What do you do at Christmas?

For several years, after we moved north, my aunt and uncle used to come from Yorkshire to spend Christmas with me and DSs. Then, when DSs spread their wings and my aunt became too disable to travel, I spent Christmas with them - uncle was a great cook. But 14 years ago, she died just before Christmas and he followed 8 days later. So that was one hellish Christmas when I was far from my sons and grandchild and shed many tears while organising a joint funeral. Still, things have looked up since then and I've become the elderly relative who spends Christmas with one or other son's family, often to be found lounging in a corner of the sofa while being plied with drink and mince pies. One son is an ex-chef and most of us are banned from the kitchen and the other is also a good cook. I am redundant! So to answer the thread's opening question, my answer is 'nothing much'!

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I find Christmas is a very depressing time of year now. Whilst I enjoy some time with my children and grandchildren watching them open their presents, I find it all a bit hard to cope. Christmas day 2014 my then partner left the house to take my son and his daughter's home and didn't come back. Every year I try to get into the spirit but I find myself painting on a smile and pretending I'm ok. I'm sorry if I have bought the mood down. Just feeling very tearful at the thought of it all.

We, now I, usually get invited to tea on Boxing Day and 1 other, at youngest son`s and one of the other kids houses. We have always spent Christmas Day on our own at home, apart from everyone turning up during the morning for present giving. Until about 3 years ago, I used to do a buffet and invite the family round sometime during the festive period, but then they became so many that they wouldn`t all fit in one go, so I did it twice, sometimes 3 times, until it suddenly became too much and I`d get really stressed out, so haven`t done it since, but still feel guilty at not doing.

I hosted for many years - I never minded the cooking and have always hated the idea of Christmas dinner out - so expensive and no leftovers! - but last year there were going to be 12 of us, including 4 visiting from the US, so we rented a nice big place by the sea in Devon.
This year we're going to dd1, over an hour's drive away and staying over - she has 2 under 3 so it'll be a hectic time. I will be doing quite a bit of the food prep here and taking it.

I was amused to read the posts by people who positively prefer being on their own on the day. I have often thought I could easily be the same one day - perish the thought that anybody would invite me out of pity for the 'poor old thing - we can't leave her on her own!'
Can see myself being a right GOW and Bah-humbug-ing anyone taking pity on me!

Having said that, dd will be inviting a neighbour with no family who will be on her own, but she's not elderly and I hope will feel able to say no thanks if that's what she'd prefer.

Please, oh please, will well meaning people realise that we are not all the same, and some of us are actually happy and content to do our own thing at Christmas and we should not be made to feel obligated to ' do what everyone else does!' I think I am happier than the people I know who are stressed, worried, and exhausted, because of what society ' expects' of them. Let's celebrate our differences, not insist that we are all the same.

This year I will be spending Christmas in Bali with all my children, their spouses, my grandchildren, my niece and my two great nephews. It will be wonderful to have my family together, we are usually quite scattered and haven't had Christmas all together for about 8 years.

Bah humbug!! Too much work for us oldies to be entertaining relations these days - all free too by the sounds of some stories.
Even if they all contribute something to the meal it still leaves the majority of Xmas day cooking to be done by hosts.
Boxing Day get togethers can be fun - more casual buffet style, with walks and outdoors things to do.

MB

I agree about the stress levels......Even though we'll be spending it with DD2 and her family, (they always give us a wonderful time) I had a couple of days of anxiety over the dogs because the woman who normally has them has decided to go away this year. Fortunately I've managed to book them into kennels. Millie won't care but Peggy will hate it.

Then there's crossing my fingers that DH will be OK healthwise. After ruining their Easter plans last April I'm surprised they've invited us back

Then there's the three hour drive each way....I don't mind the actual driving but there's bound to be jams and hold ups on Christmas Eve. The worst was 2013 when Storm whateverhisnamewas caused really dangerous conditions and the journey took seven hours!

