Forced adoption- who was responsible?

Whoever did these awful things should apologise, I’m not sure who was behind it, but pretty sure it would be a combination of many authorities, including the church, NHS and the government

It must have been an absolutely soul destroying time for those young mothers. Just imagine how scared and distraught they must have felt.
Those that will (hopefully) be giving those apologies will have had nothing to do with decisions made then but if it goes even just a tiny way to easing some of the pain, even after all these years, then it must be done.
It seems inconceivable now how it could have happened.

Not forgetting the parents who could have let their pregnant daughters stay at home but instead, because of the massive shame about pregnancy out of marriage, insisted their daughters leave and often for the baby to be adopted, ‘never to darken their door ‘ was an expression often used.

Where were they to go other than to a mother and baby home where the girls may have been treated harshly because they had become pregnant. While the fathers of these children carried on with their lives without blame or responsibility.

These girls could not get accommodation or benefits so were dependent on their parents who because of social norms and embarrassment sent them away.

silverlining48

Not forgetting the parents who could have let their pregnant daughters stay at home but instead, because of the massive shame about pregnancy out of marriage, insisted their daughters leave and often for the baby to be adopted, ‘never to darken their door ‘ was an expression often used.

Where were they to go other than to a mother and baby home where the girls may have been treated harshly because they had become pregnant. While the fathers of these children carried on with their lives without blame or responsibility.

These girls could not get accommodation or benefits so were dependent on their parents who because of social norms and embarrassment sent them away.

Well said!

My experience has been that the parents of the unmarried teenage mothers were influential in getting them off to mother and baby homes where they lived during their pregnancies. Babies were born and placed for adoption. The women I know that this happened to spoke of wanting to keep their baby but it being impossible as their families wouldn’t let them return with a baby. Where were they to go? How would they support themselves and their babies.

These were such different times. Some families helped their teenager hide the pregnancy. She might go to help look after an older relative. Meanwhile her mum or older sister would pretend to be pregnant. Baby comes home with grannie or auntie as mum and birth mum an auntie

I’m not sure the value of this govt apologising for things being so very different . I’m open to being persuaded differently

I am not sure the value of apologies either, and we do need to understand that there will without a shadow of a doubt be things we are doing now ( surrogacy in my view but there will be ones we haven't even thought of) that will merit apologies in years to come.

There’s no value in a government apology now.Often it was the parents of the unmarried girl who pressured her to give up the baby for adoption as well as the mother and baby home, and sometimes girls were relieved to be able to do that at the time.
Later on of course they would have regrets.
Can we not ever say that times were different 50 years ago?
There was no flat provided back then or easy benefits.
At least all the babies were wanted by the adoptive parents.

That’s a good point Galaxy. I also have concerns about surrogacy and feel we haven’t begun to understand the impact on doner children. At least it’s been realised the children should have information about their sperm doner

The unbelievable cruelty to mothers; the complete absence of accountability of the children's fathers; the complicity of some women's parents. It seems unbelievable now these things could have happened.
I'm a Roman Catholic although lapsed and I'm afraid that the Church has got dirty hands and should have a bad conscience about these things.
Perhaps they should apologise.
I can see why the Government has thought twice about this.
How far can anyone apologise for the social standards , ideas and practices of 50 years ago ? I'm not sure why but I feel some unease at the concept .

My sisters chum was sent to England to stay with the woman who was to adopt the baby
Her much older brother went to see her and found her hidden and very poorly , she nearly died of pre eclampsia
That girl never got over the ordeal
Her parents thought they were helping her and were heartbroken when they found out , not all parents were nasty , but these people were professional , teachers , and should have known better

There are a few of you that say that there is no value in apologies now.
I thought that but saw a mother being interviewed who felt that it would be very valuable to be ‘absolved’ of blame.
She might be a lone voice in the wilderness but I doubt it.
If only for her it’s worth it isn’t it?

I know of two girls in my year group who became pregnant. One had to leave school early and I don’t know what became of her. Although she lived in my road I never saw her again. The other married her boyfriend and they had support from both sets of parents. That baby is now a Gran herself.
So much heartache and cruelty for those whose babies were removed.

PamelaJ1

There are a few of you that say that there is no value in apologies now.
I thought that but saw a mother being interviewed who felt that it would be very valuable to be ‘absolved’ of blame.
She might be a lone voice in the wilderness but I doubt it.
If only for her it’s worth it isn’t it?

Yes, I saw a similar interview. If it brings even a small comfort to some of these women, then it's worth it, is it not? Even in the 1980s, I knew the worst possible thing I could do in my mother's eyes would be to get pregnant outwith marriage - and 'bring shame on the family. She left me in no uncertainty over what would happen if I did.

