My 10 year old and Father Christmas

I care for an 11 year old with mild learning disability and he still believes and so do his friends but attend special school. He told me he had to try hard to learn his spellings because he thought Santa might somehow find out if he did not try. It did make me smile. I expect this may be his last year but I don't want to spoil the magic whilst he still believes. He thinks the Santa's in stores are just helper Santa's as real Santa far too busy making presents to leave North Pole. I would leave her to find out in her own time. Why spoil magic for her?

leeds that’s exactly why I believe children shouldn’t think presents come from F.C. ( apart from a little stocking). It’s much much more magical as a small child to be surrounded by love and affection and the sheer wonderment that Grandma for example knew EXACTLY what to give you as a present for Christmas

My granddaughter is a young 7 and has started asking her mum if vampires, witches and trolls are real. She seems to have a lot of nightmares and has a very vivid imagination but has never been allowed to see a vampire film! No mention of the tooth fairy or Father Christmas yet but she is only allowed to suggest one reasonably priced Santa gift. My daughter wants to take her and her sister to Lapland next year ( the youngest will be 2+) so she's hoping to string out the belief for one more year so the little one can enjoy it.

When she asked me, I said I had never seen any (of the above) but I know there are people who believe in (pagan) herbal potions etc. and I had seen dwarfs so they are real (she had seen some in a panto too) so the subject was steered away from!!! For now.

I just dropped Father Christmas after the year my 5 yr old DS sang the praises of his lovely daddy (ex-husband and very absent father) for a great Christmas present and when I asked about the other presents (mine), he said, oh they came from FC. We never mentioned the man with the white beard again! I don't think he has been too traumatised.

lisalou I suspect your very together daughter understands well enough, but she still want to connect with the 'magic'. As others have said, we approach it via the love and kindness route, our elder granddaughter is 11 and is happily 'believing' at home, suspect she doesn't at school though. I can imagine her face if she didn't get a stocking this year. Dont worry too much, I suspect your daughter will sort it for herself.

When this came up with my two DC I told them it was up to them whether they believed, or not. I added that they needed to think about that as, if they didn’t believe, Father Christmas might not come. There was doubt in their minds but they were happy to continue with the fun!

It is the eternal dilemma. My grandson aged 10 was chatting to his 5 year old sister the other day as she was writing out her ‘Santa List’.... she was babbling on to him, while he helped with spelling mistakes.. she asked had he written his letter to Santa yet and he said “ no not yet” and turned to
me with a conspirational smile on his face. I smiled back and said nothing. Let it dawn on your granddaughter gradually..it’s the best way. I’m always amazed how the older children keep the illusion going for the younger siblings.It seems it’s an unwritten law between kids. They don’t want or need us to interfere with their beliefs. It all ends far too quickly anyway these days. Let this little girl hold on to him as long as she needs to. I have!

Grandson aged 11 to Mum
Is it true there is no Father Christmas?
Mum.......er Yes
Grandson.....no tooth fairy?
Mum ....er yes
Grandson.....what about the Easter Bunny?
Mum ....er yes
Grandson Oh ruin my life why don't you!!
Its now a standing family joke!

I always told my two that he was real if you believed in him, if you didn't believe then the mummies and daddies gave the presents.

My youngest believed until he was nearly eleven. We decided it was time he knew the truth. He wasn't happy that we had been lying to him!

some while ago a dear friend was asked by her 10 year old dauyfor the truth about FC as friends had been suggesting that he didn’t in fact, exist. My friend reckoned that the girl had had a good innings believing and was worried about further bullying from school mates. So she gently explained. The girl sat and thought about it for a while and then said ‘I don’t suppose you’re the tooth fairy as well,are you?’
Conversely another friend’s partner was seriously ill in the run-up to Christmas and well into the New Year. She did her best to keep things together and as normal as possible for her 6 year old son but it was very hard and shopping etc was put on the back burner. One day in January her son told her that all the boys in his class had said there’s no such person as FC but the boy had stoutly defended his position - he KNEW that FC existed. When asked by his mum why he was so VERY certain of this he replied, ‘I know you and daddy wouldn’t buy me such rubbish presents!’

