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Christmas day !

(18 Posts)
brownie6 Fri 25-Oct-19 20:00:39

My daughter is married and every year for the last few years she has come over to mine with S on Christmas day, they stay till about lunch time and open their presents and I open mine then wizz off to see S parents and stay the night and all day the next day (Boxing day) ... I have asked them if they would like to have the day at mine, but it seems S`s mum has got in first with her invitation ... Now that they have adopted a child I understand they want to stay at home, but they asked me over in the morning then I have to go back and cook my Christmas lunch in the afternoon for my husband and myself, My X husband is going in the after noon so I will not be staying as he is all alone. ... I have no problem with this but feel hurt that each year it is S`s parents who see more of them and now little L ... please can you advise me if I am making to much a fuss etc ?

grapefruitpip Fri 25-Oct-19 20:04:29

Yes, you are. It's one day.

Bridgeit Fri 25-Oct-19 20:08:08

It’s understandable that you feel hurt, but there is nothing to be done but accept with good grace.
Why not cook your Christmas lunch the day before or the day after .
Tell them you love them & will miss them but to have a lovely time. Best wishes

etheltbags1 Fri 25-Oct-19 20:15:46

You can see them anytime over the long break. I only pop in for an hour to see my dgd. My dd has said they want their xmas day to im left with my mother. Dd and partner andcall for lunch on boxing day just for a couple of hours so i just make the most of it

Damdee Fri 25-Oct-19 20:31:31

I totally understand how you must feel. Can't you talk to your daughter to try to explain your feelings and ask if maybe next year you could share more time with her and S and little L on Christmas Day?

Sara65 Fri 25-Oct-19 21:24:24

Please don’t talk to her, you won’t want her to be with you out of guilt.

As Grapefruitpip said, it’s only one day, go with the flow.

agnurse Fri 25-Oct-19 21:29:30

Really, it's up to them. Seeing family at Christmas is a minefield for some people. The time they spend with someone else is, frankly, none of your business. You can arrange to see them at another time. It doesn't just have to be THE day.

Namsnanny Fri 25-Oct-19 21:41:15


I don't think your feelings are misplaced, our emotions are valid what ever. But maybe making a fuss would be?

Just smile this year and maybe have a low key conversation explaining your perspective much later on next year.

Try not to be too ridged in your thinking from now on, as their life changes so must yours!

If they feel under pressure to choose between you they may just stay on their own, in the future.

As someone said there are other days over the Christmas period you can get together.

Take no notice of the sharp replies you might get, the word Christmas brings it out in some people! smile

M0nica Fri 25-Oct-19 21:56:43

Quality not quantity, why do so many people constantly fret over who spends how much time with who, not just at Christmas, but all the rest of the year as well.

If you have a good and happy relationship with your daughter and couple of hours here and there really doesn't matter.

My DS and family live 200 miles away, DDiL's mother lives on the doorstep and has spent immeasurably more time with our grandchildren than we have. DDiL has an auto-immune disease and the support of her mother was invaluable when the children were under 5 and she was so unwell.

We are going up north for Halloween and will stay with DDiL's mother because we all now consider ourselves one family. This year they will spend Christmas with us and stay a week. Last year DDiL's mother was the hostess for Christmas and we did not see them until the 27th .

We have a wonderful relationship with DS and extended family and have never felt the need for a stop watch to time contact time..

whywhywhy Fri 25-Oct-19 21:57:02

Keep it the way it is because at least you see them. It's only one big overated day! Forget the big family scene sitting around a glowing fire eating the perfect meal - it doesn't bloody well exist!!enjoy!!!!

Namsnanny Sat 26-Oct-19 00:49:44

whywhywhy ...good reply smile

ElaineI Sat 26-Oct-19 00:54:45

Who is S

NannyKisses Sat 26-Oct-19 01:00:25

Any ideas if there’s a huge amount of difference in the New Van carpet cleaner.
There are soooo very many reviews giving every aspect 5 *. Some even said it is better than professional companies that they used last year. Em?? Don’t know what to believe. Shall I hire in a professional or buy a new vacuum. The ones we can are useless Iv tried them quite a few times before. Many thanks for your kind time x

ElaineI Sat 26-Oct-19 01:04:00

And is little L your grandchild? I think at these times go with the flow. Sounds great you are seeing them on Christmas morning so enjoy it then have a peaceful time in the afternoon and it will be an overwhelming time for little L if he/she has been adopted this year so best if they are at home. In fact probably best for all relatives to drop in for a short time then leave so they can concentrate on little L as a family.

ElaineI Sat 26-Oct-19 01:05:46

NannyKisses I think you have posted on the wrong thread!

NannyKisses Sat 26-Oct-19 01:09:41

I know I have. I’m terribly sorry I don’t know how to delete it ( embarrassing!! X

MissAdventure Sat 26-Oct-19 01:25:31

You won't be able to delete it NannyKisses, but don't worry about it; most of us have done it. smile

AllotmentLil Sat 26-Oct-19 15:47:27

You feel the way you feel brownie. I share some of your feelings as DDiL, DS and DGS go to her Dad on Christmas Day and come to us between Christmas and New Year because that’s what suits them. I would prefer to have everybody (including DD and partner and DGD who come on Christmas to Boxing Day) over Christmas itself and then heave a sigh of relief when all the hard work is over! But I have never, and will never, let them know this because I want us all to be together at some time over the Christmas holiday. I don’t think anybody has any idea how I feel! My advice is not to rock the boat and just enjoy every minute you have with your family. I hope you have a very happy and peaceful Christmas. flowers