Bridesmaids

4allweknow

I've stated before I live close to the multiple winner of the international wedding of the year hotel. Half a dozen bridesmaids and groomsmen is not uncommon and seem to be the very least required. Tge groomsmen can be dressed tge same but tge bridesmaids can have the same colour of dress but they must all be different styles. Absolutely ridiculous. Don't mention the brides dress, hardly any front on it, just about a back, and what seems like a 20 foot long veil and train. They are not weddings, they are one upmanship fashion events.

Spot on - and each wedding can cost those attending up to £1,000 to pay for new clothes, attending hen nights etc.

We have had a thread on GN about a daughter insisting her mother should buy a new outfit for a wedding.

I wore an outfit I had worn a couple of times before to my own son's wedding. It was an expensive silk suit. I re-accessorised it.

Between the ages of 3 and 18 I was a bridesmaid 8 times. Mostly to aunts and uncles and once to a cousin. All those weddings had 6-8 bridesmaids and a couple had pageboys. Usually there were 2 or 3 adult bridesmaids and the rest were little ones between 5 and 12 years of age. I see a lot of weddings lately where the bridesmaids are all grown up. My mum was from a big family so there were lots of weddings. I decided I'd had enough of weddings and all that palaver and got married in a register office, just nice day clothes with sister, parents and grandparents present.

I've stated before I live close to the multiple winner of the international wedding of the year hotel. Half a dozen bridesmaids and groomsmen is not uncommon and seem to be the very least required. Tge groomsmen can be dressed tge same but tge bridesmaids can have the same colour of dress but they must all be different styles. Absolutely ridiculous. Don't mention the brides dress, hardly any front on it, just about a back, and what seems like a 20 foot long veil and train. They are not weddings, they are one upmanship fashion events.

I guess a lot of people are influenced by how many demonstrable "likes" they have in the offline world!

Fleur20

When I got married my only bridesmaid/matron of honour was my gran. She was 89. Had been married and widowed twice, but had never been a bridesmaid before. She danced the best man off his feet at the reception... he was 22!!

That was lovely. I’m sure she was the best bridesmaid ever

What's the difference between a 'best woman' or 'bridesman' and a maid of honour?

Yes, I think it has come from US. I remember my cousin over there having several groomsman ( not just 1 best man)50 years ago when it wasn’t a thing here, but have heard of it here in recent years.
I have noticed more bridesmaids over here too.

I think we all make our own choices.
Some have big weddings for other people.
Let's not be too unpleasant about other's choices. Simple/ cheap is good if that's what you want. I did hear a lovely story of a wedding in Covid that cost basically nothing - and as a student my 2 friends were "lifted" off the street to be witnesses to a couple. There was nobody else there. They said it was joyous and life affirming.
Logically a coming together in a marriage is celebratory whatever the service/venue/outfits.

Admittedly it's not something I'd like to be in debt over but some people are happy to live with that decision.

My own personal hostility is to people going abroad and expecting others to use up holiday time and spend extra money on it. I do realise that many have no problem with this.

Yep what a lot of fuss and money. I’ve two boys married third one I still feel hopeful🤔 no big wedding just church and nice hotel cost not too bad. We were married 1977 around fifty at our wedding small reception all done. Celebrating our golden wedding next year🤞and will just have family around and some nice posh nosh! It’s just the way we are we’re not showy the day is about us.

This describes us, too, except reception was held at the racecourse and not in a hotel, and our 3rd son seems happily unmarried.

Magenta8 that is my experience as well.. The best and most joyous weddings I have been to, have been ones done on a budget or in the face of adversity.

Harris27

Yep what a lot of fuss and money. I’ve two boys married third one I still feel hopeful🤔 no big wedding just church and nice hotel cost not too bad. We were married 1977 around fifty at our wedding small reception all done. Celebrating our golden wedding next year🤞and will just have family around and some nice posh nosh! It’s just the way we are we’re not showy the day is about us.

That sounds exactly like us! Even fifty years married next year!

Yep what a lot of fuss and money. I’ve two boys married third one I still feel hopeful🤔 no big wedding just church and nice hotel cost not too bad. We were married 1977 around fifty at our wedding small reception all done. Celebrating our golden wedding next year🤞and will just have family around and some nice posh nosh! It’s just the way we are we’re not showy the day is about us.

That’s really lovely Fleur.

My personal observation of the people I know is hardly representative but it seems that, the bigger the fuss, the shorter the marriage. My BF's DD had a huge engagement party, two big hen do's, two ceremonies, loads of bridesmaids, a lavish reception, and an expensive honeymoon. The marriage didn't even make it to the paper anniversary.

Conversely, I have been to several weddings that have been registry office, no bridesmaids, just witnesses, then down the pub and back to work on Monday. The marriages are still going strong after several decades.

madeleine45 - whilst I agree largely that many marriage ceremonies seem to be about the wedding rather than the marriage it's rather harsh to say have nothing to show for it in a lasting way when, just like you, with their different choices, they will still have memories of that day.