I'll be praying for calm

Christmas -not some exotic festival which my iPad has invented

Like most our Christmases have been great, good, dreadful and just ok over the years. The best being when the children were young and everyone came to us, the worst when my parents had dementia and didn't even know what Christmas day meant. With the exceptions of 2 years when once we went to my son's in London and another when the two of us went to the pub I've always cooked lunch. This year is going to be very different as our youngest son is coming over from NZ with his wife and two small children for 6 weeks so we'll have a house full of noise and chaos which we're not used to any more. Hopefully our other son and family will come at some point but as they live 2 hours away and their own eldest daughter now lives with her boyfriend a further drive away it will be complicated getting together. Still looking forward to it all and keeping my fingers crossed everyone stays well and don't all fall out!

The emotional baggage that comes attached to Vhridtmas makes a lot of people very unhappy.
Anniversaries, distant friends, departed relatives, estranged children or grandchildren, lack of funds, worries about driving or drinking or both.
Not helped by the image created by the media of some Dickensian feast and happy families where everybody is slim, cheerful, patient, healthy,and the resident Domestic Goddess is not tearing her hair out and snarling at an undercooked turkey or incinerated pan of sprouts.
Don’t even want to talk about it yet!

I usually spend it with either of my sons. But this year is going to be different,,... I've agreed to house sit for my daughter-in-law's sister for five days. I'm going to be looking after -
2 dogs.
5 cats.
5 tortoises... only two of them are the sort which hibernate.
3 rabbits.
3 guinea pigs.
Tank of tropical fish.
This should stop me from getting bored.

Living in Sweden Christmas is celebrated on Christmas EVE, my adult children from my first marriage, go to their in-laws on Christmas Eve, DH and I sometimes go in the evening to friends and their family, but on Christmas Day, thats when we have fun, my Children and GC come here for a real English Christmas Dinner, they wouldnt want to change that tradition, and besides the GC love having two Christmases, this arrangement suits everyone.Must add, DH has no contact at all with his siblings or with his Daughter and family, a sorry affair but thats what its like.

I've always said you're welcome to come, you're welcome not to come but give me notice to order food / change beds in time. Best Christmas ever in a hotel was Sharrow Bay. Worst was in Aqaba after we had arranged a cruise down the Nile and there was a massacre at the Hatshepsut temple so Egypt was cancelled.

For over 10 years we have spent the winter abroad so we don't see our family over Christmas, and that suits everyone but this year is different and I really don't know what to do. My daughter is disabled and has learning difficulties and lives on her own since her husband died 2 years ago. If we don't see her Christmas Day she will see no one but her carers. She has invitations to two Christmas dinners with transport provided but won't go. So we thought we would go and spend the say with her and have. Christmas dinner together, but she don't turn the heating up to more than 17 degrees and it's to cold for me. The house is cluttered and we would have to eat our unch sat on the settee, she will not move or change anything. Lunch out well she has a track record of saying yes then changing her mind the day before. Can't come to our house as we have stairs and she would have to stay over night. If we were away she would probably spend it on her own but I am here and I would feel so guilty. Just wish we had an easy family.

Christmas can be a time of joy but it can also highlight what ever is wrong or missing in your home. It can be a very difficult time for a lot of people. I know this as many years ago my only son died and Christmas was just so empty and sad. So, what we did for years is we had Christmas a week early. Then when Christmas really came it was just a day and we could visit him and drink champagne in his memory. Every one is different, and every home is different, take care. This Christmas my husband and I are travelling up to the sun and sand and letting the whole Christmas thing go over the top of us. Each to their own. Take care those on their own, sad or bereaved! Those who can enjoy yourselves to the max.

I do admire those of you who insist on staying at home alone for Christmas. I’d so love to do that. The family would feel hurt if I did, and I don’t want to hurt them. I thought of getting a diplomatic illness....i.e. lying about it.

Even then, if my neighbours realised I was alone, they would make a fuss. This has happened to friends who wanted to be alone, but spent the whole day hiding and pretending they weren’t there.

Why can’t people accept that some of us would ENJOY Christmas alone? It seems to be considered one of the most terrible things that can happen to someone.

Charleygirl, I love your idea of doing it solo. Honestly hate the whole flipping thing. My mother died when I was a child month before, which probably explains my hives over the festive season. Used to make an effort when kids were young. But now, it’s a dreaded thing. Hate even the mention of the word. Please stop. It’s October!

