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Husband, old before his time!!

(62 Posts)
Tets68 Sat 25-Jun-22 19:31:50

I have just joined this website. I am not a gran, but I am over 50, mhh th husband is too but blimey what an old man he has become!!
He doesn’t want to go out, works from home, runs and walks, but only locally. It is such a struggle to get him to eat out, drink at the pub etc. I have resorted to going out with girlfriends most of the time, he is happy for me to do this.
Is this what happens to Men in their 50’s?
He has turned into his elderly Father!!

kittylester Sat 25-Jun-22 19:48:55

Can't comment. Dh is currently watching High Flying Birds from Glastonbury and exchanging comments with DGS3 On WhTsapp!

grumppa Sat 25-Jun-22 20:32:32

Didn't happen to this one!

Deedaa Sat 25-Jun-22 20:38:20

Mine was never very sociable at the best of times (except for his car club and his shooting clubs. All things that were mind numbingly boring) As he got older he stopped going out all together if he wasn't at work and I used to either go out with friends or my daughter.

Chrissielou Sat 25-Jun-22 20:38:22

No, thankfully! We're watching Glastonbury too smile, we refuse to be old before our time!

StarDreamer Sat 25-Jun-22 20:38:38

You say he runs.

Kate1949 Sat 25-Jun-22 21:20:33

Mine is 76. We'll be watching recorded Glastonbury (Macca) when we get back from the pub!

Ali08 Sun 26-Jun-22 04:49:53


It's the opposite in my household. He's the sociable one, while I'm happy indoors!

CornflowerBlue Sun 26-Jun-22 05:56:30

Tets68 - mine too. Yes, he sat and watched Macca at Glastonbury last night, but otherwise, he'd rarely go out or go on holiday without some persuasion, he's not keen on visitors, and he's generally happy watching TV, doing crosswords and having naps!! I find it very frustrating, to the point that I told him that as we could live another 20 or 30 years, that's a long time hanging around the house, just twiddling your thumbs waiting for the inevitable! Life's too short! So I now even go on holiday alone sometimes, because even if I persuade him to come with me, which he does sometimes, he invariably wants to sit around at the cottage a lot of the time, and I'm a person who likes to explore and be amongst nature. I love him to bits, but I do sometimes think he's old before his time!

M0nica Sun 26-Jun-22 09:30:09

We are in our late 70s and prefer classical music to Glastonbury. Even in the 1960s, pop music was something you listened to on the radio.

Anyway, last night DH was 30 miles away as Music Director for an Opera group he belongs to, still works, and until 2 years regularly travelled round Europe on business.

At home, he is pottering round the house all the time, doing small DIY jobs, he has had to reduce his imput since his heart attack. We enjoy sight seeing holidays and regularly travelling abroad.

I think the OP is unfortunate in her DH's behaviour. Is he depressed?

MawtheMerrier Sun 26-Jun-22 09:34:44

Has he actually changed?
Some men are not as sociable as their wives, and perhaps in their younger years make more of an effort while secretly wishing they were at home with the TV or a good book! If he works from home he is possibly also missing out on the social networks office life offers.

timetogo2016 Sun 26-Jun-22 09:36:12

Same here Ali08.
I actually enjoy being on my own when he pops tohis local on a Friday night.

dragonfly46 Sun 26-Jun-22 09:39:54

No mine at 79 will do anything although he struggles to walk a long way.
He was up til 1am watching Paul McCartney last night!

Esspee Sun 26-Jun-22 09:54:07

My OH has been good for me in that he always has to be doing something. Right now we are waiting for the RSPB site at Bridge of Garten to open so we can view the Ospreys. Have come from Glasgow this morning and already had a brisk walk through a forest. He is 76, going on 16.

Harris27 Sun 26-Jun-22 10:04:09

No Glastonbury happy kids too! Hubby loves footy and heavy rock! Me I love Ed sheeran and gin! Went to his concert with my son two weeks ago. Hubby just talking to son about Glastonbury and I’m loving Paul McCartney!

Granny23 Sun 26-Jun-22 10:23:16

Lucky you Espee Boat of Garten is one of my favourite places on Earth. I am the lucky one as I have cousins who live there, so from childhood I have visited at least once or twice a year. Sister and I will be going there in the autumn.