We don't all make the same choices (thank goodness) - and whilst a house deposit is an investment in the future - some people feel that of a mad over the top day to remember.

My husband was reprimand by his mother for spending a "ridiculous sum" on my engagement ring when he could have invested it or used it as a deposit.
We were married as students. How long would we have waited for a house?
We moved about 10 times in our first 6 years together. The ring came with us...

At my own wedding I had my youngest sister as a very cute bridesmaid. She was 20 years younger than me, only 2, so she looked very lovely in a long red velvet dress with a little white ruff at the neck, rather like a choirgirl, made by my mother. She had a ball of lovely narcissus on a ribbon that went over her wrist and smelt beautiful. (I chose that as it was simple for her to carry and was a precious reminder of my beloved granny) She behaved very well, and was actually the best dressed , as the weather had been lovely and daffodils out in the gardens etc, Then on the day it snowed, and the lightweight outfits of the guests were abandoned for warmer outfits and coats etc.

Naturally as a yorkshire woman, and someone who was determined to have what I want but not spend a fortune, I managed to find a wedding dress that suited me that I liked in a sale, and a very happy day was had by all. No upsets or incidents on the day, just the families joining together. Even if I had won the pools , I wouldnt have spent a fortune on an outfit. Our money was saved towards getting a house, and we bought good quality second hand furniture, the odd piece I still have today! I have a book which contains pressed flowers from my wedding added to by other flowers from important occasions in my life. Not worth money but a priceless reminder of lovely days in my past.

Each to their own of course, but I dont understand the attitude today, which seems so much about show and spending money on the - to me - wrong things. Many people these days are getting married after living together for some time, possibly having children already etc. They either spend a fortune on the actual day, or go in for marrying abroad and spending a great deal on the travelling etc., yet not seeming to consider the possibilities of marrying under a different system of law to their own home country etc. The thought of the amount of debt or worry that this all causes would definitely take the edge off the wedding day for me and seems to give extra possibilities of extra things to go wrong.

A lovely wedding I went to in Germany many years ago , was I think Luthern. There ,the bride and groom arrived together in the same car surrounded by beautiful flowers. At the church there was the wooden, arched, gateway and all the members of both families lined up from the gate to the church door. The symbolism was lovely, as each family lined either side of the path. Then as the bridal couple walked through the lines , the families joined in behind them so that father of the bride walked in with mother of the groom, mother of the bride with the father of the groom etc. Then everyone walked into the church and there was no separate sides for the two families but the joined together groups sat mingled together. I thought that was lovely and so much nicer than the separate way of congregations in weddings here. Ah well as they say "Nowt so queer as folk" but it would be a major worry and poor start to married life together to owe thousands of pounds and have nothing to show for it in a lasting way, in my view.

Perhaps some brides find it hard to choose just a few bridesmaids, especially if they and their husband-to-be have sisters and cousins. Who do you choose and who do you leave out?
My eldest GD gets married next May and she has her only sister and her 3 closest friends as bridesmaids.

When I got married my only bridesmaid/matron of honour was my gran. She was 89. Had been married and widowed twice, but had never been a bridesmaid before. She danced the best man off his feet at the reception... he was 22!!

When I got married I had just 2 bridesmaids who were close friends.

I have 5 female cousins and wouldn't have picked one or two without the others, but I just didn't want all 5, due to the expense of it, so it was fairer not to have any of them.

I think weddings here have been taken to a ridiculous level. We have seen weddings in Germany and France which were lovely because of their simplicity and traditions.

We are Europe but always seem to follow what USA does, I have no idea why and regret that we do.

Here in Germany they usually have only the Trauzeugen, best friend each of the bride and groom, who witness their signatures. They often take over the organisation and generally help out. Then there may be a couple of small "flower children" who follow them into church and strew petals.

My eldest DS had a Catholic wedding with communion and all the trimmings and because he and his wife were well-known and well-loved in the parish, 25(!) altar boys and girls turned up!!

Simple Registry office wedding, nearly 60 years ago. no bridesmaids no person of honour, no theme or colour scheme, no speeches, no meal out.
Instead we had sandwiches and sausage rolls in parents back garden with about 20 guests, many were friends of my mum.
Still married.

Two bridesmaids at our wedding my sister and his sister.
Traditional that the bestmaid ( the one who signs as witness) is godmother to the first child and the other bridesmaid godmother to the next..first one was fine ,second one my SIL didn,t make it to the church and spent the whole service driving round the town because she couldn,t remember what the church was called.
Our 10 year old daughter was Co opted by the minister as godmother.We were really pleased as she adored him from the day he was born …still does

I had two.
Didn't want any but gave in under parental pressure. Arranged with my two closest friends just 4 days before the wedding. They tried on every evening gown in the shop that there were two of and luckily this one style suited both of them. My mother altered them to fit perfectly.

They did look lovely though. One in dove grey one in a pale green. Same chiffon dresses... it was unusual to have different colours in those days.
Maybe it still is.

I didn't have any bridesmaids, just a 'best woman'