I agree, netty. Even now I still feel there is magic at midnight on Christmas Eve, nothing my rational brain says stops that.

My daughter, now aged 41, recently told me that even though she had been told by friends at school that Father Christmas was not real, she still went along with it because she thought we (my husband and myself) believed. However, that was the same year that we had a small amount of snow overnight on Christmas Eve and an animal (could it have been a reindeer?) had left footprints by the saucer of milk that was left out for him. She then had proof that Father Christmas and his Reindeer did exist!

I say to anyone of any age “If you don’t believe,he doesn’t come”. ?

Well said. They grow up far too fast these days. Just let her believe what she wants to . If her friends say anything just say " take no notice " they'll be the sad ones Christmas morning . Worked for my DD.

Oldest grandson who has just started secondary school told me recently that he knew there was no FC but he also knew he had to keep it to himself because of his two younger siblings. We had a bit of a chat and he then surprised/impressed me by saying he now realised how much his parents must spend in providing presents for the three of them. Quite an insightful comment from an eleven year old.

My 2 now in their late 40's said they knew for ages and kept it going for ages . . . the only reason being that they would get more pressies! And I naively kept it up as long as they did as I didn't want to burst their xmas bubbles . . . they know so well how to play us way before we get wind! LOL!

It is easier to keep it a secret if Father Christmas only fills the stocking, other presents went under the tree.

We never said anything to our children when they were growing up but they still had the stockings. When they were teenagers I started buying stocking presents for myself and then husband too - the children got into the spirit and we kept it up.
Fast forward too many years than i care to remember and my daughter is back living with me. My two granddaughters have their stockings and have never said whether they believe or not. At 15 and 12 they'll get their stockings again this year - actually Santa sacks - as usual. It's all part of how we celebrate Christmas.
In addition they get their letters from Father Christmas - the company I get them from do a wonderful letter for older children. My two younger granddaughters still believe though I don't get to see them often and they also get a letter.

Annsixty - thanks for the reminder! Must check Santa will be writing to GC 7 and 3! Also something special needed for GGD’s Ist Christmas!

Our 8 year old GD is facing this at school. She desperately wants to believe, but is writing a letter to Santa that she won't let her parents see 'as a test'. Apparently she did leave this on the table when distracted, and her mother spotted that apart from a Fitbit, she wanted an end to all wars, no more world poverty, and various other altruistic impossibles! She says she is going to email this to Granny (me) so I can send it off without her parents knowing what is in it. We have obviously explained that Father Christmas could not possibly give everyone everything they asked for.

I suppose I could say I forgot to post the letter, when she checks the news on Christmas Day!

I didn't have this problem with her mum and my other children, I told them the truth as soon as the very first questions started, in their case around 4! I said to them that there was a Father Christmas who lived a long time ago, he was called St Nicholas, and in the days when children used to leaved their muddy shoes outside the door, he would go round at night and fill them with sweets. He died a long time ago, but the desire to make children happy at Christmas time lives on in all of us, and we carry on the tradition in our own houses with stockings.

I was concerned that if left too late, there would be a 'baby and bathwater' situation, where if Father Christmas wasn't real, then they would not believe in the real Christmas story either, which for us is the real cause of joy on Dec 25th!

While I pretend to believe that there is no FC, in my heart of hearts I know that he does exist! Too little magic in the world. Let her have her innocence and childhood dreams while she can. The magic will die too soon.

What? Father Christmas isn't real? Who's been leaving me presents for the last 65 years then?

We never told our kids that there was a Father Christmas. We still had lots of presents on Christmas Eve and stockings on Christmas Day and it never caused any problems. I didn't tell them about FC because I had been so shocked and disappointed when I found out as a child.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

My girls were horrified at the age of 18 or so when i let it drop in conversation that there was not a fc. Am still not sure if they were winding me up....they are both good actresses. Or should that be actors, gender non specific. So they probably were...