What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

I think some people find present buying really difficult but they won't ask for advice. I just smile and say thank you for a present whatever it is. My mother often gave my late husband a jumper for Christmas, which should've been fine but sometimes they were really horrible! I remember a particularly ugly, chunky, green one with orange and blue flecks. He was not happy and took it as a personal insult because he was choosy about his clothes. She really tried but her taste was very different from his.

I'm sorry to say that I think the OP's hamper was a totally thoughtless present given their health difficulties. It strikes me that the daughter-in-law is determined that a present must be given so just bought something impersonal without any consideration of the recipient's circumstances. Mind you, if she takes herself out or to another room when OP visits, it goes a long way to explaining the choice of gift!

Think of all the women whose daughters in law don't buy them gifts then accept, say thank you and say no more . My son in law who isn't buys me chocolate , haven't eaten chocolate for over ten years , the fact he is no longer my son in law but still cares for me gives me such happiness

Smile and say thank you

The charity shops are full of unwanted gifts just after Christmas - and the food bank would be very grateful!

I did get what I wanted this year
except that DH bought me a bottle of gin [why]?

I think it’s lovely that even though they wouldn’t be with you at Christmas they really wanted to buy you something to show they’re thinking of you.

I had a party for my 70th birthday just before Christmas. I hadn’t done the ‘please don’t bring gifts’ bit as I like to take a gift for my friends and hoped they’d feel the same. (Plus I rather like getting presents!). My DH is also diabetic and can’t drink alcohol and I also have a weight problem and can’t drink red wine. I had some really lovely imaginative presents but also several bottles of red wine and a couple of large boxes of very nice chocolates! And - no flowers! I love flowers and not one person brought any. I’d even been so sure of getting a bunch. I’d left space on the table for some and not bought any myself. But it was so lovely to receive gifts and very much appreciated. We’ll open the red wine to share with visitors and are slowly eat our way through the chocs rationing ourselves to one each evening!

Smile and be grateful - I got nothing from my sons apart from some bottles of wine from DS2 when he visited in November. That follows on from nothing at all for my birthday. What really hurts is that my sister still gets presents from them. I don’t think I’ve upset them in any way!

Everyone knows what you'd mean by 'it's the thought that counts'. It means that you don't like the gift. If I don't like a present - which rarely happens - I smile and accept it. Never make the gifter feel embarrassed. However - my sister is the worst present chooser ever. She sent me a rather itchy crochet headband with a rosette on it in colours that I would never wear. She asked me on the phone (from NZ) if I had received it. Then she admitted, 'It's not really your colours, is it?' which gave me a way out, much to my relief, so I won't feel guilty taking it down to the charity shop.

Everyone knows what you'd mean by 'it's the thought that counts'. It means that you don't like the gift. If I don't like a present - which rarely happens - I smile and accept it. Never make the gifter feel embarrassed. However - my sister is the worst present chooser ever. She sent me a rather itchy crochet headband with a rosette on it in colours that I would never wear. She asked me on the phone (from NZ) if I had received it. Then she admitted, 'It's not really your colours, is it?' which gave me a way out, much to my relief, so I won't feel guilty taking it down to the charity shop.

Everyone knows what you'd mean by 'it's the thought that counts'. It means that you don't like the gift. If I don't like a present - which rarely happens - I smile and accept it. Never make the gifter feel embarrassed. However - my sister is the worst present chooser ever. She sent me a rather itchy crochet headband with a rosette on it in colours that I would never wear. She asked me on the phone (from NZ) if I had received it. Then she admitted, 'It's not really your colours, is it?' which gave me a way out, much to my relief, so I won't feel guilty taking it down to the charity shop.

I think the same rule applies as I was taught by my mum when I was presented as a child with something I really didn't want from one of our older relatives. "Smile and say thank you. It's the thought that counts."
What you do with it after that is up to you.

....or maybe you are looking for something to criticise your DIL about.......?

I don't think I would give anything away this soon after Christmas either. I think you are being particularly critical about all of this. Be kind and be grateful.

Repercussions!

I agree with the posters who advise saying nothing - it's not worth the possible repucussions. Smile sweetly, say thank you and leave it at that. As others say, you can pass the contents on.

Smile and say thank you; then do what you will with the gift.

For goodness sake its a small gift not worth all this hassle. I think you should look at why this is concerning you so much cabbie21.

It's all been said, be thankful you have people who care enough about you to give you a gift. It you don't like it, need it or want it, food banks, women's refuges, the Sally Army, there are no end of charities that will make sure the gift goes where it is needed.
Don't under any circumstances tell the gifter you didn't appreciate their generosity.

My son and DiL try very hard but never seem to get it right. I’d never say anything to them though.

I'm afraid I would back out of telling her outright, too, so as not to cause any bad feelings.

You should definitely make quite clear during the course of conversations throughout the year that you can't eat certain things. But next time around (her birthday, your DS's birthday and then again at Christmas) ask her directly what she would like. Then, in the course of that conversation, you could get on to the subject of what sort of thing you would like, because ruling out presents of sweets and cakes doesn't rule out other things that may be unsuitable.

Some people just don't have the knack of choosing presents although they mean well.

Gosh what a lucky lady to get a nice present from a daughter in law you don’t see too often and you don’t have a deep relationship with Please don’t tell her you ve given it away, what a smack in the teeth
Accept they dont get it right, gush over the flowers, next time you get any and tell your son how much you d love such and such nearer next Christmas ( not a hint, a request)
If not just accept it it’s not the end of the world

I am a present giver I get so much pleasure out of seeing something that fits with a person ( its my fun) A few years ago my best friend said let’s stop presents I reluctantly agreed and we didn’t get each other anything that year but I can’t do it, so now I buy something small and practical , and she sticks to our agreement and that is absolutely fine for me This year she got an Amerylis she loved it

Maybe write a thank you card to say “thank you for the kind gift, we have managed to eat one or two items, which were lovely, but I hope you won’t be offended when I tell you that due to DHs diabetes and my New Year’s diet we had to share some of the food with .....they were all very appreciative! Perhaps in future we could go back to not sending gifts at Christmas, as I know how stressful sending presents is? We know you think of us , we love seeing you all and that is honestly enough.” How would something like that go down?

I deliberately hold off buying things I want so that those nearest and dearest who really want to give me something can be given clear guidance. I also have hobbies which mean that I need to replenish stocks of certain things. Regift and say lots of items have already been enjoyed! Take items first footing??? They obviously care about your you so beware of making them feel the love they are showing is not hitting the mark.

Yes, Springychicken, it is DIL who buys the presents.
I sometimes get flowers for my birthday which I really like, but the last three Christmasses have been totally unsuitable objects, not just this years. I don't actually see her that much to have a conversation about what I (or they) might like, as she nearly always goes out when I go there, or stays in another room.

It's probably DIL who buys the present and at least she has cottoned onto the fact that consumables are the way to go. Better than lumbering you with an ornament which you'd have to keep for a while.
Why not suggest that some flowers would be nice for future Christmases, something both you and your husband can enjoy.

As other posters have said. They need gentle guidance. If you protest that there is nothing that you need/want then you are probably going to get something that you certainly could do without.
If they don’t take a hint next year then give whatever it is away.

Give the food to a food bank. Start talking about things you would like but would probably never buy to yourself ...drop things into conversations. Talk about how you/hubby are trying to avoid sweet things. Talk about what a treat very special bath products are!!1 And so on