Gransnet forums


Memorial service open to public followed by more private gathering

(9 Posts)
Nanamar Sat 06-Mar-21 02:22:25

When someone passes away, typically, there are calling hours at a funeral home, then a funeral - both are open to the public. A repast is often held after the funeral and, although all attendees of the funeral are usually invited by the funeral director on behalf of the family, often only some attendees actually come to the repast. My question is how to handle logistics when there will be no calling hours or funeral. Instead, at some point after the deceased is cremated and services are restricted to immediate family, there will be a memorial service. Since the deceased is a fairly well known community member, it would seem appropriate to “open” the memorial service to the public but we’d like the repast to be more intimate - family and very close friends. How do we handle that?

Oopsadaisy1 Sat 06-Mar-21 07:12:33

I didn’t want to just read and run. But it’s a tricky one isn’t it?
A lot of people will want to go and have a drink with the family after a Memorial Service, whether they know them or not ( not being unkind, but where there is likely to be free food, there will be people) and it’s trying to keep them away that will be the problem.
Unless you go and have the food and drink later in the day, Memorial service at 10 am, then meet up with family and friends, by invite only, to afternoon tea at 4pm.
I think if the attendees at the Memorial service see everyone drifting away to their cars with no mention of food and drink, they will assume that they need to go home too or take themselves off in groups themselves to toast the deceased, otherwise they are likely to just follow you.

nanna8 Sat 06-Mar-21 07:20:59

Just write ‘family only’ for that part of the service. I have come across this a number of times. You can ‘word up’ close friends that they can come, too. It is quite normal for this to happen here.

J52 Sat 06-Mar-21 07:45:59

At my father’s memorial service and internment in the family plot, sometime after his cremation, the church was packed. Only family were invited to the internment in the churchyard.
I don’t think any of congregation expected to be invited to the repast.

Esspee Sat 06-Mar-21 08:49:38

Is this in a Covid free country?

Iam64 Sat 06-Mar-21 09:00:46

Zoom has been used for the funerals I know of in recent months

Hetty58 Sat 06-Mar-21 09:19:03

It's illegal to organise a gathering right now. Why not adapt to the present situation, abandon traditions - and stick to the rules - please!

Oopsadaisy1 Sat 06-Mar-21 10:21:45

The OP wants to have a Memorial Service ‘when it is safe’.

Nanamar Sat 06-Mar-21 13:28:15

Yes absolutely no gathering now!! Covid restrictions are the reason behind the delay of the memorial service just as Oopsadaisy mentioned.