Funeral

I simply do not understand.. I will be dead! what does it matter? it is for those remaining to "celebrate" as gives them comfort... I simply do not understand.. I have prepaid for my cremation, those remaining can add to it if they wish or not.

We all should think about it and talk to our families.

My husband and I discussed what he wanted, during the last month of his life, so arranging his funeral was relatively easy.
After I had dealt with probate, I got back in touch with the undertaker and took out a pre-paid funeral package for myself, filled out the folder with my wishes, filed it with the firm online, paid money into the account and have told my son where to find the folder, and the clothes I wish to be buried in.

It wasn't a particularily pleasant task, but the peace of mind once it was attended to is worth the temporary discomfort of attending to it. A bit like going to the dentist.

Both my husband and I have organised Pure Cremation

Jaxjacky

I don’t keep thinking about it, wrote it all down and filed about fifteen years ago, immediate family notified.

That is what I did.

Revisted it this year, and changed half of it!

Paid for direct cremation. I have no interest in what they do when I’m gone
They are now free to….mourn..I hope. Or celebrate me as they will.
I’m not here

I’d certainly like some singing of favourite old hymns at mine, but since I won’t be there to care, it’ll be up to dds, or dh if he’s still around.
I don’t want any money wasted on flowers! My father said he’d come back and haunt anyone who spent money on flowers for his funeral, so my mother put a small bunch on his coffin anyway - because she wanted him to.
And before anyone asks, no, he never did.

Thinking of you MadameP at this sad time.
💐

My lovely husband sadly died 2 months ago. He knew it was coming as he had terminal cancer and wanted a direct cremation with no-one attending. We had attended too many funerals for elderly relatives and neither of us wanted similar. We are not religious.
He arranged and paid for it all in good time and told all his close relatives so when the time came they knew his wishes.

The funeral directors were fantastic. Kept me fully informed about how the cremation would be held and when. It was very dignified and caring. I’ll do the same when my time comes.

He also bought a tree in our local memory gardens and his ashes will be interred there.

I realise this is not for everyone especially if you have faith but it was perfect for us.

I still believe whilst personal choice is important, funerals are for loved ones left behind. We discussed our plans with our adult children. I wouldn’t want to impose something they were unhappy with

We have just arranged cremation no service no fuss. I used the service for our Auntie a few years ago all done for us very straight forward.
We have told our family we did it to save them from having to do it. They are disappointed and don't consider it would be a fuss. It's done now I am sure when the time comes They will realise we saved them alot of hassle at a difficult time.

Do you ? Just shows that everyone is different and I agree, write down your wishes where possible !

Rocketstop2

Have you seen those 'Water cremations' ? Basically you are put in a vat of chemicals and sort of melted down.Yuck..I know I'd be dead...but still ..

I actually like that idea - I think it's good to be looking at alternatives to either burial or conventional cremations.
And I think it actually makes life easier for families if you have stated your wishes beforehand. Ok, so they don't have to follow your instructions to the letter, but at least it gives them something to work with. I know families who have struggled because they had no idea what sort of funeral the deceased would have wanted - whereas it would have given them some comfort to know that they were at least following their wishes and giving them the kind of send-off they would have wanted.

Have you seen those 'Water cremations' ? Basically you are put in a vat of chemicals and sort of melted down.Yuck..I know I'd be dead...but still ..

No. Wish is direct cremation. Tbh, though, if they want something different, meh. Shan’t care. I’ll be gone.

grumppa - that’s the spirit

I have specified my wish to be cremated, but apart from that I am leaving it to my children to do what they feel best suits them. I am an atheist, but if a Christian funeral service appeals to the family, then so be it. I am confident that they will organise a suitable wake!

I think it depends slightly on when you die, which I realise sounds odd!

If you die when still relatively spry and active, involved with local people and events, then more people are likely to come than if you live to a great age, in a nursing home or hospital say, when many friends and even family have already died.

How often do we hear someone has died and you think that has happened already, as you have seen or heard nothing of them for a long time?

As for direct cremations, yes, cheaper, less fuss and arrangements, but I wonder if later on remaining family might feel they missed out on a final goodbye?

Closure, an overused word nowadays, but maybe more relevant than you think.

My cremations bought and paid for completely, simple like me, simple like my life, however I did hit a stumbling block as my adult grandkids were appalled that it was going to be a simple private goodbye, they felt they needed to say goodbye properly so after all my careful plans I ve had to admit defeat and add on a tea (party) where they can do or say what they want. ( money put aside for it)
The reason I was going to keep it simple as one child plus family lives in Europe one child plus family live in NZ and only one here to do all the arranging, She’s already got the short end of the straw 2POAs and decisions about possible care, selling house after my demise, etc etc and I was trying to make it as simple as possible for her and everyone else.
Best laid plans of mice and men eh

ViceVersa

HowVeryDareYou2

My husband and I both signed up for body donation to medical science 15 years ago. We are in our late 60s now.

As I said in answer to a previous poster, just be aware that you need to have a plan B in place in case they don't accept the bodies - which can happen for any number of reasons. I only know this because my mother wanted to donate her body to science, but they couldn't accept it as they already had their full quota.

I second ViceVersa my friend left his body to science.
He was quite old when he died and the organisation came up, took what they wanted and left the rest.
His wife then had to have a quick reassessment of her plans.
He went to the crematorium on his own and we had a get together later to remember him.

I could not be so cruel as to stop my children giving me the funeral that best suited them, Yes, I know what I would like, and have told them, but I have always made it clear that they are free to completely ignore my reuest and do as they wish.

Everyone, every family, knows how they can best mourn the loss of a member, so, as I said I think it cruel and tyranical for the living to try to exercise control over how individuals mourn after their death.

I have already paid for my grave, a woodland burial, alongside my late husband.
Whether the funeral is just a graveside event or a church service, or both, will be up to my family, and that rather depends when I die. If I am still an active member of the church choir, I would hope they would honour my suggestions for a church service, though they are not actively religious, but if I live for a long time when I am no longer active, that might be different.
My notes are unfinished, so that’s another job to complete.

ViceVersa

HowVeryDareYou2

My husband and I both signed up for body donation to medical science 15 years ago. We are in our late 60s now.

As I said in answer to a previous poster, just be aware that you need to have a plan B in place in case they don't accept the bodies - which can happen for any number of reasons. I only know this because my mother wanted to donate her body to science, but they couldn't accept it as they already had their full quota.

Yes, we're going to do that. My dad donated his body, and at the moment, my recently deceased SIL is with the medical science department. Our local hospital (QMC in Nottingham) is a teaching hospital.

HowVeryDareYou2

My husband and I both signed up for body donation to medical science 15 years ago. We are in our late 60s now.

As I said in answer to a previous poster, just be aware that you need to have a plan B in place in case they don't accept the bodies - which can happen for any number of reasons. I only know this because my mother wanted to donate her body to science, but they couldn't accept it as they already had their full quota.

Like Judy54 I've never been to a wailing/screaming where everyone was needing to “say something" type funeral.

I think the ones I've been to have been cathartic for family in particular and it's so nice to hear other stories about the person who has died. Things you might never know otherwise.

My little granddaughter, after her great grandmother's funeral, was amazed that her great grandmother had been a little girl. She enjoyed chatting away with a relative in her 80s. It was lovely to see.

I am sorry that so many of you seem to have had negative experiences of funerals.