Husband jealous of my time with our Grandson

You don't sound harsh. Your husband is interfering in your rightful enjoyment of your grandson. I would have a calm conversation with him, your husband, and tell him in no uncertain terms exactly what I never want to hear from him again.
One can have physical or mental ailments but that is not a get out of jail free card to be rude and unpleasant.
I remember my grandson's childhood with nothing but pleasure, he was , and still is, an absolute delight. That his grandfather hardly spent a minute with him I could never understand, except he was the same with his own children.

Gwan1 Was your husband like this prior to him having a stroke or has he always been like this ? I would find it so upsetting if my late husband did not interact with our grandchildren he was always the main instigator as to what we would be doing when the boys where little... from walking in Wales to football & camping for the week-end ,I find it strange that your husband does not enjoy the company of your DGS specially at the age he is its a great age for boys.

He sounds like a glass half empty person. Horrible for him, if he’s unable to do what he wants with his grandson, but he should keep his thoughts to himself, it’s not your fault.

I’m sure there are a lot of things he could share with his grandson despite his disability.

A different situation, but I remember a past 'significant other' being nasty to my grandson - who lived with me at the time.

I had to have that conversation with him - where I reminded him that he was on very dodgy ground indeed, if he wanted to spend any time in my house.

I accused him of being jealous. He replied he was just 'protecting' me from an overdemanding and impolite child (my grandson wasn't) - oh, and teaching him how to behave. I still think he was jealous.

I knew that he was equally horrid to his own sons - and was just repeating patterns from his childhood, without ever considering the consequences of his attitude and behaviour.

My strict 'rules' were that I was in charge, I would do the 'teaching', I didn't need protecting - and he was to stay well in the background and refer any criticisms to me.

The result (and only way he could deal with it) was that he largely ignored my grandson and hardly spoke to him - which suited all of us. I made sure that he wasn't here so much, too.

Thank you all for replying. He was always quite selfish before his stroke Just makes me sad,however he speaks so fondly of him to others but that's not good enough.

There is nothing harsh about your thread. I know precisely what you mean because i picked up on an irritability from my hubby too when i used to have my 2 older GC, in fa t he actually asked me if i could look after them at my daughters instead of our house ! ( its my 2nd marriage so my daughter and grandchildren were not his own )

After voicing my opinion to his suggestion ( which i won't display here on GN hahahaha ) i can honestly say that it hurt and i saw it as a follow on from when my own children were young.

Gwan1 it cuts to the core. X

Glammanana your husband sounds like he was a lovely man.
My husband (not the children’s father - we were both widowed) had very little input when his daughter was growing up and although he loves them he leaves looking after his grandchildren to me (they live a fair distance so don’t visit often).
I look after my son’s 4 year old and 1 year old twins three days a week. He has little to do with them but is always nice to them when he sees them.
He does wish I’d spend more time with him so I do try to on my child free days - sadly he has dementia so I always make sure his care needs are met but - my grandkids do come first.

My husband really didn't do children and babies at all, including our own. He preferred them when they were older. When he became ill he found them even harder. Sadly if he was still here he would have great fun with our oldest grandson who is now 15 and deeply into computers and also the youngest one who is only 8 but a whiz with a keyboard.

I've seen plenty of this kind of attitude from friends partners/husbands.

Maybe it is partly frustration if his stroke stops him doing things with your grandchild

i had the same problem with my partner, he rarely saw his grandchildren, even though they stayed in the same area but i wanted to go out for a few hours and see my son and grandchild, he was told to like it or lump it and not to mention it again. i know it is not the same but we were together for 18 years but decided early on to keep our own houses, he was invited to all the family gatherings but would just sit there and not talk to anyone, we were both widowed and i made it clear i was not giving up my family because he got into a mood about me seeing them, i spent more time with his daughter and her kids, he died last year and i miss him but it is my family that has got me through it. i think it is so important to make time and have memories of your children and grandchildren. dont let him ruin your time with your GS, he is the one who is missing out.

What these men don’t realise is that this type of selfish behaviour just eventually erodes any love that you have for them. Logic asks, how can anyone be jealous of a child. I told my 2nd husband that if he ever put me in a position of having to choose between him and my 3 children, he’d be gone, purely for putting me in that position...... I divorced him for that and other reasons ! When someone can see how much pleasure their partner gets from a child/grandchild .... why can’t they just be happy for you .... if you don’t want to join in, find something else to do, your wife is not your exclusive property. Show some respect, the world does not revolve around you .....

My ex husband and my children’s father is great with his grandchildren. He doesn’t spend as much time with them as I do or have them to stay as I do but is interested and reasonably involved when he does see them. How he’d have been if we were still together,I don’t know; he was a demanding man! I think it is totally unreasonable of your husband to be jealous; he is a LITTLE BOY after all and his own flesh and blood! He should be glad you find happiness. A stroke is an awful thing (my mum had one) but should not dim your kindness to your life partner. Just suggestions now in a difficult situation: have a talk with him and tell him how much it hurts you. Try to involve him however much he can be with your grandson and your activities together. If he won’t, make it clear that he is being ridiculously selfish and missing out on such joy! As a side note, I was once involved with a man who was quite possessive and rather resentful of my involvement with my children and grandchildren. Thank heavens we didn’t get married as he wanted to or live together! He didn’t last long as I can’t be doing with that at my age!

