What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

Having realised that the giver of wildly inappropriate gifts in my family never listens to a word anyone says about it, I now thank her graciously and quietly give the items to a charity shop in the new year.

Thanks for that thought. What we have done this year is all go out for a meal together, together with my DD and her family, about three times in the year.
I don’t see anything being a substitute for a present though, in their eyes.

I don't know if this would work for you but here is my suggestion. You say you don't see them at Xmas or you don't see them very often, so could you suggest that instead of gifts you could all have a weekend away somewhere nice? We have done this and it worked well. We had a lovely time together. There are some lovely places in towns or in the country and spending precious time together could be beneficial. Then you won't mind them spending Xmas with DILs parents. Could that work? It did for us.

Thank you for the constructive ideas.

I have only recently joined Gransnet, and am quite surprised at some of the comments, particularly from those who did not read the detail of the opening post.
I am not ungrateful. In general we are on good terms, though not close. My son is very busy with work so leaves the present buying to his wife.
I have given several items away now and will use others. I have no intention of telling DIL that the gifts were unsuitable, as that would be hurtful. Previous years’ gifts have often been unsuitable too, so I was wondering how to break the cycle. I have not even had a thank you for the small gifts I gave them, perhaps they were unsuitable? ( I gave her some toiletries). Nor from their teenage children to whom I was generous, though that is par for the course. I might text them at the weekend to see what they spent the money on.

I would rather we gave up giving gifts between the adults, but they don’t want to do that. I don’t really want to provide a list of items I might like. I am just not materialistic, and have enough objects in my house not to want any more, which is perhaps why she opted for consumables- but just chose the wrong sort, because she does not think.
My son is lovely, sensitive, thoughtful, but just too busy.
They spend every Christmas with her parents, so I am not normally around at present opening time. I don’t want to bring it up on the odd occasions we meet up, though if my son raises it we can discuss it. On thinking about it, I have from time to time, given DS and DIL substantial sums of money, not for Christmas, which is probably why they want to give me presents, which is kind of them.
I am not making a fuss, i am not ungrateful. I am glad I have family I get on with, I just feel we could sort this better somehow.

It's better to put up with an unsuitable gift than say something and possibly cause a rift. It's nice that they give you anything; some people are not so lucky.

I think if DIL leaves the room just tell yourself that she is giving you quality time with your son. She doesn't have to like you. My mil liked to watch the racing and John Wayne films on tv. Both of which bored and still bore me rigid so I left the room and did some baking. Win win. I've had many hampers over the years and there is always something that you wonder what to do with- the last one had mulled wine spices and I'm still wondering. Smile and thank.

Despite gently informing my DIL that I do not like Magnolia products, guess what, I still get same every year, still at least the Charity shops benefit.

Provide a Christmas list we do in our family and it works reasonably well.

Should have added, I wouldn't say anything to DiL. However tactfully worded, seeming ungrateful for a present can be hurtful and may cause bad feeling. Just not worth it.

What I did one year with a lavish hamper I'd won in a raffle - just didn't need it and even felt guilty about winning it! - was to phone the local Salvation Army. Someone came to collect it within half an hour! This was shortly before Christmas, though.
Alternatively, if all the items are non perishable, how about a local food bank? Someone will be very glad of them, for sure.

(Just saw your update)
Maybe DS wanted to get gifts for you again but has asked Dil to buy them rather than do it himself.
And she doesn't want to do it, so gets something without giving it much thought.

Why do you say Dil is giving you unsuitable presents?
Maybe DS is buying your presents and (like many men) happens to be a bit clueless about it.

be grateful theres someone who bothers to buy you anything...there are many who wont even recieve a kind word

My MiL gives me knickers and jumpers that are two or sometimes three sizes too small despite being the same size herself. I smile sweetly and give it to my younger sister who is much smaller or if she does not fancy it gift it to Salvation Army. I am sure homeless will be happy with it.

Next year perhaps email, in good time, to request charity donations instead of gifts? I did that this year - in my family we only ever do token presents for adults (except partners), but none of us really needs anything & we're all in a position to buy any small items we do want. I said which charities I was going to donate to, and suggested my children did the same.

Yes, we do exactly the same as Feelingmyage. Delay buying things in order to put them on a potential present list and circulate it. Sometimes DD or DS will buy me something they know I would like but I was unaware of. I got a couple of books this Christmas, which were not on my list but spot on topic. Sometimes they sound me out on a gift before buying.

If given something I have no use for, I smile and say thank you and then pop it in a drawer for a couple of months and then dispose of it. I would just donate the contents of an inappropriate food hamper to the local food bank.

Just be grateful that they think enough of you to want to buy you something.

At least consummables disappear! Better than clothes or something for the house you don't want. Even if you are overweight a slice of toast and jam for breakfast isn't so bad. Unless you don't like jam. Use things gradually over time and give away bits you can't use. Don't risk saying anything- not worth the possible upset.

I drink a small gin about twice a year.
This litre bottle should last for years

I have had a really bad one from OH. We have had a set of six good bone china mugs with the same pattern theme in two of each pattern. OH tended to always make my tea in one particular style of these mugs and he has quite wrongly assumed that this was the style I liked best.

No it was not my favourite . I liked all off them. We had the odd accident with a couple of them and what did OH do? for Christmas he bought another six of this style. I have not commented but I was really annoyed.

Why doesn't DS buy the presents?

Just wondering why DiL is getting all the blame for buying the unsuitable presents. Why does DiL leave the room when her MiL makes one of her rare visits? Does she perhaps sense that MIL doesn't like her or approve of her son's choice of partner?

I started an Amazon wish list for bits to do with my hobbies. All members of the family have one and it is a good way of getting surprises that are actually what you want for Christmas or birthdays. It works well in our family.

we tend to just buy each other without thinking, I got 3 pairs of slippers from my mother, I got DGD 4 pairs of jamas, in total she got 7 pairs, my chocolate stash is good until easter and my mother has 6 boxes of biscuts. We just keep things and gradually use them over the year, I got a bottle of sherry from my mother that she had been given 5 years ago nd not used it. I am quite fussy about toiletries and do take them to the charity shop but I'm quite a hoarder too.