VV. The commonly used ‘never darken our door’ expression springs to mind.
I am not really blaming the parents of these girls because these were very different times and shame and fear of the neighbours judging them was prevalent until at least the 80 s. However, they were the ones who put pressure on their daughters, not the government of the time.

IT seems awful now, it was awful, but at the time when life for a single mother was very difficult stigmatised by society as a whole, unable to get any state benefits, many people saw it as the best solution.

I often wonder what we are doing now from the best of intentions that people 50 years from now react from in horror and wonder hw we can ever have thought it was acceptable - and it will not be anyone's favourite hate . It will be somrthing that we all hold dear - like keepingolder people in their homes as long as possible.

Most adoptions are still forced, but in a different way. Very few babies are relinquished willingly for adoption, most children who are adopted have been taken from their parents under the full weight of law. There is great disparity in practice across Europe and further afield. I think there is a debate to be had around this before we can rest on our laurels and say everything is fine now.

After WW2 The pressure on pregnant teenage girls to give up the baby for adoption, mostly came from her own family who refused to let her bring it home because illegitimate babies/little bastards were a social disgrace.

We lived next door to a "Mother and baby home"... the place parents sent their daughter to live in while pregnant so nobody suspected. Then if she gave the baby up for adoption she could return home with a flat belly some cover story like "glandular fever" to explain a long absence from school/ family home.

Single mothers could decide to keep their baby, apply for a place in council day care, and go back to work.

That's what my long-widowed single Mother did (1962) when she accidentally got pregnant during a long distance affair with a married man. It was a five minute wonder to gossip mongers as her work persona was very well known . She cheerfully brazened it out.

7 years later in 1969 my sister 17 left home , got a job in London. Got pregnant ( no idea which guy) ; told SS to arrange adoption; changed her mind as soon as she gave birth. SS changed gear. Put the baby in temporary foster care until they had found Sis a live-in job with a flat; council day care for baby; she collected the baby at 6 weeks and never looked back.

She went back to college, trained, became a teacher, raised her daughter, bought a house, all on her own.

Those are just two of the many unmarried mothers I knew in the 1960s /70s.

There was no state coercion to have the baby adopted.. There was social pressure from disapproving family. If anything, it was State support and provision which enabled and supported many single girls who wanted, to keep their child, find an affordable home and day care.

ASince my father died, I'd been the child of a single parent, before I watched my Mother and sister both get pregnant with an unplanned child and bring it up alone

I made damn sure that never happened to me or my children.

Am I the only one to think that all this apologising has got out of hand?

When my sister was born in 195-something, her 16 year old mother gave her up for adoption because she had no means of supporting herself and a baby - who would look after the child, while she was at work?

I have no idea if this poor woman felt forced or not to put her child up for adoption. She may never have wanted the baby, or she may have felt she was doing the right thing by the child.

She acted according to the moral norms of the time and the possiblities she had. So did slave owners in the 17th and 18th centuries - and we have had to apologise to the descendants of the slaves for what our ancestors did.

We can, should and must accept the consequences of our own actions, but there is no rhyme or reason in having to apologise for things done at a time when they either were legal or morally acceptable. Nor can anyone be held accountable for another person's behaviour, unless they could have stopped that person from doing wrong.

I was one of those babies, born in 1957. I did learn about it when I was 25. Knowing what I know about my birth Mother it was for the best.
Terrible for alot of the young Mothers at the time though.

Unless it has happened to us personally, how would we know whether an apology from the state would be a help or a comfort. We are not in a position to judge.
If ths women that this happened to would like an apology they should have one.

Societal and patriarchal power. Still a patriarchal society now, just in different ways.

I think forced adoptions were promulgated by Catholic Church. If laws were enacted, perhaps the NHS and government were involved.

We're Catholic, it was despicable.

Adoptions were perhaps a small positive result.

Did their parents ever apologise?

I worked as a social worker in a maternity hospital in a city during the 1970s. Mother and Baby homes were still around but we rarely had cause to use them, except for girls from certain religious/ethnic minorities who feared for their lives from the male members of their families if their pregnancy were discovered. It is certainly true that they would have preferred to keep their babies but it was impossible. So the adoptions were forced by circumstances. We tried every way we could to help them ... even looking into reception into care for the teenagers .... but even this was not safe. It was dreadful. How much still goes on in these communities I do not know.
For most of the young girls the babies were absorbed into the families, adopted by choice or we found ways of helping them to bring up their own babies independently, even some very young women.
Contraception was a big topic and often unsuccessful!