What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

You say you like flowers, I do as well. When my 3 dc asked what I would like for Xmas ? I said flowers. 1 bunch at Xmas, 1 in Jan and 1 in Feb. That way I get to enjoy lovely flowed for 3 months. You can not do anything this year but remember to make a fuss of your lovely flowers on your birthday and suggest how much you would love more at Xmas.

This is a bit off the point, but my Birthday was on Wednesday and I always say I dont need anything and dont want anything, if I do I buy it myself, ( what a wonderful time of life this is).
My Daughter-in-Law popped in this afternoon with a belated present, a bottle of my favoutire wine, Chardonnay, she knows me well! It was a lovely surprise.

I can sense your hostility to your DIL so I would guess that she can too. Be careful what you wish for.

Am I missing something here? "My son is just too busy"! Well that's him off the hook then. He is your blood relative , your offspring. I hear a lot of daughters in law getting a lot of stick on GN. I wouldn't dream of blaming my son in law if my daughter didn't bother to buy me a present or if he didn't buy me my favourite thing. Can people just accept their presents gracefully as most of us are taught to do?

A magazine subscription was a great success this year most people gave me vouchers for my birthday

As your DH is diabetic and you are concerned about your own weight, I think you would be perfectly justified in asking your son and DIL not spend their money on foodstuffs neither of you ought to eat.

Ask them nicely if it would be all right for you to give them a wishing list of one or two items you really would like.

You can easily find out what the hamper cost, so you have an idea of what kind of money they consider appropriate for a gift.

We go for making memories now instead of adult gifts. So we have a day out together, or could be a nice massage, a meal etc

petra Gosh. Didn't notice that. Maybe it should be pointed out if it is a comment from the archive.

For those of you who are trying to advise the OP: she posted on 28th December 2017
I think the problem 'might' have been resolved by now.

This is difficult as you don't want to hurt their feelings. I've a similar problem with BIL/SIL who still buy me things despite my suggesting, "Let's just exchange cards now," which they acknowledged but ignore.
It's nice to be thought of but I find it embarrassing as I stopped buying for them years ago.

feelingmyage55 you said 'They obviously care about your you so beware of making them feel the love they are showing is not hitting the mark.' but I don't actually think this is correct. As Cabbie21 has stated she does not have much contact with Dil and does not see them over Christmas. The son is seeing money being spent on Dil's parents and probably insisting that the equivalent amount is spent on his without caring too much what is bought so it is he that needs to know how she feels. Could it be that in the past she has loved all the items in the hamper and he is remembering those times? Last year I could not think of anything to have as a Christmas present from my daughter so asked for a donation to Orangutan UK. I got a cuddly Orangutan, calendar and photos in addition to the donation. My son lives in another country and Dil thinks it is wrong to give money as presents so some gifts from them are not as appropriate but that is my fault for not giving them enough ideas. This birthday I got books (use a kindle) and DVDs (have Netflix, Sky and Prime so rarely watch DVDs) but they tried.

Have a look in here
www.goodgifts.org/
and request something that appeals to you. I received a bicycle for a midwife in a developing country from my kids a few years ago, and I was delighted with my present . Win-win..!

I would just say thank you for your gift. As others have said, foodbanks would appreciate the contents particularly at this time of year. You could then use the hamper itself perhaps for storage. Alternatively a local residential care home might enjoy a few extra luxury foods for the residents to enjoy. Either way this is a good gift to be able to donate at this time of year. You have said this year it's a hamper, so I,m guessing that other years there are different types of gifts that are also unsuitable. I am assuming that really deep down you would still prefer not to receive any gifts as your post suggests, but the AC see it differently. How do you reciprocate the gifts to them? maybe sometimes you don"t get it right either. There is no easy way, one size does not fit all. Perhaps next year you could suggest a limit to the amount you all spend on each other (much less than a hamper would cost) and just say in a friendly way that you are making a few cutbacks now over personal Christmas gifts and would like to help a few charities as well.

Grrrr. This is one of my pet peeves!
In this case, it’s particularly ironic given that the OP was complaining about thoughtless behaviours.

