funeral adverts!

Anyone else fed up with their hypocritical attitudes shown on the adverts? None of them will affect me, as of course being Mrs Independant, I have already made my arrangements and made sure that my son knows what I want etc. I shall end up as I always want to be swirling around up Swaledale and joining my darling husband.

But I just think that the way it is all put across on these adverts is absolute C...! They all bleat on about how they will do it all so well, by doing all the work and just giving the ashes to the family etc, with no effort on their part. But what it comes down to, if they tell it like it is. as we would do in Yorkshire . We can take the body, fit it into the gaps in our cremation schedule. That way you wont be spending much money on the funeral, not have to give up any of your precious time that could be spent looking at your phones , meeting with others to remember the person. Job done with no effort on your behalf!! Well if that is what you offer , why dont you say so, maybe in a slightly more polite way!!

It seems to match the moment , where the attitude of the younger generation becomes more selfish and see themselves as the centre of the universe , rather than part of a larger family of all ages. Fine if you never saw or kept in touch with the person who died, but to me quite insulting, if you had a relationship with that person. It also seems to me that it is part of the new "dont talk about that" , when in years gone by , talking openly about sex was seen as shocking, but death was recognised and help and signs of respect were the norm. Now more people seem to die in hospital than at home. This may be because they have had better treatment and been kept free from pain, which is all to be commended but it does mean that again death is at arms length .

I dont know necessarily what level I would think acknowledging a death is done well. It must obviously depend on what mattered to the person who died and their close family and friends. But I do feel that there does need to be a special time, whether that is going to somewhere that meant a lot to you , or friends talking of you at whatever club or interest you had. You existed and were worthy of that rememberance. You were greeted into the world and I think you should be given a real farewell too.

I think it was the romans that used to say that the worst thing you could be condemned to was that your name was not allowed to be spoken and that you would be totally forgotten. Well I am not thinking of something like Queen Victoria going into mourning for years. For myself , as no doubt for may of you, we remember and think of our loved ones every day, and every time you pass that special place, prune that special shrub, or always note a special time of day that you shared.

My special thing , which my granny ,(who was so important to me and I think a wise woman,) used to tell me. " Dont put flowers on my grave, give them to someone who can enjoy them" It is 60 years since she died and I still follow that advice. On my husbands birthday, my grannies birthday and other special days, I sometimes treat myself to some flowers, which might be more expensive than I would usually buy. But what gives me much pleasure is to buy simple small bunches of flowers, usually with good perfume, which I think is so important, so maybe freesias or jonquils in their time, and give them to someone who is not expecting anything. So it could be a neighbour , who you know is having a rough time, or the kind receptionist at the opticians. The pleasant waitress who is so helpful to you, and I also give them to men, as sadly , people dont seem to think men like flowers. A young man at the swimming pool was surprised but pleased to be given some , and the next time I saw him, he actually came over to say they were still doing well and he was enjoying them. I just say " I was thinking of you and thought you might like these" and then hand them the flowers and leave. But as I walk away I say to myself That was for you granny.

Whatever get together you do, there will be that mix of the people from all parts of their lives. We often find out something that we had never known about the person who died. I almost think we should have a party get together when we are perhaps 70 ish and then talk about the ups and downs of our lives and perhaps have lots of photos over the years. Let different parts of our lives meet up and tell funny stories about things we did or didnt do, which we could enjoy listening to. When years ago there was quite a family gettogether on his side for something ,my lovely husband started his speech by saying "How nice to have a get together without the cost of floral tributes!" So let us think what matters to us and not let them con us with there mealy mouthed attitude. I have tried to live , making the most of things, not wasting stuff etc., and I think if I added it up we must have planted a small wood by now, as we choose to give a tree via the woodland trust for all occasions sad or happy, so no way would I want a great carry on with miles of cars etc ., but I cant see me leaving by the back door like this can you??