Funeral

I don’t keep thinking about it, wrote it all down and filed about fifteen years ago, immediate family notified.

No, I do too for similar reasons, but I think more about my disposal than funeral.

No I don’t as I’ve already bought and paid for a direct cremation. I don’t want a funeral. I’ve always hated being the centre of attention so would rather just go off without a fuss.

I know that my family would find solace in organising a funeral - I watched this with my OH and could see how it helped them all.

My friend, long before she knew she was dying, did a funeral plan. When she knew she was dying, she instructed me what her obituary was to say, what the order of service was to say and what the announcement in the local newspaper was to be. All I had to update was the date. This made things easier for her partner.
I fully intend to have a funeral plan organised. I just haven't got round to it yet. I know what music I want and which hymns and reading. To be honest, if my children don't choose to follow my wishes, there isn't a lot I can do! I suppose I could always haunt them

I have just told my children whaat I want, then it is up to them. You could write it down and give to the person who will be arranging your funeral, or you could talk to a local undertaker and agree everything upfront.

My aunt did this, liaised with the priest at her church, the undertaker and so that one phone call to the undertaker was all her husband would have to do.

It was more than just a prepayment plan. The priest knew what music was reuired and who would give the eulogy(me) and who to contact about any last minute arrangements. and she paid up front for everything, because she knew she would die before her husband, she was 10 years his senior and she had severe heart problems and she knew that because of his mental health problems, once she went her OH would be incapable of dealing with everything that followed.

Everything went without a hitch, as she had planned, when the day arrived.

Hopefully my body will still be acceptable to science.
I signed up for this many years ago.

I’m torn. Like Bellasnana I would hate to think people were telling my life history to all and sundry at a funeral but on the other hand I can see what Luckgirl13 means. 🤷‍♀️

Bellasnana

No I don’t as I’ve already bought and paid for a direct cremation. I don’t want a funeral. I’ve always hated being the centre of attention so would rather just go off without a fuss.

My sentiments exactly.

I also told my family my preference but left decisions up to them. I really dont care honestly certainly not something I'll fret over in the time i have left.

I fully intend to have a funeral plan organised. I just haven't got round to it yet.

I think we have to be prepared for it to be too late at some point!

I've told my partner and my son that there is to be no funeral. Just get me taken to the local crem and that's all they'll need to sort.

tanith

I also told my family my preference but left decisions up to them. I really dont care honestly certainly not something I'll fret over in the time i have left.

I am not actually fretting about it but, even though I have written it all down and the DDs know where to find it, it still keeps coming into my mind. I guess because mortality has been somewhat thrust in front of me in the last year. It is not something that can be pushed into the back of the mind.

petra

Hopefully my body will still be acceptable to science.
I signed up for this many years ago.

You do need to have a plan B in place just in case that can't happen. This is what happened with my mother - they couldn't take her body as they already had a full quota, so we were left wondering what to do next.

I think more about not being here anymore than about my actual departure.
I would prefer a direct cremation and then family and friends to have a get together/meal etc. But as my friends are the same age or older, my sister older it could be that there wouldnt be many who know me left!
But I wont think about it today as the sun has come out. I didnt have much say in my arrival!!

We,ve decided on unattended funerals straight to the crem from the funeral parlour.
We,ve attended 14 funerals of close family and friends in the past 15 months and it’s not something I,d want my family to endure .
Mind ,if it carries on at this rate there won’t be anyone to attend ,certainly not from our generation though 4 last year were friends of my children in their 40,s .
My best friend who died a year ago arranged for just her daughter and grandchildren in the crematorium ,it was streamed to the rest of us at home and abroad and it was a very calm and peaceful.
That’s what I think we,d prefer ,we,ve been to massive funerals with much sobbing and screaming and everyone needing to “say something” it’s very harrowing ,not how I’d want to be remembered.
Music?
The Voyage by Christy Moore and Judy Collins version of In My Life to see me out .

Sun here too - but going out in it would involve getting blown over!

My mother-in-law died last Christmas and had some contradictory ideas in a folder. We had discussed her funeral occasionally over the last 15 or 20 years and had looked at her folder maybe half a dozen times.

She had changed her mind several times over this period. She was a lively vibrant woman and her change of plans from one thing to another, back again and then all change was a feature of what my lovely husband said about his mum.
It's nice to be "guided" but too much control is tough.
What we did reflected her. Smart, tidy, wild, determined, beautiful, honest and very personal.
I suggest you collect your ideas together - but feel free to change them as your thoughts change.

My father-in-law wrote what he wanted my husband to say.
It was SO totally not "him" and read like an academic life story.
"On 4th August 1952 he was promoted to xxx and the autumn met n at 42 St John's street. In September 1953 he...."

It was tedious, dull and covered many pages.
It only spoke to a lack of joy.
Very sad.

My parents let me decide how their funerals would be conducted as they knew it would be a fitting tribute to them. My father in law had it all set out and when we went to see the Vicar he just said it has all been pre-arranged. We did not have a say which was disappointing as we would have put more humour into it. It was very staid. I am going out with 'Sooty, ever so naughty Sooty......'. Why? Because Sooty has provided sources or comfort to me in my life when I was at my lowest and made me laugh. Also, it will hopefully mean people will walk out of my funeral with a smile on their faces.

My daughters discussed my funeral when we were planning their fathers. We have an outline and I agree with their father, funerals are for the people left behind.

I don’t really think about it, though at a recent funeral for a neighbour, I did wonder whether another neighbour, very nearly 90 but still very active, was looking at the coffin and thinking, ‘Soon that’ll be me in there…’.

I’m not having a funeral . They. aren’t compulsory. I hope my family will have a cheerful memorial lunch.

I decided on a cardboard coffin when I saw the newspaper pics of the late George Melly's funeral.

I just want as simple as possible, no singing, no trite words and waffle, no flowers. Straightforward cremation.

But I must have a cardboard coffin with a Sunflowers design on iy. I found a cardboard coffin manufacturer site with dozens of glorious designs - it's a bit of a pity it will be going up in flames, but then I won't be here to give a damn.

Paddyann54 I agree with you. I dont want to put my 2 daughters through something I dont want anyway. But it will be their choice. I dont want to make arrangmenets that they are not happy with.
I recently watched a streamed small funeral from a crematorium and it was pretty awful. Not what I want for them at all.
I had better talk to both of them. I think poorly DH will be first. So I had better get my thinking cap on soon...he doesnt care. But not today.