Someone resurrects an old thread just to add their pointless commment which then leads to a second pile on because subsequent posters don’t notice or bother to check the date of the original post.

Writerbird If you wanted to discuss the issue of thoughtless gift giving, then just create a new thread.

It’s not that difficult to do!

There's nothing I need, so, for the last five years I have asked my close family to provide a gift for a family or a village in Africa. I've had chickens and goats which will provide both food and an income for the recipients. Passive aggressive? I don't think my sons see it that way. Usually they give me a little stocking filler too so that I won't feel left out when the presents are opened. This year, I have asked them all to donate to the Motor Neurone Association.

My Wish List on Amazon does the teick. My grown up kids can view it then decide between then what to get me...and as my birthday is also in December ...it helps them with that too. Although this Sunday ( birthday) they’re taking me out for lunch instead (or as well as!!).

We are doing a Secret Santa this year for the first time, adults only, kids stay the same. It's far less stress of trying to find gifts for family that are lucky in the sense they can buy what they want/need. It was my suggestion but I now feel guilty.

How sad to complain over being given a present- yes, it was not entirely suitable but so many don’t receive anything so pass it on with satisfaction that someone else will benefit from some treats and that above all you have family in your lives. I feel rather sorry for your daughter in law.

I agree with many posters that you should just smile and graciously accept the gift. Be thankful it is a lovely gift as this brings me in mind of a gift I received (other way round) from my mil..... a pack of underpants. Some might say I was ungrateful for putting them in the bin when I got home, but being told that she had bought them for herself and they were a bit tight and cut in after a while really put me off (yes I know I could have washed them, but the thought of her wearing them was quite awful).

I would be grateful that they want to give a gift and accept it in the spirit it was given

They're obviously trying to think of things bless them. Be thankful and pass on, don't waste. However I do an amazon list now and tell everyone If you're looking for ideas I have an amazon list. They may be grateful! And its still a surprise.

Donate the delicious hamper to a food bank and for future birthday/ Christmas suggest they suprise you with a £5.00 (change the amount as desired) present that must come from a charity shop. This appeases their need to give, gives you a suprise and helps out a local charity. Win, Win, Win!
Happy Christmas ?

Tilly unless it's bath bombs you can use bath cream in the shower. My daughter only showers so if she gets a bath bomb I offer to swap for some nice shower gel
My children took to giving hampers to their very elderly grandparents but they were carefully chosen. Often they would use the basket for plants.Now it is just one extremely elderly grandparents and when I visit I take a Waitrose hamper crate and fill it for grandad as he doesn't eat jam, anything with dried fruit in doesn't drink tea, diesnt like jam, can't drink booze cos if the medication, so we compromise and find some nice lowish alcohol beer. Takes a bit more effort but everything is eventually eaten . He dies get some hampers from kind friends and takes them graciously and just regifts the things he doesn't eat to friends who do like them or carers chiropodist or the district nurse. This year popped some nice lip cream and soap in too
My mother in law used to get me no end of odd things, things that didn't fit for example, and I think she had just got them out of her wardrobe as they'd not take them back for a bigger size, or awful beige tights. I don't mind regifts get but only if the item is suitable for the person.

I would be more inclined to ask myself.... if my DS is so kind , thoughtful and sensitive why he chooses to never spend Christmas together and doesn’t know your preferences enough to give some guidance to his poor wife who leaves the room when you visit and is “not busy either working or raising your grandchildren and buying you inappropriate gifts”.

You haven’t received a thank you note from her gift? And did you receive one from your DS? I honestly think the gifts are the last thing that I would be worried about ! I would be thankful they want to try and keep a tradition and work a lot harder on making a closer relationship with DS & DIL.

I think a lot of us are in this position, however is it the fact that your DIL buys the gifts that rankles so much. So many of us would be glad of the 'in law' type relationship, instead of being totally ignored. We always get somethings we would never use or even like but if they are given with love so what. Seems to me we are talking DIL/MIL problems mostly. Just a thought ?