Struggling a bit

Fallingstar

I agree that you should qualify for attendance allowance and an OT should help out with mobility aids and adaptations to your existing home, when my DH had a stroke this was done without us having to pay. Do make enquiries. You could be paying for things you could get on the NHS and not applying for extra financial help.
As for your partner, he is helping but of course he isn’t doing jobs the way you would and that is driving you up the wall, would insist again that you need a home help and push for a move to somewhere more suitable. If your partner’s hygiene is not good and he seems to be forgetting things, could he be depressed? I am a full time carer for my DH, and I love him to bits but sometimes being unable to do the things we used to do together can make me feel down and lonely. Certainly having a home help would mean he can take a break and you can rest easy.
All the best with this 💐

while I do get PIP money that is being used for mobility aids.

I've just read that gentleshores receives PIP so I don't think you can receive both that and Attendance Allowance.

PIP is for those under State Pension age and Attendance Allowance for those in receipt of SP. Gentleshores, you should check this out because you could be receiving more help.

If you are struggling can you investigate if there are any LA or HA accessible bungalows you could move to? You need to think of yourself and your future needs.

I agree that you should qualify for attendance allowance and an OT should help out with mobility aids and adaptations to your existing home, when my DH had a stroke this was done without us having to pay. Do make enquiries. You could be paying for things you could get on the NHS and not applying for extra financial help.
As for your partner, he is helping but of course he isn’t doing jobs the way you would and that is driving you up the wall, would insist again that you need a home help and push for a move to somewhere more suitable. If your partner’s hygiene is not good and he seems to be forgetting things, could he be depressed? I am a full time carer for my DH, and I love him to bits but sometimes being unable to do the things we used to do together can make me feel down and lonely. Certainly having a home help would mean he can take a break and you can rest easy.
All the best with this 💐

kittylester

And, get a benefits check to ensure you are getting everything to which you are entitled and use the money for a cleaner and a laundry service.

Yes, surely you should be entitled to Attendance Allowance?

You could use that as you wish, to pay someone privately even if just to do the laundry for you or send it out somewhere.

Do you have Care and Repair in your area? They could come and make adaptations to your home to make it more wheelchair accessible.

If your partner is forgetting the damp washing it does sound as if he needs help too.

Good luck whatever you decide.

A laundry is a good idea. I'm not sure if there is one in our area, but I'll have a look.

Yes I will need to set reminders on phones. The difficulty is he is not used to the laundry routine and doesn't realise how time consuming it can be. I did all our washing for the last 17 years. So he puts it in the machine and turns it on but doesn't have joined up thinking after that. I think he finds it boring and wanders off to do something else and then it never gets finished. I'm not sure we can afford a home help now. We just have our state pensions, and while I do get PIP money that is being used for mobility aids. And yes I should ask for more help with personal care - I haven't asked and he hasn't offered. Just to make it slightly more difficult, his own personal hygiene has gone down the tubes, so I think he thinks it's normal not to have much! I'm lucky if I can persuade him to have a bath once every 3 months! He's got into bad habits. I really do need to live somewhere else. We keep having water problems here as well (spring water supply - it's rural) and I just need something easier and no water issues. But he is very attached to the old crumbling place.

Your needs should trump his wishes or whims.
What is the legal situation with the house? Who owns it?
You need somewhere that meets your needs.
Likewise re careworker and or cleaner.
Can you discuss the whole situation with your GP.
I suggest you post on MN.
They will be a lot more forthright and give you encouraging support.
All the best.

I would find this incredibly frustrating too. I agree if at all possible bringing in a cleaner or the like may help.

Definitely, if you can afford it, send things to the laundry. Even if you only send bedding and towels it will help. Ask if the laundry will do pick ups and drop offs.

Will your husband be able to give you a bed bath?

And, get a benefits check to ensure you are getting everything to which you are entitled and use the money for a cleaner and a laundry service.

It's so frustrating for you, & I'm sure it would help if you could get a house designed or adaptable for someone who uses a wheelchair - a little bit more independence with washing & personal hygiene would help you no end, I think. Can you persuade him to get on with a possible move?
And have social services / occupational health looked at how to optimise the personal hygiene set-up where you are? There may be adaptations you haven't though of.
Ask him if, rather than you "nagging" him, you could share an ipad & put reminders / alarms for taking the washing out etc. But he mayn't like that.
Sorry you're struggling, & well done for appreciating that your partner's doing a lot although not how you would've done it yourself.

If you have any funds, find a nice ,recommended cleaner ASAP

Eye problems are now being triaged and fobbed off. Insist on a doctor.