchyard, threaded between the grave stones, and forming barriers along the paths, then yes, I would object to them.

But what a trivial topic to get someone’s dander up.
Do you live in any of these areas mentioned OP?
If you did it is not beyond the realms of possibility that you might even know a name inscribed on such a bench.
For those who either are commemorating a loved one or jus want somewhere to enjoy a view/sarnie and cup of tea/ chat with a friend - good luck to them.
I find it mean-spirited and quite irrelevant

There are two such benches in the acres of woodland surrounding our caravan site. One is clearly to the memory of a couple who enjoyed the area and the view from that spot, and I also enjoy stopping for a while there and feel I'm sharing the memories of stopping there. I don't feel I'm intruding or shouldn't share the bench.
The second one mentions someone called Oscar, and I'd often wondered who he was. I found out last summer, when a lady with a dog came by, the dog rushed up and was about to sit by or on the bench, clearly out of habit, and the lady told me Oscar was the dog's predecessor and it's somewhere they also paused during their walks, and seemingly she still does with Oscar's duccessor. So now I know!
I like the connection with the past, and have spent various visits to a well known cemetery near us in Bristol (Arnos Vale) which has some fascinating, though quiet, residents and their various memorials.
Not sure about plastic ornaments on graves, but if it's part of someone's grieving process and memories, I don't think it's for me to judge.

What may be the difference was that all the benches were set back against a wall or hedge. None were spread across the grassy river banks or fields leading down to the river.

I had a lovely walk along the river and up through the terraced gardens in Richmond Surrey yesterday. There are 100s of benches, but they are not intrusive and are very useful as the gardens are steep leading to the top of Rchmond Hill with the amazing view of the winding Thames.
None were decorated. Because of this thread I spent time reading the brass plaques and carved inscriptions. One which stood out was for an 83 year old woman who was lost in the 2004 Asian Tsunami. The bench beside hers was dedicated to an 83 year old man who also died in 2004. Were they together? What a story that would make.

It was a pleasure to see them and I am sure on a busy summer day they are all well used and appreciated.

Today the Daily Telegraph has a long article by William Sitwell on the subject of memorial benches and the way thy are being turned into public shrines. uoting the originak article from Hartlepool faced with 275 memorial benches. South Ayreshire have had reuests for 150 benches in one year, and Dover Council reports that 400 benches have accumulated on Deakl and Walmer seafront.

Now I know Walmer and Deal well as I had close family members living there, whom I visted freuently. I simply cannot imagine where there is room for 400 benches, unless they are end to end with no gaps forming a barrier between the promenade and the sea.

With you RosiesMawagain

Confusion does not enter into it. The benches, their plates and decoration are one and the same thing. I had never seen decorated benches until the news item that triggered this thread. It must be primarily a northen fashion, but effectively it 'sterilises' the bench and makes any one who uses it appear to not be respecting the person it memorialises
I disagree with every bit of this.
Yes you are conflating memorial and benches ( there are plenty without dedications and it is nice to be able to sit and admire a view, read or chat to a friend. They are manifestly not « one and the same thing! «
You say you only became aware of this after reading the DM and then go on to complain about Whitby.
There is no disrespect in sitting on a bench remembering someone- that is why the bench is there . The inscription vey often reads “He/she loved this place”
OK you don’t like them but so be it.

Confusion does not enter into it. The benches, their plates and decoration are one and the same thing. I had never seen decorated benches until the news item that triggered this thread. It must be primarily a northen fashion, but effectively it 'sterilises' the bench and makes any one who uses it appear to not be respecting the person it memorialises.

I think the problem is that now most people are cremated, the memorial facilities ay most crems is uite limited, so people look elsewhere. Most cemeteries and church yards do have places for the interrment and ashes and a stone.

My parents and sister are in a cmetery with an area set aside for cremations and we have a small stone there. Several commemorative stones there are surrounded by flowers and offerings.

There was one stone, uite close to my family grave, which was permanently covered with flowers etc for nearly 30 years. I haven't visited the cemetery for about 10 years now, and the grave could well, still be regularly cared for and wreaths and flowers added. The person whose ashes are interred, was in her 30s when she died.

RosiesMawagain

Let’s not confuse the benches though with the tat some people choose to bedeck them with. I feel strongly about cellophane wrapped flowers, everlasting flowers or anything not biodegradable on graves too.
Teddy bears are definitely several steps too far.
Give them to a children’s ward or hospice “in somebody’s name”

Yes, totally agree with that. It's such a waste. As for the benches themselves, I look at the inscriptions and think it's lovely that someone cared about that person so much to do that for them. There's certainly no over-provision of them in this area.

Let’s not confuse the benches though with the tat some people choose to bedeck them with. I feel strongly about cellophane wrapped flowers, everlasting flowers or anything not biodegradable on graves too.
Teddy bears are definitely several steps too far.
Give them to a children’s ward or hospice “in somebody’s name”

What is it with the teddy bears? You see so many when there has been a sad ecent involving children and sometimes not involving children. But the bears cannot be passed on to children afterwards when they have been in the open and possibly rained on. So they will end up in landfill. Together with the cellophane round flowers and the candles and holders.
Decorating a bench must be deterred as it as has been said above stops people using the bench for its purpose..

I am more than happy to see benches scattered about the environment for people to use and to see memorial plates, but it is a uestion of how many. You can have too much of a good thing. When there are so many benches they stop people who do not want/need to use them from enjoying the amenity they are provided for, then there are too many.

We live opposite the town parish church. There is a foot path from near our house to the High Street the other side of the church yard, probably just over 100metres long. There are 4 benches along the length of the path and a couple have memorial plates. The benches are well used, but no one wantin a sit cannot find a seat. That seems a reasonable distribution of benches, part of the landscape, of use, but not obtrusive.

Were there to be 20 or 30 benches along this passage way, end to end, obstructing the flow of pedestrians and making it difficult to look at the little shops, either side of the path near the top end, that is too many.

The news items in the news media this week have shown just such situations, with many of the beenches decked with flowers, wreaths, teddy bears and photgraphs, that inhibit others from using the benches, then that too, is too much.

Is it the benches or the memorial plaques people are objecting to?
Benches “littering up” an area- really?
And does it matter whether there’s a plaque or engraving on it or not?
Many older people (and younger) like to sit on a bench in a park or by the coast, or possibly in a cemetery- think Highgate or Stoke Newington- , share a coffee with a friend, eat a sandwich lunch , admire the view, get their breath back or indeed just sit.
“What is this life if full of care
We have no time to stand (or indeed sit) and stare?”

The thread comes across as grumpy and mean-spirited - which I am sure was not OP’s intention.

I love memorial benches. In fact we are just looking into having one in the local Memorial park in a small town where mum lived.

When I sit on a memorial bench where ever it is, I always say " thank you Mrs Smith etc" and I then sit and have a ponder not only about my mum but whoever used to sit there and obviously was their favourite view or place.

In fact where the OP mentions in Whitby, the place is where we scattered some of my mums ashes over the railings into the grass (away from public view). When I visit Whitby I will always tie a bunch of yellow tulips to the railings with string that will eventually disappear and of course remove any cellophane.

At Whitby where all the remembrance benches are there is one Dedicated to Sophie Lancaster, she was the young girl who was savagely beaten to death for dressing like a Goth.

I can see why some don't like to sit on what may be called a shrine especially with flowers adorning them.

To be honest the way my legs are at the moment I'm glad of any bench or wall to sit down.