Cast out

I'm sorry this has happened to you. You can't just blame your dil though. Your son has a role in this too

Whatever the circumstances now, what you have done for your autistic grandson will have helped him immeasurably and you are to be congratulated for all you did in helping him to cope with life.

It sounds as though you have been a rock steady influence to both boys in the middle of their parents' tumultuous breakups. The boys may not be able or even realise how to show how grateful they should be.

It looks as though both parents are too caught up in their own affairs to reflect on how much gratitude they owe you and it rather looks as if both of them are selfish users.

Your grandsons will always remember all you did and love you for this.

As for your son and wife. Six of one and half a dozen of the other. He is just as much to blame for all that has happened as his wife and that includes bending to his wifes will when he should know better.

Am so sorry this has happened. But I agree that it is your son who needs to be more proactive about you seeing the children.
We are in a situation that has resulted in us not seeing our two GCs in Australia, because our son cheated on his wife who subsequently divorced him, she is actually a lovely DiL. Our son shows no real interest in being an involved dad and so there is little chance of him bringing our GCs over here to see us. We did go over there to see them but since my DHs stroke it has become impossible. And our DiL is remarried now and we hear little from her or our GCs, now in their teens.
Be firm with your son and say that you would like to see the GCs and tell him bring them to you if your DiL is a bit awkward.
Am sure they both love you lots and must miss your involvement in their lives.
💐💐

Oh. nanagi7 - it must be so hard for you, after having been so involved in your GS’s lives. Sorry to say, you have now been made ‘redundant’. They have used you.
Our sons are so led by their wives, it’s unbelievable. But we have to accept that’s how it’s going to be and just be thankful for the crumbs that’s thrown at us.
I have 6 GC . All my family live in the same town, but I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like to.
My daughter is divorced and has a bad habit of ringing me on the hop, and asking me to go here or there. I just can’t rush things. I like to know well in advance.
I wish she would have asked me out for a drive today. It’s such a beautiful day. All I’m doing is watching my clothes blowing dry on the line.😂
You too Fallingstar - your family is so far away.. I feel for you.
For you all

Appalling and I’m saddened by this and sad for you and your grandson.

How very awful for him when he’s been so close to you.

I’d be having a huge blunt word with my son, if I found myself in this situation.

Fallingstar

Am so sorry this has happened. But I agree that it is your son who needs to be more proactive about you seeing the children.
We are in a situation that has resulted in us not seeing our two GCs in Australia, because our son cheated on his wife who subsequently divorced him, she is actually a lovely DiL. Our son shows no real interest in being an involved dad and so there is little chance of him bringing our GCs over here to see us. We did go over there to see them but since my DHs stroke it has become impossible. And our DiL is remarried now and we hear little from her or our GCs, now in their teens.
Be firm with your son and say that you would like to see the GCs and tell him bring them to you if your DiL is a bit awkward.
Am sure they both love you lots and must miss your involvement in their lives.
💐💐

That’s so sad 🥀🥀🫶🫶

Fallingstar 15.39- thats sad 😔 💐

That’s awful to hear and I’m so sorry it’s happened to you, is happening rather. Please speak to your son just saying how you miss the children, don’t criticise their mother, don’t make him take sides. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Your son seems to have a chaotic and unstable relationship . Bide your time . You will be needed again soon enough.

Magenta8

Whatever the circumstances now, what you have done for your autistic grandson will have helped him immeasurably and you are to be congratulated for all you did in helping him to cope with life.

It sounds as though you have been a rock steady influence to both boys in the middle of their parents' tumultuous breakups. The boys may not be able or even realise how to show how grateful they should be.

It looks as though both parents are too caught up in their own affairs to reflect on how much gratitude they owe you and it rather looks as if both of them are selfish users.

I agree.
Maybe it won’t be long before they all need you again as they don’t exactly sound like a sound relationship.Stay as friendly as possible with them if you want to see the DGC.

Your son is no better than his wife in all this.
But 'leatst said soonest mended'...I hope you see your GC soon

I absolutely cannot understand why men don’t stand up to their wives. My sibling, a very wealthy and intelligent man, calls his wife the commander in chief. Her word is law. Why? It’s as if they can’t think for themselves. I find it pathetic.

I agree Gran22boys. I also think that women who are dominated by their male partners should stand up for themselves.

Just because you are in a partnership it doesn't mean that you shouldn't think for yourself.

Bullies of either sex should not be tolerated especially if it is detrimental to the wellbeing of children.

Wow, I know exactly how deep your pain is. I am going through the same situation with my daughter who chose, after three years, to go back to her abusive ex-husband. I have been a surrogate parent every day since we finally got them out of the house during the middle of the night.
For me, it feels like a death. The grief is terrible for the loss of my grandchildren. I hope you find comfort in the comments here regarding the influence you have had on your grandchildren. You taught them love during their most formative years. Someone posted that your son will soon see that things in his relationship with your daughter-in-law haven’t changed. I’m hoping that is true for both of us. Let’s hang in there together. ❤️

So sad x

Mine did that, it's not uncommon, but we must have raised weak sons who are under the thumb

nanagi7 - sorry for this loss of your grandsons but I'm sure given the circumstances you could speak with a family solicitor free of charge for one hour to find out exactly what options you have. Your younger grandson seems to have bonded with you and relied in fact on your presence to reach secondary school. It's not appropriate for such a child to be wrenched away from the person who has given him stability - if there've been three break-ups who's to say there won't be a fourth? Sounds like his parents aren't actually fit to properly care for his emotional needs. You may be able to get visiting rights to both grandsons using this type of reasoning. Good luck.

As sad is this situation is please stop blaming the mother alone, your son bears equal responsibility, if not more than her.

There is a theme of men blaming women, or women blaming women, when the mean are equally at fault. I feel for you, as you are missing your GC, and they have not deserved this loss of contact. I hope that it will resolve itself.

Sorry to hear this. Your son should take blame too, but it's probably easier for him to bimble along.
I would like to say "Welcome to the club". I have 5 grandchildren. Was made to feel very unwelcome when visiting dd 1 & gc no 1. Saw gc no 2, by dd2, at gc 1's Birthday, and was threatened by her father for saying "hello" to her. Never seen gc 3, 4, or 5. Infact, knew gc 3 was on the way but dd 1 cut us off, found out about gc 4 & 5 through a friend who saw it on Facebook.
Sadly, if they ever find out that they have loving grandparents who they have been denied contact with, they will probably never bother to look for us.
Our wills reflect this and our chosen charities will be the beneficiarys.
I am, however, filling a box with cards and small gifts on Birthdays, Christmas etc. for each of them.

You are not alone .
Your grandson will always treasure being with you .
I'll never forget my grandmother's love and the attention that she gave me .
In my family ,one very useful member has also been treated badly now that his talents are no longer required.
In increasingly failing health-he has moved away. When he talks a
One of my grandchildren loves being with me because she loves artwork and baking .
A disagreement has made her mother prevent my seeing her .
It has absolutely broken my heart .

Oops posted before I'd finished !
I meant to say that the family member's voice breaks everytime he talks about his grandchild.
Eventually neither of us will be around and I wonder how our children will feel about the way they've acted.
I hope that our grandchildren will have happy memories of us .

Do something that you enjoy . It's important for you to do something for yourself.
There's so much on offer out there.
The pain doesn't go away -but it diminishes with time.