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Not using any modern technology!

(122 Posts)
NanKate Sun 29-Mar-26 12:34:13

I am so frustrated with a friend I used to work with.

She is 88, mobile, but uses absolutely NO modern technology. She lives with her husband who is 93. He does still drive rather erratically down to the supermarket once a week and that’s it.

I took her out to coffee last week and she was so depressed because she felt trapped at home and her husband who has walking difficulties won’t use his walking frame, other than when they have an occasional Coach Holiday.

They are members of the U3A but I doubt they are too involved. Last year she was offered basic lessons in using an iPhone. I encouraged her to participate as it would be a good way to contact her. She gave up after a while and she is still an intelligent woman imo. I do leave messages on her telephone answering machine, but she doesn’t always pick them up.

I suggested they went to our local Everyman cinema which caters for people with walking problems. They have a Blue Badge and the cinema is close to the car park. She said she would like to, but doesn’t know the films that are on, as she doesn’t use the Internet!

She said she would come with me to the cinema, so I hope to find an appropriate film and if she decides after that she won’t go again at least I have tried.

My sister who lives in Italy is just as bad at not using modern technology.

I do hope this is the last generation to live this way

Chardy Wed 01-Apr-26 12:20:27

silverlining48

Well that’s me told …. I don’t think many of us ‘old people’ think it’s clever and sorry you think we are pathetic, but ‘applying oneself’ without help or guidance isn’t easy.

I'm quite shocked by this thread. Learning a whole host of new skills eg email, online banking, social media, Word etc without constant support is difficult once you've left work with consistent tech support, never mind in your 80s. There's also a trust issue that if you download the wrong thing or click on the wrong button, you could lose your life savings.

Lastly how do people know these folk don't try? Maybe they have, maybe repeatedly, perhaps they've been on courses, and failed when they've tried to do whatever it was, alone

Caleo Wed 01-Apr-26 12:28:33

Chardy

silverlining48

Well that’s me told …. I don’t think many of us ‘old people’ think it’s clever and sorry you think we are pathetic, but ‘applying oneself’ without help or guidance isn’t easy.

I'm quite shocked by this thread. Learning a whole host of new skills eg email, online banking, social media, Word etc without constant support is difficult once you've left work with consistent tech support, never mind in your 80s. There's also a trust issue that if you download the wrong thing or click on the wrong button, you could lose your life savings.

Lastly how do people know these folk don't try? Maybe they have, maybe repeatedly, perhaps they've been on courses, and failed when they've tried to do whatever it was, alone

Chardy, your post made me think again------I had not quite understood that this thread was to do with use of tech for personal business such as banking. I had thought it to be about entertainment liberal learning.

You make a very good point.

REKA Wed 01-Apr-26 13:10:20

V3ra

^But the endless requests for me to sort out insurance, purchase things from Amazon or wanting an online shop. Well, it's rather annoying.^

REKA have you tried offering to talk your friend through how to do one of these things herself? I'd suggest buying something through Amazon to start with.
Next time she asks you to do it for her, tell her no, but this is your best offer!

I've tried! She just won't entertain the idea. She breezily tells me she doesn't need to as she has me!

I'm going on strike!

NanKate Wed 01-Apr-26 15:50:43

Well I have done it. My friend thoroughly enjoyed her first trip to our cinema. I gave her a list of all the facilities at the cinema so she would know how to book tickets etc.

She said her husband had said ‘it wasn’t a proper cinema’ what tosh’, comfy seats, rugs for your knees, service at your seat.

However I suspect they won’t go, even though with their Blue Badge they can park about 200 yards from the cinema.

Allira was that you in the front row with an enormous carton of popcorn ? 😀

Wyllow3 Wed 01-Apr-26 16:01:38

Many AI responses are great! Ask it things like "how can I stop wooden jumpers itching - ta da - the answer and refs to more on the right.

Also other sorts of information - given petrol prices - I asked "how much petrol does Z (name my car make) need to travel from Y (my road) to X (sons house)"
Up came the route, the mileage, and how much petrol travelling at different speeds.

Load of history and nature and plant information

"how can I grow lavender bushes from cuttings"..ta da...

Allira Wed 01-Apr-26 16:09:11

"how can I grow lavender bushes from cuttings"..ta da...

They seed themselves in all the cracks in the paving slabs here!!
Pull out gently, put in a small pot with compost and you have new plants for free.

Grantanow Fri 03-Apr-26 11:32:51

The water closet was new technology once.

SueEH Thu 09-Apr-26 11:00:53

Until the day she died at 93 my mother told everyone proudly that she’d never used a computer in her life.
She was decidedly miffed when she was in hospital and couldn’t communicate with us or watch things on an iPad.
And was always very happy when I found them a cheap cruise online 🤣
I’m of the view that in this day and age there is no excuse at all for not being able to at least use a mobile phone.

Doodledog Thu 09-Apr-26 12:00:59

I think everyone should please themselves, but I do get irritated when people who refuse to use IT expect systems to accommodate their refusal and run two parallel lanes. Things like getting information from councils is very easy online*, but there are those who expect to be able to go in and speak to someone, or to speak on the phone because they 'don't do things online'. This means council tax is spent on staffing help desks and phone lines instead of on things like potholes and social care.

*I am aware that finding information is easy when you know how and less so when you don't; but if people just refuse to even try they will never learn. Online services have been around for decades now - how long is the 'catch up' period supposed to be?

There is no right to have things run in a particular way, and businesses will always do things in the way that's most profitable. Online shopping may mean that shops are closing, but a lot of people shop online because for non-drivers it is more convenient than going to out of town centres. It's often the people who were happy to use retail parks because of free parking who now complain that they can't easily shop online. They weren't concerned for people who couldn't easily get to out of town centres, and those people will be more likely to prefer online shopping as you can do it without paying for taxis. The retailers will provide whatever it is that most people want, and everyone else has to adapt, one way or the other.