Isn't it funny how you can love a man for years, then you start looking after a grandchild only to find your husband is irritated/childish/jealous/resentful about you doing it and you start to feel very differently about that man? I say "funny" but it really isn't and I found it quite difficult to handle.
I had to have a serious conversation with my usually lovely husband about how his attitude affected my feelings for him and we found a way forward. One of the things that came out of that talk was that he found the burden of responsibility for someone else's child quite stressful and I have found that as the children have got older and aren't actively trying to kill themselves by eating things they shouldn't or electrocuting themselves by trying to stick things in sockets, he has become more relaxed. To a certain extent understanding DH's stress helped me reframe some of his attitude in my mind and we gradually came to an understanding about how we would handle things.
I do think that often men see their children leaving home as the end of their child caring responsibility whilst many women can't wait to look after their grandchildren.

Oh thats so sad, grandchildren can give so much pleasure. My poor husband has Leukaemia and is immunosuppressed but he always says he needs to spend time with our granddaughter, he loves her so much so unless she is poorly she spends as much time with us as possible.
He is always playing games with her, she teaches him what she has done in her drama classes and ballet classes. Yesterday I found him on the floor with a blanket over him playing Sleeping Bunnies. - they are so funny together.
Its me who should be jealous ? but I am not, its such a childish attitude.

My husband left before our 2 daughter's married. Thankfully he has never seen my Grandson and only seen 2 of my granddaughter's once. My youngest granddaughter only realised a year age that she had a Grandfather. She was 11 then. He started working away from home when his daughters were little, he couldn't cope with the attention they needed when they were born so had nothing to do with his Grandchildren Thank goodness.

Soniah

Maybe it is partly frustration if his stroke stops him doing things with your grandchild

Agree. Frustration at his limitations, and possibly depressed by them also.

Gwan1

I don't think you are being harsh, just honest.

Maybe time for a gentle conversation with him, without being accusatory in any way?

You have every right to spend time with your grandson and if you are giving him (OH) the time and attention he needs after a stroke, and let him know that you 'understand' but, at the same time, remind him that your grandson needs a relationship with his grandparents - and that includes him - all done in the kindest possible way maybe that will help him to see things in a different light?

He's obviously proud of his grandson if he speaks fondly of him to others, so that's a good start.

Don't change the time you spend with your grandson it won't be long before he wants to go out with his friends instead of being with you, and you will never be able to get that time back
Tell your husband to just deal with it and stop being so selfish, he has you for the rest of the time.

He sounds a right spoiled brat! Hasn't he had you exclusively long enough? Your time with darling GS is so precious and I'd tell selfish hubby to back off! You're not being in the slightest too harsh, he's pathetic by sounds . jealous? Ugh.......

Well, I do think it's worth remembering that a stroke can change a person quite significantly.
Perhaps he has lost the ability to filter the things he says, even if he previously managed to.

Why is it that we have to pussy foot around telling other halves the cold hard truth? Are they so fragile? Do they pussyfoot about when they're being total backsides? No. So spare the tongue lashing , spoil any chance of being in a balanced fair partnership!

You enjoy your time with your grandson and let your husband sit and sulk. You go and make wonderful memories with your grandson, your husband will be the one losing out with his selfish ways.

Mummer

He sounds a right spoiled brat! Hasn't he had you exclusively long enough? Your time with darling GS is so precious and I'd tell selfish hubby to back off! You're not being in the slightest too harsh, he's pathetic by sounds . jealous? Ugh.......

"Stroke impacts the brain, and the brain controls our behavior and emotions. You or your loved one may experience feelings of irritability, forgetfulness, carelessness or confusion. Feelings of anger, anxiety or depression are also common. The good news is many disabilities resulting from stroke tend to improve over time." (from the SROKE ASSOCIATION)

Doubt you'll be swayed by this - but maybe it's about more than him simply being a "spoiled brat"?

I may have a slightly different view point, depending on how you were in your younger lives.

If it were me, I would definitely take his feelings on board, because of the life I’ve had. So...I was a stay at home mum, who didn’t miss one minute of anything my children did. I was with them all the time until nursery/ school etc.

My husband worked, and sometimes went away. We had great family times.

Now I’m a grandparent to eight. I love them all dearly, but wouldn’t put them before my husband, unless it was some kind of emergency.

On the other hand, you may have to have worked, and not been able to spend the time you wanted with your children, so are now taking the chance to do it through a grandchild, which is understandable.

All I can say is, try to talk it through with your husband. Many people say time with grandchildren is precious....and it is, but in my opinion, not at the expense of each other.

All the best.