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I need a kick up the pants today....

(51 Posts)
Luckygirl3 Wed 29-Jun-22 12:35:03

.........just a weepy heap. Something triggered some awful memories of some of the dreadful things that happened in my OH's last few years when his Parkinsons made him paranoid and a danger to live with really - bang ..... it all comes flooding back. Will the memories ever go asway I wonder?

Nanna58 Wed 29-Jun-22 12:39:21

I don’t know if they’will Luckygirl13 but I didn’t want to just scroll by. Much love to you 💐

Joane123 Wed 29-Jun-22 12:41:05

For you Luckygirl flowers

Grannybags Wed 29-Jun-22 12:43:29

Sorry you are having a bad day Luckygirl

I followed your journey through all the trials with your husband, both emotional and financial. You dealt with so much with strength and a sense of humour

When the memories come whooshing back I think we just have to go with them and wait for them to pass

Sending you good wishes flowers

ElaineI Wed 29-Jun-22 12:45:51

flowers

Namsnanny Wed 29-Jun-22 12:46:10

Can you let it all flow for a day or two?
You're not at fault to feel like this, or to want the misery to stop.
But it has a life of it's own, if you can understand me.
Do what ever you have to do to get through it, and see if tomorrow brings some small relief.flowers

sodapop Wed 29-Jun-22 12:46:43

I'm sorry you are having a difficult day Luckygirl I think the memories remain it just gets easier to deal with them as time goes by. thanks

Curlywhirly Wed 29-Jun-22 12:49:08

So sorry to hear you are struggling today Luckygirl3. It's awful when something triggers traumatic times - some memories are awful and we try to block them out, but sometimes they can just catch us unawares. I do think though that as time goes by (and it can take years) those memories do fade a little (although I think childhood traumas can stay with us for ever). Is there anyone you can speak to? I have a few very close friends that I can offload any worries to and they always make me feel better.

Sar53 Wed 29-Jun-22 12:51:15

Big hugs and lots of love xxx

grandtanteJE65 Wed 29-Jun-22 12:53:44

No, Luckygirl, you do not need a kick up the pants!

You have had a desperately hard time of it in the last period of your husband's life and feeling weepy and having horrible memories flooding back is part of the process of getting over your grief.

One or two days sitting moping are more likely to do good than harm.

If you really feel you MUST do something - try tackling a task in the house or garden that you normally put off because you dislike doing it.

My reasoning for doing this is, that I am feeling miserable anyhow, so weeding garden paths can't make me feel worse, and looking at the finished result will make me feel just a little tiny bit better.

It doesn't have to be paths - turning out cupboards is just as boring and just as satisfied when you can sit down afterwards with a glow of satisfaction over a task well done.

SueDonim Wed 29-Jun-22 13:42:03

I’m sorry, Luckygirl. flowers There’ll be no kicking from me, just a gentle stroke of your hair, or a pat on your arm or a hug. Or a cup of tea, if you’d prefer that. brew I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. X

Farzanah Wed 29-Jun-22 13:48:28

You need a big hug Luckygirl. It’s a kind of post traumatic stress I guess which your brain triggers from time to time. Just be kind to yourself and no kicking. I think it does ease as time goes on but the best medicine is unburdening to a close friend who understands, and the many friends of course you have on here.

Parsley3 Wed 29-Jun-22 13:55:38

Sorry you are having a bad time Luckygirl. Tomorrow will be a better day. 🌻

Kate1949 Wed 29-Jun-22 14:01:24

Keep letting it out on here Lucky flowers

MayBee70 Wed 29-Jun-22 15:14:33

Maybe you need some cognitive stress management ( I think that’s what it’s called). A friend of mine recently lost her husband and she says she keeps reliving what happened. You’ve had a traumatic time and it’s no wonder things sometimes trigger the feelings you had because at the time you would have been trying to keep a lid on things so you could cope. Maybe you need to work through those feelings with someone. To see someone you love suffering from something like Parkinson’s over such a long period of time must have been awful and you probably put your own problems dealing with it on the back burner. Now’s the time to look after yourself . And yes, talk about it on here. It always helps to talk x

BlueSky Wed 29-Jun-22 18:18:39

Oh Lucky it’s bound to happen, being widowed is such a hard time that I admire all widows and widowers. I too have followed your battles with your DH’s illness and felt for you. Take it easy on yourself. Big hugs x flowers

crazyH Wed 29-Jun-22 18:25:11

For you Luckygirl flowers

glammanana Wed 29-Jun-22 18:37:56

Please be kind to yourself Luckygirl,have a warm "Hug" from me sending flowers & much love to you x

Witzend Wed 29-Jun-22 19:22:26

💐💐 Luckygirl
Sounds as if a kick in the pants is the last thing you need.
A 🍷might be more like it. xx

Luckygirl3 Wed 29-Jun-22 20:11:21

Thank you for kind words. I rang an old friend and she is going to arrange to come round and chat with me when she is free. I do not know what the answer is to getting over all the dreadful things that happened when his mind was so destroyed - most of the time I forget them, then they make an appearance and knock me off an even keel again. Maybe that is just how it will be and I need to learn to accept that.

Shelflife Thu 30-Jun-22 07:21:14

Luckygirl3, I sincerely hope that
' this too will pass' , this phrase really helped me when I struggled through a difficult time. Also, don't hesitate to visit your GP and let him/ her know exactly how you are feeling. I wish you well.💐

riete Thu 30-Jun-22 07:36:05

hi luckygirl.
be kind to yourself. you've been through something hateful, and you need to let it settle. whichever way it chooses.
i hope you feel better soon.
flowers sunshine shamrock

baubles Thu 30-Jun-22 07:39:49

Luckygirl I hope today brings some peace. thanks

Ginny42 Thu 30-Jun-22 08:22:47

Hello Luckygirl,
I haven't logged in for months, just came on to read as I dealt with my own issues, but today I just have to send you my warmest wishes.

I watched from afar as you dealt with the illness and death of your beloved OH and the angst caused by his deterioration, the finances, the care home, house sale and move. Each one of those is very high on the stress index, and you had them all at the same time. Yet you came through all that. You've been amazing.

Wrap yourself in the good wishes of everyone here and lean on friends at home. Talking is a therapy in itself and Gransnetters are experts at listening. flowers (Think enormous bouquet!)

tiredoldwoman Thu 30-Jun-22 08:31:20

Life past, present and future has churned through my head this last month . It's a frightening feeling isn't it ? Guilt, regret , wrong roads taken and fear of the future are buzzing like a bag of bees in my head . I think maybe the answer is to get busy followed by something that calms you . I cleaned a student's flat yesterday , all that scrubbing and humphing stuff around exhausted but invigorated me . Then my grandson texted me to say that he'd fallen out with his Mum so can I collect him and let him stay for a few days ? So , my mind was taken off my own problems , we're off to do nice things today together . Rest and recovery , I think they call it ? Big hugs to you Luckygirl3 xx