Daughters partner

We had a good friend who was an alcoholic. He was not allowed in with any beer/vodka or if obviously drunk.

Any alcohol we had was locked away in the garage. We found it quite easy to be booze-free on days when he was here.

He was a nice chap when sober, though. He'd had a very sad childhood as his mother was an alcoholic too!

Can you not work at the relationship for the sake of your DD? Could you have a limited amount of alcohol around? In the long run you will miss out if things don't improve. Try and look for his good points and things you can admire. Try for your DD's sake. What does your DH think of him?

I suppose it depends what he is like when he's had a drink.
If he is reasonable then why not just accept it?
He is an adult, and its his choice, however unwise that is.

I feel deeply sorry for your daughter that you should hurt her in this way, especially at Christmas, simply because you dislike her chosen partner. Maybe he is a drinker and has a genuine problem - but that's for them to sort out, not you.

Of course 'she's accepted it' - what else can the poor lass do? You are clearly adamant in your opinions.

My mother did exactly^ the same to me and it ruined every important, family occasion (including our wedding day) and is something I shall never forgive.
I accepted it too because it was 'her way or no way'.

She was prepared to punish the innocent in order to punish the person she saw as 'guilty' by putting her own selfish ideas before my happiness and that of our sons.
She made my life a misery for years.

Be ready for her to side with her partner and stop attending parties if he is not invited as well

Tricky.

I don't think my parents were totally enamoured with my first husband

But they never made him feel unwelcome

I think I would plan some "dry" activites: e.g. boxing day brunch (early in the day so he cant pre-drink" and see how it goes having him at that.

It can be hard to gauge other people's "acceptable". See it from his point of view: you provide alcohol but its wrong when he drinks it! His family may see it as impolite to turn down a drink at Christmas IYKWIM.

Dry ideas:
NY day walk
Breakfast
Meeting for festive hot chocolates
Christmas craft fayres
Tree shopping