Forced adoption- who was responsible?

I was forced to have my child adopted, but would not want an apology. It was different world then and something to be ashamed of and hidden.

It's history now but the physical and mental anguish never leave. Thank goodness times have changed.

PamelaJ1

There are a few of you that say that there is no value in apologies now.
I thought that but saw a mother being interviewed who felt that it would be very valuable to be ‘absolved’ of blame.
She might be a lone voice in the wilderness but I doubt it.
If only for her it’s worth it isn’t it?

Absolved of blame.
That’s a better description than just an apology.

I think back to when I was 15 and a friend of mine got pregnant,
it was awful, people shunned her, as soon as she was 16 she married the father of her child, he was older than her and a waste of space they lived with her parents who made her life unbearable, she had 3 boys before she was 19. I married and moved areas and I don't know what happened to her. My mother said it was all about what the neighbours thought and she would not have let that happen to any of us. These girls were desperate and it was their own families letting them down. There was nowhere at 16 anyone could find anywhere to live and manage on their own without family, The government of course were wrong but so were the families who pushed their daughters into doing it and both should apologise. Nothing can make up for losing your baby and they should apologise and give every help in tracing lost child, however old they are. These young mothers were treated very badly I feel their pain, it must have been so traumatic for them

I think apologies for past wrongs are not much use.

What good does it do for Keir Starmer to stand up and say he is sorry for adoptions going back 50 or more years?

Yes, it seems unthinkable now that women were ostracised for being a single mother, but that’s how it was back then.

‘Fine words butter no parsnips’.

If the women affected feel that being 'absolved from blame' will help them now, then why not?

Some girls, who brought 'shame' on their 'important' families were diagnosed as being 'moral defectives' and incarcerated in mental hospitals.

My mum was in the army and became pregnant by her commanding officer in 1947 . She had to leave the army of course but the plus side was the army made or the father’s fear of being found out made sure maintenance was paid . She was Catholic and her dad , who was a widower, refused to let her keep the baby until he saw him and relented . Apparently he loved his grandson but sadly died when he was only five . My mother was also left to care for her younger siblings. My bother did suffer the stigma of being called a bastard by some people. In 1957 my mum had me and despite my father being Asian there was no way she was giving me up. She must have suffered terrible abuse but I admired her strength and how hard she worked to look after her family . When I was two she married my stepdad in a “marriage of convenience “ She had security but had many miserable years with him. Her love for us was never in doubt

They were, I met a few such women as a teenager ( why my school thought that was an appropriate work placement for a young teenager I have no idea), those women had been in long stay hospitals for years, and were of course completely institutionalised.

Sorry that was in response to Maremia.

Cultural changes.

Nothing stays the same, and we look back through the centuries, either with horror or nostalgia.

Many people feel threatened by change, but it is inevitable and as apposed to other species, part of the human condition.

By all means apologise, but honestly it is pretty meaningless unless the recipients of the apology feel “better”

Your poor mum, seasider. And the men can just carry on regardless.

I think Mollygo has a good point about absolution. Maybe that is for the Churches to do?

I am not speaking from experience, but can’t understand how an apology from someone not involved can mean anything. I may be wrong but I doubt I would feel any better if I were told that (say) Keir Starmer apologised for a wrong done to me. He could say he was sorry it happened, but that is not an apology. It is an expression of sympathy, which is different.

I think apologies for past wrongs are not much use.
While I think that may be true to a certain extent, I also think it's up to those who have been wronged to decide that for themselves.
I'm thinking back to the baby ashes scandal in Edinburgh, where for decades, families were told that there were no ashes of their babies who were either stillborn or died shortly after birth. In fact, those ashes had been buried in a communal unmarked graves.
An inquiry was held into the scandal and apologies given to those poor parents - and there is now a memorial to those lost babies. I know a few families who were affected by this and believe me, those apologies and that memorial mean a great deal to them.

