Retirement is it what you thought it would be?

My retirement is the opposite of what I hoped for. Terminally ill husband and frequent childcare for three very loved grandchildren including one with challenging autism. I am very busy. Not lonely but exhausted. I am 66 and hoped for a few years of relaxation and travel. Guess I must have been really wicked im a former life!

Gingster and 62Granny so sorry to hear both your husbands have had dreadful strokes like mine.
I thought things were bad when I looked after my Mum for 14 years. She had dementia later on and lived to 97 so much older than my husband. I never expected to be caring for the rest of my life and it is exhausting.

swampy 1961 I hope you can find some happiness of your own and your other half can do the same.It's very bad if you have got to this time of life and can't do at least a little of what you want, I hope you can have the conversation and it goes well.

Aveline - I am so interested in helping people. I am interested in contacting lonely people via the helpline. I’m a retired mental health nurse and would love to help in some way. Can you advice please. My retirement has not been what I hoped after the death of my DH

knspol I understand your loneliness, but going somewhere once and not going again because no one spoke to you is not really giving anyone a chance. I have lived about half my adult life in villages and like anything, it takes time, volunteering to help is the usual way in. Not volunteering in the grand scale, but helping to gather up cups and saucers after an event and things like that.

You have to project yourself outwards, find some reason to speak to someone so that a conversation can start. Hav you considere joining something like U3A (University of the Third Age, National Womans Register.

I made several good friends through goingto Gransnet meet-ups.

Making the first move is always difficult, especially when you are not used to it and it goes against the grain but that is the only way forward.

Kathmaggie

Aveline - I am so interested in helping people. I am interested in contacting lonely people via the helpline. I’m a retired mental health nurse and would love to help in some way. Can you advice please. My retirement has not been what I hoped after the death of my DH

AgeUk do online befriending.

I am not retired yet, but wanted to comment on the arthritis point and exercise. My mum had this and she swam every morning. She was fortunate that she lived close enough to a hotel that had an extra warm pool, that she could be a member of at a reasonable price. She made some good friends this way. She also felt it really helped with the arthritis, so if that is an option for you go for it.

I swim regularly, but have never made friends with anyone at the pool, but my mum could chat for England.

I've only just seen that the OP asked for further info. I found two charities advertising for people to sign up to make friendly phone calls to housebound people. I found them on our local volunteering website which lists all sorts of opportunities but is obviously local to where I am. How about googling for more local info for your area?

Sorry that was for Kathmaggie not the OP.

Sallywally1 I love being retired! It’s been a revelation as I was anxious and ‘I was never going to retire 😂’? Worked until 69, toxic NHS culture so happily made the that’s enough decision’! I’m heavily involved with the local theatre, box office, front of house and their gardening team.

Primrose53 💐

I just can’t imagine having a job now. I’ve always liked being free and pleasing myself. But I do have a lazy streak and feel I waste some days doing nothing much. However now summer’s coming I do feel more lively. I have a long “to do” list but usually only tick off the jobs I enjoy like gardening whereas the other jobs just stay on the list. I suppose I lack purpose really even though I’m quite happy.

Kathmaggie - the AgeUK Telephone Befriending scheme is worth looking at. I am an AgeUK volunteer telephone befriender, now on my second client. Seven years ago I was paired with a delightful elderly man living by himself with some ill health. We chatted for about half an hour once a week which suited both of us. He died with cancer after three years and I felt loss - you learn a great deal about someone in that time.

I chose to spend a year without a pairing as I needed to have that break before I volunteered again. I am now in my third year of chatting with my current client. He is now beginning to go downhill with several severe health issues.

They have been completely different experiences and the two have had totally different personalities. It has been such a privilege and has helped me as much as my helping them.

Maybe it’s something that other GNs might research and think about too. Easy to do in an agreed time slot from your own home…

I'm widowed since 2008 and I finished work in 2011. I didn't have a vision of what retirement would be like. I just knew I didn't want my job any more.

I'm lucky that I'm fit and well and I have my hobby which is karate. I'm out teaching it five days a week on a voluntary basis and training on four days. Most of the sessions are late afternoon and evening so I don't vegetate in front of the TV. I spend my evenings kicking, punching and shouting loudly! I also have sewing as a hobby, so that takes up time during the day. If I didn't have karate and sewing it might be a different story because I don't have much of a social life outside of karate training.

Have you tried seated exercise yoga or Pilates these are often shorter sessions too. I’m disabled and do both. I also do singing for well being which is just fun call and response songs . No need to be able to sing .
There is also a seated strength class. Just music and doing what you can from seated position. No fast jerks .
The other things are author talks or coffee mornings at village halls . We have loads of stuff here .