I don't see what all the fuss is about Christmas. Last year I insisted on spending it alone. What a fuss was made but I put my foot down. Spent a lovely day...doing as I pleased. I see my family all through the year. I eat dinner alone most of the year so why can't I at Christmas...hahaha

For many years I hosted Christmas Day which was more of a fancy Sunday Roast which I do every Sunday.

About 6 years ago DS1 (suited dgc) started to host and we were more than happy to go to them. Early evening other younger family members arrived for the inevitable party and generally dh and I together with DILs parents would slip off home to slippers and tv.

Not sure what is happening this year. DILs mother has suggested she might do a christmas dinner because she now has a great big table (which actually means DIL and her sister doing the cooking) but we mustn't be greedy as they've always been with us.

DS2 usually has his parents in law to stay for a couple of days and I'd imagine it will be the same this year.

It's possible that DSs 1 and 2 with families will arrive at our house on christmas night. Or we may decide to have a buffet on boxing day. All comers welcome.

Our other 2 DSs live abroad and so it's a quick Skype with them and the dgc. Actually not the most personal of Skype chats as it's usually in their parents in law home and PIL etc join in. I get quite emotional though I say nothing as it's 6 years since we spent christmas with one of those who are abroad. Too expensive to come to UK for a short time which would also involve jet lag etc.

When we've gone to DIL1 for christmas dinner we often would have a bit of an open house on Boxing Day. DILs parents every year give us a fresh farm turkey as a gift, they rear them for the butcher's shop. So we'd have our siblings and the young ones with a couple of their in-law siblings together with all relevant children. We all know each other well and all live within walking distance.

So this year who knows.... we could be like Derby and Joan for christmas dinner.
The sister of DH would be more than happy for us to join her, we are all good friends and should we be on our own I could just say..... any chance of a couple of extra chairs at your table - it wouldn't be a problem. Again she is within walking distance.

So.... all a bit up in the air at the moment.
And indeed not a christmas gift bought !!

When our DC were young we alternated with my parents - Mi L only wanted to be with her DD and family. We often had my DM's stray relatives as well. When my DM was 70, she decided to stop, and it was over to me. That was fine, but in her later years, she didn't want to come the 45 miles to ours, so stayed at home with my brother. I always took her Christmas food shopping, then we visited on Boxing Day. Now that my DD's have their own families, they both come to us Christmas one year, and Hogmanay the next, going to their in laws alternate Christmasses. This works fine at the moment, but as I get older, hopefully we can go to one of them! This year, DD2's in laws are going to be away at Christmas, but according to DS (who still lives at home), they are coming to us at Christmas as well as New Year! I always enjoy the alternate Christmas that we spend ourselves, but of course I know we'll be having them all the following week. There are twelve of us, but thirteen if my brother comes . DH not happy about thirteen at the table!

gillybob Would it be possible for you to ask your sister for a contribution towards the Christmas food? It is, as you say, a very expensive time and whilst I'm sure you are happy to host your family it would be nice if they could pitch in moneywise, and perhaps give you as hand too.

Christmas is nearly always at our house. My son, his partner and their two children come - and my Mum who is in her 90's. Up until 7 years ago an elderly friend of mine used to come every year as she had no relatives in this country. She didn't celebrate Christmas because she was Jewish but nevertheless she found it depressing being on her own all over the Christmas period and not being able to go to her usual bridge and art classes. Now she has emigrated, it is usually just the family. My daughter generally does her own Christmas dinner with her son and several friends, and usually comes round on Christmas Day evening or Boxing Day.

It is quite tiring doing all the preparations but one year we did go to a local hotel for dinner and, as an earlier poster said, it felt very impersonal.

I used to enjoy playing games - Charades, Trivial Pursuit, Balderdash, etc.etc., but now Mum finds them too hard to follow, the children are too young to join in and my son and his partner tend to just want to relax because, as with most people with a young family, they are on the go the rest of the time. We are a lot more selective about what we watch on TV and try to keep it off most of the time. I and my husband make an effort to keep the children occupied with various activities so that their mum and dad can have some downtime.