Patronising or what!?

I think I put a similar incident on here a few months ago. I was with DD as she was going to drive me home after a cataract op. I asked the eye unit receptionist the way to the hospital pharmacy to collect the eye drops. The receptionist didn't answer me, she explained the way to DD. I said nothing, but later told DD I was enraged. DD didn't seem to get why it annoyed me, which enraged me some more.
If, or when, it happens again I will say something, in as nice a way as I can manage.

dragonfly46

I had a friend who used to help old ladies across the road. She helped one lady across only to be told that she hadn’t wanted to cross and now she had missed her bus.

Sitting in my first floor office many years ago I was watching a man with a long white cane trying to cross the road. Several people slowed down for him but he stayed put in the pavement.
After a long time I could bear it no longer and went out to help him. It was a man who had bought a white plastic curtain pole!

Margs

I've been talked to a couple of times - by GP's Receptionists - as Slowly and Carefully as possible as if I'm deaf and daft. I wonder if I must look like the little old lady, Mrs Wilberforce, in the film The Ladykillers?

I liked Mrs Wilberforce. A very clever lady as we discovered in the end.

My late DF was a wheelchair user. Had been from teenage years. She was a paraplegic.
She won the team Gold Olympic Medal in her 20's. And very clever and resourceful. Worked full time as a social worker.
She declined in her 70's due to cancer. But very much on the ball
In many shops staff would direct questions to me.....I would say 'Oh please, do ask her'.
It annoyed me because they were diminishing her and she would shrink a bit every time.
I know it is done with the intention of being helpful. But they should make the effort to direct the question, to the elderly or disabled person first.
Better.training for staff is needed.

When I do my shopping at the local shop the girl always says look after yourself as I'm leaving.

Esmay

A shop failed to delivered my order three times.
On my last visit ;
the assistant spoke very loudly and said ,SHALL I WRITE IT DOWN FOR YOU ?
To which,I replied ,no thank you ,but make sure that your company understand basic English and a very simple request .

I think I'd have been tempted to reply something along the lines of ' Yes, please. Write it down as that might help you to make sure I get my delivery this time'

I had one of those tablets when I changed bank accounts, I expected the assistant to fill it on for me, asked him to help, no you have to do it yourself. Third attempt I got it correct.

I always accept help, is it just a female thing to object to help offered.

David49

I had one of those tablets when I changed bank accounts, I expected the assistant to fill it on for me, asked him to help, no you have to do it yourself. Third attempt I got it correct.

I always accept help, is it just a female thing to object to help offered.

To turn that around:
Is it only women who are patronised I wonder? Are men assumed to be au fait with technology when in fact both men and women are probably as competent as each other?

Chestnut

I know it's annoying but we have to remember they mean well and are probably just trying to help. Some older people don't have a clue with tech so maybe they've just had to assist someone like that.

Honestly, I can't remember how I spoke to older people when I was younger, but we didn't have phones and tablets back then so we didn't need to help anyone with that, only maybe filling in forms.

I feel like that too mostly. I would rather find kindness, even if a bit patronising. I just sort of say with a grin thank you I'm OK with doing this myself...I'm quite techie but need you to speak slowly thank you.

You never know who might really, really need it. A nd be lonely, and like the extra attention.

That interesting, David ......my experience is some men find it that bit harder to accept help.... so maybe they are not offered it as often?

Just well done you for making it clear that help would have been appreciated as maybe lots of men really do need that help.

I do agree of course very much in addressing the person involved not the carer or frond or rellie!!!

I am now partially sighted and my eyesight is getting worse. I can't fill in forms and I even have problems now signing a form when I have to write within a box. Last week when trying to fill in a form and I asked for help The person thought I was illiterate. Not quite yet.

It was tongue in cheek I really dont get offended if offered help, My wife matronizes me all the time maybe Im conditioned to go with the flow 🙂

Romola

I think I put a similar incident on here a few months ago. I was with DD as she was going to drive me home after a cataract op. I asked the eye unit receptionist the way to the hospital pharmacy to collect the eye drops. The receptionist didn't answer me, she explained the way to DD. I said nothing, but later told DD I was enraged. DD didn't seem to get why it annoyed me, which enraged me some more.
If, or when, it happens again I will say something, in as nice a way as I can manage.

She presumably assumed that your eyesight was temporarily impaired?

dragonfly46

I had a friend who used to help old ladies across the road. She helped one lady across only to be told that she hadn’t wanted to cross and now she had missed her bus.

😂

David49

It was tongue in cheek I really dont get offended if offered help, My wife matronizes me all the time maybe Im conditioned to go with the flow 🙂

I like what you did there😁

I always accept help, is it just a female thing to object to help offered.

I don't object to help offered - I do object to the assumption that I cannot do something before help is needed or asked for! - especially when it is something simple that is part of all out daily lives.

I ordered some jeans, they arrived and unfurled and unfurled from the packaging, I’m not short but these jeans would have fit a woman 6 ft 2😂
Telling a young co-worker about it she said ‘You probably muddled up the leg length sizing when you ordered’ it was said sympathetically but the implication was that because to her I’m as old as Methuselah it must be my fault and not the Company.😆😲

Who on earth did that teabagwoman?

Some younger people have led of a clue too! 😂 plus cannot barely read & write

I am a technological nincompoop, so any offers of help in that department are gratefully accepted. But then, frequently I find tht when one asks for help, one is told "we are not allowed to do it due to data protection". Grrr...

I was recently a hospital inpatient. During ward round, the docs would mutter at the bottom of my bed. Now, I can hear a pin drop a mile away, so told consultant et al that it was my body that was disintegrating, not my brain! That gave them a jolt! Congratulated by the ward sister afterwards!!

The thing is,its the few who are'nt very techy that makes others think we are all the same, my ex mother-in-law openly says "oh i wouldnt know how to go about all that" (how does she know if shes never tried?) and my ex- father-in-law has only just got a mobile phone(just a basic not a smart phone)they just dont see theyre being left behind in the modern world.Im not greatly techy but can do most things for daily life.

Romola

I think I put a similar incident on here a few months ago. I was with DD as she was going to drive me home after a cataract op. I asked the eye unit receptionist the way to the hospital pharmacy to collect the eye drops. The receptionist didn't answer me, she explained the way to DD. I said nothing, but later told DD I was enraged. DD didn't seem to get why it annoyed me, which enraged me some more.
If, or when, it happens again I will say something, in as nice a way as I can manage.

You don't think that she simply thought you couldn't see the way? After my cateracts were done there was no way I could find my way anywhere, that is why they ask for somebody to come and pick you up.

A few years back when about 70 I was on the tube back from a plant show carrying some convoluted plant supports.

Several young people jumped up to give me their seats thinking it was some sort of walking aid. I was very impressed, but did say I was fine. I know this isnt the same as being patronised as the OP was explaining. But I was impressed by their trying to help and actuslly being aware of other people.

I haven't yet been patronised...but there's time. I have been asked can I remember my mobile phone number by a young office person. They could have just said. "What is your mob phone number?* I was pleased I could! I suppose thst was s bit patronising. I suppose we must politely call it out everytime.

I should have said " yes thanks can you remember yours" with a smile. Too late now. But I must remember that for next time.