BlueBelle

*At least all the babies were wanted by the adoptive parents*
we ve no idea if that was true there are many stories of cruelty in some adopted families I certainly know one girl (my youngest daughters friend) who was sexually assaulted by the ‘father’ in her adoptive family
It’s pie in the sky to imagine all these adoptions were marvellous we ve no idea

I would have run away and lived on the street sooner than have my baby taken away I always known that

I bet there’s more cruelty abuse and neglect by the natural parents than by the adoptive parents. You have to really want a child to adopt after all.

Cabbie21

Should the government issue an apology on behalf of the British state for the forced adoptions which were imposed on unmarried mothers?
How did this come about? How did it become part of the system, not just one option among others?
I knew it existed but I do not know where the power came from to enforce adoption on unmarried mothers.

The government absolutely should issue an apology. There will always be those who justify horrific practices. People even still justify slavery. The explanations simply don’t rinse the sins of the practices away.

It isn't about justifying horrible practices ( and again without a doubt something which we considerable normal or beneficial now will be seen as abusive in the future) it us about asking whether apologies now have any value.

In 1937 my mother was forced to give me away, - by her own parents. They stated that she could come home (she had run away when she found herself pregnant), but not with the baby.
She realised that there was no way she could raise me by herself so chose to go home and I was put up for adoption at two weeks old. I've never really blamed her for that decision, although I hate it of course. I understand how hard it must have been for her.
It's appalling that the state was doing this after WW2, causing
such heartbreak. I'm not sure that an apology now would mean much, unless some people would find comfort in it.
Thank goodness we live in more enlightened times now.

Doodledog, I like your version, to offer 'sympathy ' rather than an apology.
If there was a way to ask women, and children, affected by this practice, and then take head of what they want.

I also think that offering sympathy is preferable to an apology.

I think the women want an apology because they were made to feel worthless, helpless and not listened to. . I feel like Bluebell but in reality you could not live on the streets with a baby, they needed to have warmth, food and clothing and someone to provide for them. Most of the men got off without paying any maintenance ever.

Smileless2012

I also think that offering sympathy is preferable to an apology.

I agree. Offering sympathy is more in keeping with what they are actually doing. An apology must come from the person causing the pain or it is meaningless. Politicians and people in authority seem to get this wrong on a regular basis. Says a lot really! (How out of touch with reality they are)

It really is sad that men continue to get away without being equally financially responsible. Even with separation many mothers rely on the state for financial help and/or struggle juggling working and caring alone. If women had been powerful centuries ago, I wonder if things might be different today.

No body seems to have mentioned abortion on this thread. My apologies if I have missed it.

Until the Abortion Act came in, this was not an alternative for most women although illegal abortions ere available if you knew the right person and could afford them.

This meant when a woman became oregnant, the majority were young single people with a young single partner, so they got married . Problem solved, as it was seen then. It was only those who had unavailable or unwilling partners that were faced with becoming a single mother.

Nowadays this group of women in particular would probably opt for an abortion, therefore the problem of forced adoptions would not arise.

At the time all those involved truly thought they were doing the best for these girls. We see it differently.

What are we doing to people now that we think is truly for good that people will condemn as cruel and callous in 50 years time? There will be something.

My friend as a teenager had a baby girl in the sixties, and her parents insisted that the baby was adopted. Years later she married and had two little boys. After she gave birth to her second boy, her mother said " Ooh, I was hoping you'd have a little girl!"

Cossy

Whoever did these awful things should apologise, I’m not sure who was behind it, but pretty sure it would be a combination of many authorities, including the church, NHS and the government

It was first and foremost the parents of the girls who would not have them back home, that's where the blame lies mainly and I doubt many of those are still alive.

I am certainly old enough to remember when pregnancy outside marriage was considered shocking by society. My young cousin got pregnant in the early sixties and ‘had to marry’ the father. Of course, the marriage didn’t last. I remember my aunt (her mother) saying “It was a tragedy to us, but it wasn’t a tragedy to them”. Different generations. In fact, I was rather envious. I’d have liked a baby. I was 22, my cousin was 18.

I’ve sometimes wondered what my parents would have done if it had been me. They wouldn’t have disowned me, I know, but they would have been shocked and ashamed, especially my mother. I like to think that I had far too much sense ever to have been in that situation!