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(16 Posts)
Gizmogranny Sat 22-Dec-18 12:51:56 feel very hurt when my DS does not send me a Christmas card or buy me a Christmas present? We have a good relationship, we speak and text often. I also have a reasonably good relationship with his wife. I get on very well with my two DGC who I adore. I always buy for them all on birthdays and at Christmas. Throughout the year I will go and look after my two DGC during school holidays or whenever my DS and DDiL need me. A few years ago DS stopped sending me a Christmas card or present. I asked him why the first time he didn’t get me anything and he said money was short. I do understand this, however, I know for a fact that he doesn’t skimp when it comes to buying presents for his wife and children (I don’t begrudge him doing that) as he tells me what he has bought for them. I also know that DDiL buys for her parents. I can’t help thinking that it would be nice if my DS just gave me a thought, other than when he wants me for something, and sent me a nice card or a box of chocolates, especially at Christmas 🎄

aggie Sat 22-Dec-18 13:07:55

lose him off your card and present list ! he is selfish !

Lynne59 Sat 22-Dec-18 13:17:58

He's being very selfish and unkind.

My adult sons (34 and 37) always buy presents for birthdays, Mother's/Father's Days, and Christmas. No matter how strapped for cash the eldest one has ever been (he's got 2 children and 2 step-children), he's always got us something nice.

I think you should tell your son how upset you feel - and not help him out with things so much.

BlueBelle Sat 22-Dec-18 13:18:25

No that’s not the answer two wrongs don’t make a right
It is disappointing for you I have one who is quite spasmodic more times that not I don’t get anything but good wishes but I know that money is really really tight
I don’t think you can measure love through what you get carry on loving your son and grandkids and accept he’s not a card/present buyer perhaps one day he ll surprise you

Lynne59 Sat 22-Dec-18 13:22:24

A nice card doesn't cost much, and it's the least he could do

MissAdventure Sat 22-Dec-18 13:32:02

Well, I don't set much store on cards myself, so I can sort of see his point of view.
It is mean though, in light of the fact that others receive gifts and cards.

EllanVannin Sat 22-Dec-18 13:42:51

My advice would be not to expect anything and if you should it would be a bonus. It's not really a given and I would much rather see money spent on the children. Admittedly a card wouldn't go amiss but as for presents leave them to the children.
Anyone who's struggling would also be embarrassed at not being in a position for extra expenditure if working on a budget.

Buffybee Sat 22-Dec-18 14:07:00

Well, I'm sorry but I would be very upset if my children did not at the very least send me a Christmas card.
What do they cost?
You can get a pack of them for a pound.
So, in my opinion, I would say that it's not about the money but he is being very disrespectful to you and if he was my Dson, I would be telling him that I was very disappointed with him.
I'm angry for you Gizmo!

gmelon Sat 22-Dec-18 14:13:08

Does your daughter in law do the gift buying?
I wonder if she thinks it odd that you receive nothing.
A lot of men rely on their female other half to remind them and encourage them to recognise birthdays.
It's not her responsibility it is his but she's involved too.
Maybe I'm out of fashion but my husband would never get round to choosing presents for his parents. He'd sort of know their Birthday and leave it until too late.

Mind you after a few years we realised that his parents were totally ignoring us if possible.

I would feel very left out in your position OP.
I'd have to be disturbed in secret for the sake of my relationship with my Grandchildren.

FlexibleFriend Sat 22-Dec-18 14:22:01

I don't buy or send cards and presents to my Sons anymore and they haven't bought me anything for ages either. They got fed up with me saying I didn't want anything or oh a cd will do ( going back a bit). The point is I buy whatever I want for myself so what's the point of them fretting trying to get me something I might like. I'd rather they didn't tbh. I think you should stop buying for him and his wife and just buy for the kids, I would anyway.

Dontaskme Sat 22-Dec-18 15:16:38

Don't buy them anything or send a card and use the money to treat yourself instead.

lemongrove Sat 22-Dec-18 15:20:17

Next year OP say that money is getting tight and you will be buying for your DGC only.
It’s disgraceful not to send you a card and gift.

Gizmogranny Sat 22-Dec-18 15:54:05

Thank you all so much for your input. Means a lot 😚

M0nica Sat 22-Dec-18 16:21:00

Yes I am another who thinks this behaviour is selfish and unkind.

Next year, do not say anything, just give the children presents and leave him and his wife off your present list, Do not say anything and then see if they notice. Perhaps you should be less willing to give them any help they ask for. They both sound selfish and should not be allowed to take advantage of you.

Madgran77 Sat 22-Dec-18 18:19:16

It does look rather like taking you for granted!

travelsafar Sat 22-Dec-18 18:26:26

It is so sad and hurtful the things our AC can do to us sad