Aely Thu 09-Apr-26 12:07:35

NanKate

I’m taking my friend to ‘The Far Away Tree’ as I know she used to read Enid Blyton as a child. We may be the only pensioners there 😀

I thought if I took her to anything with swearing in she would hate it, or a sex scene 😳 my choices were very narrow. If she read some of the books I read she could have a touch of the vapours! Just read the award winning ‘The puppet show’ by M W Craven, very violent for a tiny minority of the book but other than that I could hardly put it down.

I'll probably be there too, NanKate, along with my daughter. We both loved the book when we were children.

SueDonim Thu 09-Apr-26 12:28:29

The thing is, Doodledog is that information online is only as good as the people who upload to it. As an example, our city centre was closed off to traffic and on street parking suspended recently, without notice. Retailers and the hospitality people lost a lot of money due to this. It transpired that there was a sporting event on, information which the council had failed to mention even once on their website so no one knew it was happening! It could have generated a good deal of income locally if people had known.

Sometimes, going in and seeing someone face to face is the only way to resolve an issue. An error was made with the name on my bank account which caused many security problems for me. I contacted them on line/phone but I was given the brush off every time. Luckily we still have quite a large branch locally and I ended up going in to see managers in person, armed with passports etc. It still took three visits to finally get it sorted but I doubt it would ever have been resolved if it was online only.

Norah Thu 09-Apr-26 13:16:10

There is no right to have things run in a particular way, and businesses will always do things in the way that's most profitable. Online shopping may mean that shops are closing, but a lot of people shop online because for non-drivers it is more convenient than going to out of town centres..... The retailers will provide whatever it is that most people want, and everyone else has to adapt, one way or the other.

Yes, People will adapt to convenience, I totally embrace online shopping. Why would I waste petrol and time shopping?

NittWitt Thu 09-Apr-26 13:38:58

At a group I'm in, yesterday, a new member offered cash to the leader instead of the standing order we all usually do.
The leader said No as it would make extra work for her to keep track of it and pay it in at a bank or post office.
She suggested the person make regular one-off payments into the account.
Even that means she'll have to keep an eye on whether it's happening.

I'm not a big fan of tech and have thought from the start there's huge danger in all our governments, banks etc relying on it.
I can't do anything about that, tho, so I accept it has to be used sometimes.
Those insisting on not using it should recognise they are causing difficulties to others as well as themselves.

Doodledog Thu 09-Apr-26 13:39:33

I see what you mean, SueDonim, but the answer is not to make people go in, but to improve the online service.

NittWitt Thu 09-Apr-26 13:44:51

I could understand more if she was 85. But the endless requests for me to sort out insurance, purchase things from Amazon or wanting an online shop. Well, it's rather annoying.

REKA you, and others in this situation, really need to tell/encourage your friends to take responsibility for themselves like actual adults.
Be as tactful as you like while giving them a bit of a boot up the bottom.
Offer to help them, ask at a library or CAB about help with basic computer use, but don't keep being a doormat.

1summer Thu 09-Apr-26 14:03:34

Most of my friends and relatives are tech savvy, I personally think it’s important to try and keep up with technology (although I did work for a Government Technology Agency for over 20 years so have an interest in it).
But I would find it hard and potentially lose money by not being able to compare costs on best deals for holidays, cars, white goods, etc etc. The ease of booking cinema and theatre tickets having tickets emailed to you. Buying and having food delivered. It was on the TV recently the number of cafes, bars, pubs and restaurants that you now have to scan a QR code to order food and drink (I don’t actually like that as you can’t ask questions- but I can’t stop it happening). Seeing all your medical records, appointments and medications together on an app. Seeing and speaking to callers at your house on Ring.
At my local sports centre you now can only book classes or swimming slots on the app.
Listening to any music, asking questions, controlling plugs on smart speakers.
I am sure lots of people can think of many other ways technology helps us.
I do worry some people get left behind in this technological age but it’s not going away.

SporeRB01 Thu 09-Apr-26 16:27:47

I personally feel an iPhone is a bit complicated for someone in their 80s to use.

Recently, I bought a simple Doro flip phone for my DH. I like one of its features - an assistance button on the back of the phone. So, if my DH does not feel well, he can press the button and it will automatically call my mobile phone number.

Even that, I went to Mobile 3 shop and asked one of the staff to set up the Doro phone for me because it only comes with a battery, no SIM card or memory card. It has a charging cradle which I never use before. So, I bought a new charger which is suitable for the charging cable.

Cannot imagine someone in their late 80s doing all that.

petra Thu 09-Apr-26 19:05:59

Dalrymple
I’d give up now if I were you. There is no hope if think Eastern Europe is remote 🤦🏼‍♀️

Cabbie21 Fri 10-Apr-26 13:05:42

Age itself is not the problem. It’s the mentality.

NittWitt Fri 10-Apr-26 13:49:01

At my local sports centre you now can only book classes or swimming slots on the app.

Visiting a friend, we went to her local swimming pool. There was no way for me to get in because I wasn't a member.
The receptionist did try, for some time, to find a way on the computer to admit me but no luck.
So we had to leave.

Grantanow Sat 11-Apr-26 11:04:16

I'm 79 and have been computer literate since about age 21. No reason for me to give up on useful technology. Partner has learned to use Word ( wrote a book), email, Amazon and other shopping and how to access bank account but sometimes needs help with email attachments. Also uses mobile phone and Whatsapp. It's not difficult.