My DH was able to retire at age 50, which is 26 years ago now. I retired a few years after him, and we are still having a wonderful retirement. Lots of travel, great social life, plenty of different activities. Really feel very lucky that we are “living the life.”

It is not what I expected in that I didn’t imagine not having my beloved DH by my side.

He was the chef/owner of a very busy restaurant for thirty years. It was relentless work but he thrived on it whilst I was a stay at home mum for 17 years until our youngest was 7 and I went to work in our restaurant for ten years.

DH retired at 63, I was 52 . We sold the restaurant and our villa which was too big once the children started moving out, and we moved to a more central part of the island.

We enjoyed five years of travelling, mainly to visit our two eldest girls who moved to the US, and becoming grandparents to DGD.

Then cancer scuppered our plans. My poor DH was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer at the age of 68 and died almost exactly a year later.

I was 58 when he died and life has not been the same since. I have had to learn to be comfortable with my own company, do all sorts of things that I took for granted that DH used to do. He looked after us all so well and I miss him so much.

It’s 11 years since he died and it still feels strange but I count my blessings and try to get on with life enjoying my twin grandsons, helping out when needed, and seeing a few good friends.

I never enjoyed working so I don’t miss it and I love having no pressure to do anything I don’t feel like doing.

I am not overly religious but I do have faith without which I would not have coped with the way things have turned out.

This is such a great thread ( although very sad in places )
I’m due to retire next summer ( I’ll be 64 and can’t wait ) so it’s been so interesting reading the replies.

I love it. Never had such a good social life, holiday opportunities and being able to do what I want when I want The only downside is getting older and older and losing the ability to to do so many physical things -plus losing some dear friends. At one stage I had 3 jobs, a main one and 2 extras to help pay for education etc for our children which was so full on I didn’t have time to scratch myself.

I only had a part-time job so didn't actually retire from work. I retired from the life I had. I divorced my husband and started a new life on my own, and it's wonderful.
I enjoyed being a mother but now I have freedom to spend my time as I wish.
I'm lucky not to have major health problems so I can get out walking whenever I wish.
I miss having a car as I'm not comfortable on public transport, but that's the only problem I have really.

was really looking forward to retirement, 4 years ago, was going to do this, that and the other but unfortunately 6 months into retirement i became my sisters carer and so a lot of freedom has been curtailed and have only done a fraction of things i'd hoped to do. don't get me wrong i love my sister but i do think her timing could have been better

Yes, it's great but still the same amount of cooking, cleaning and food shopping to be done!

I know that retirement would not suit me so I still work part-time in a high dementia care home,only three afternoons a week two till eight and I love the job.As long as I can Work I will,only illness would make me give it up…..
Also, I only have the state Pension so this tops that up that, It does annoy me that they put my small amount of wages together with my Pension and tax it but that’s the way it is 🤷‍♀️
I’m 73

Coconut

Tooyoungtobeagrandma …… well done you ! I do feel for everyone who has ties or mobility issues at this age. I lost my mum aged 95 last year, and am now a redundant mum and Nan, so I am doing everything I possibly can, as no one knows what life has in store, plus I already have lost friends and have 2 who are housebound. I travel all the time on singles holidays, or grown up granddaughters, and spend loads of time in Jersey, as son no2 lives there, and just live life to the full with no ties to anything. Am loving retirement and my kids call me Shirley Valentine ! Haven’t met a Greek man yet tho to go sailing with 🤭🤣 but a girl can hope !

Coconut I'll keep my fingers crossed you find a nice Greek man (or any nice man😉). I was more than happy being single and, like you, went on solo holidays and had a wild time (well as wild as someone in their 60's can have 😜). I met my new DH in a bar whilst dancing after consuming sangria 😁 Beither of us were looking gor anything serious yet here we are married, honeymooned in the US and taking as many trips as money and schengen allows whilst we can. I know that Im ok on my own should anything happen him well Im not so sure. Neither of our children are particularly interested in us so we just get on with our lives and make the most of it. Currently sat in the sun, with a coffee catching up on stuff then off for a stroll. As for thisr who miss work, I always thought that I would miss my job but Im still "the boss" just don't have to get up early, drive through rush hour traffic or deal with rude people. I just tell the cat what to do, suggest jobs for the DH and make decisions about the refurb on the holiday home bliss 😊

To all those enjoying your retirements, take my advice and make the most of it, because at our age we don't know what's around the corner. I speak from bitter experience.