MawtheMerrier Sun 26-Jun-22 10:28:11

Does it help OP who is worried about her husband “growing like his Dad” , if we tell her how ours (well not mine obviously ) are still bopping at 2 am?
We are all different - OP’s husband runs and walks (although I can’t see what is wrong with “locally) and isn’t the pubbing type. Not all men are or do just as not all men enjoy football , although some watch cricket or rugby, live or on TV.
Mine loved classical music, opera, ballet and the theatre from his teens and wouldn’t have been seen dead at Glastonbury . Did that make him “old before his time” ?
I just wish we could get away from stereotypes. If OP wants to go out with her girlfriends and he is happy for her to do so , why question it?
I just wonder why she hasn’t noticed this preference before.

luluaugust Sun 26-Jun-22 10:41:31

I think modern life leads us to think everybody is out and about all the time doing exciting things but I am not sure this is true. Your DH takes himself running and working from home is pretty isolating so he is not going to have friends to go to the pub with. Loads of men loath sport but can't admit to it. Eating out a lot is something people either love or find a bit of a chore, strange food etc. Do you have friends visiting? I see from a survey that has been done recently that men have far fewer if any friends than women do. My DH knocking 80 has his railway club and chats away to people he has met there, I wouldn't say they are close friends though. We also rocked the night away with Glastonbury

maddyone Sun 26-Jun-22 10:44:11

Like Monica my husband wouldn’t be seen dead at Glastonbury either. For that matter, neither would I! Last night we went out to a Spanish restaurant for tapas with our son and his wife. That was after DH spent all day building a lovely new trellis to top part of our garden wall which has just been rebuilt. He spends as much time outside in our garden or our son’s garden as he can. Indoors he loves classical music and pre Covid we used to go to theatres and classical concerts regularly. We need to get back to doing that I think.

The OP is in a difficult position. Maybe she could suggest walks they could do together, near home or further afield. Also she could suggest concerts, musicals, films that they could go to together. Book a table and go out to eat at local restaurants. Or just watch television together, we watch a lot of iPlayer television together. But she should continue to make arrangements to see her friends regularly, don’t give up on that whatever happens. Good luck.

Katie59 Sun 26-Jun-22 10:55:17

My partner is 73 he was watching Glastonbury until after 1 am, he would have been there if he could have got tickets. He’s always keen to get out, last weekend it was the Rugby final, we’re both big fans.
No complaints he’s very outgoing and prefers me alongside him, that suits his family too, they know I’ll keep him out of trouble!.

Saggi Sun 26-Jun-22 10:55:39

My husband had stroke at 50…. since then it’s wall to wall tv …no socialising…. no trips ….!no holidays no lunch out…. no walking up road togetheras he refuses to be seen as ‘less than perfect’ . His work/ Play/ life and wife disappeared to be replaced with tv/tv/nurse/doctor/ housekeeper! All these roles fulfilled by me…..that’s 26 years now. Talking to the wrong person here!
All I can say is ditch the miserable git before its too late.

ExDancer Sun 26-Jun-22 11:07:29

You don't say if he's always had a tenancy to be like this? I should have noticed the signs were there when we first married, because mine is just the same.
At first I thought it was lovely to have a man who was happy and contented at home with me and the children. I was mistaken, he's also old before his time.
I make my own entertainment with friends and have noticed that many more women are in the same situation, they just don't like admitting it.
Its no reason to dump him! Why would you? Do you want to replace him? Don't you even like him any more?

Cabbie21 Sun 26-Jun-22 11:18:49

OP, do you think lockdown made a difference?
I am a year older than DH, but he seems ten years older than me. He doesn't walk anywhere, doesn't want to go anywhere, only leaves the house twice a week, once to local shops and once to church. He spends the bulk of the day in his study, then the evening in his armchair, and keeps dropping off in front of the TV. Good job I have my own interests and places to go.

pandapatch Sun 26-Jun-22 11:32:04

Mine is hardly ever in the house!! Since he retired he has got very involved in archeology and is often out at a dig. Also on committee at local museum and U3A. If he is at home he is usually in the garden. He has never been one to sit around and still isn't!!

winterwhite Sun 26-Jun-22 11:39:17

Another one who thinks that Glastonbury is beside the point. My DH (80) has changed noticeably since lockdown, got so used to staying in that he doesn't want to go out. Worse has become nervous about driving. Every roundabout is now 'tricky', as are all lane markings.
Worst of all is everyday clothes. He will not shop for new ones. If I nag persuade him to buy a pair of chinos online they are deemed too long or too short or too something else and never worn, and he lives in a pair of dilapidated old corduroys.
He's never understood the concept of retirement and wouldn't dream of going out for pleasure on a weekday. So we sit in our separate studies all day and work away fairly productively. Luckily that suits me too. I just wish he didn't look such a tramp when people call unexpectedly.