Bad Christmas dinners

Far too many bad xmas dinners to list always cooked by me. My MIL told me on my wedding day that I was making xmas dinner every year from then on and I dreaded doing it. Apart from undercooked turkey, burnt gravy, not so crisp roasts, what upset me most was being kept waiting. Even though I was told to have dinner ready for 12.15 sometimes it was 2 pm when in-laws came. Another time with all food drying out in oven they arrived at 3.15 and said they'd eaten at Son 2s house. On another occasion OH went out for drink with neighbours didnt get back until 3 promptly slumped at table which collapsed under weight along with our dinners. I now buy a three bird roast oven ready and hope for the best (inlaws now departed) and OH no longer goes for a drink.

Daddima. Years ago I had a recipe for making a cheesecake using Dream Topping. It was so delicious! Cannot find the recipe now.

One Christmas my FIL was staying with us for the holiday period and my Mum was collected to spend the day together with other relatives. Unfortunately DH went down with flu but children rallied round, boys entertaining the guests and daughter helping with the cooking. However I soon became aware that mother was holding everyone spellbound by relating all the embarrassing episodes of my life. All this had to be told to my DH, on his sickbed, our DD and I dashing in with the latest traumas alternatively weeping or helpless with laughter. Dinner was served, Mum decided she was starting a diet that day and had a very small portion. That resulted in her feeling hungry two hours later, FIL said he couldn't eat for a week. But I was well prepared and had made and frozen a stack of sandwiches a week before. I did not know that sandwiches need to be frozen between layers of greaseproof paper. The bread stuck together and the sandwiches parted at the filling. They had to be eaten with a knife and fork! On the upside DH said that it was the most entertaining Christmas he had known.

When my daughter was 9 and my son was 7 we all had the flu except her. I cooked a dinner but nobody ate it, we all lay about feeling terrible and she found the bottle of wine, drank it and went to sleep on the stairs!

Close friend had cooked her turkey - beautifully - and left it in the kitchen, lightly covered with foil. She came back in to find the cat clamped to the turkey, gnawing it . As she relayed to me later, she didn't happen to have another one cooked and to hand, and the family were sitting expectantly poised, so she swiped the cat off the turkey, sawed off the chewed bit, and carried on.

Merrily sitting around playing Monopoly on Christmas Eve with the family, when we heard a strange growling noise. Everyone trooped into the kitchen to find the two dogs had knocked the turkey off the work surface where it was defrosting and were competing to tear it limb from limb and eat the raw bird! Unfortunately this proved a bit of a disaster for their digestions. I wont elaborate on what greeted us Christmas morning, but suffice to say the dogs had to be banished outside for the duration and we had burning joss sticks all over the house to fight the stench. Eventually we sat down to Christmas lunch of a very small chicken plus fish fingers - the sole contents of the freezer.

My paternal Gran always came to us for Xmas dinner and ALWAYS took her false teeth out and put the bottom set on one side of her plate and the top set on the other side.

It was all I could do not to wretch......

Sorry for the sad tales on here eg NinaRosa
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But the others have been wonderful to read - just so funny I have been giggling away here -

Trying to eat 2 turkey dinners in one day!
The frozen turkey in the tumble drier with the wet jeans!
The forks where the plastic ends came off!
Sar65 deadpan’s i think it may be this year

Brilliant. Just brilliant.
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Thank you so much everyone!

We started the day some years ago with my dad being ill and throwing up all over me. He ended up being taken to hospital. My DD and I went to be with him by which time he felt better and was sent home. At home I had DS, DiL and her mother, my mother and DH. How I got the meal on the table I will never know. Needless to say by the end of Christmas we had all had the bug!

First Christmas with young baby, we went to my mother's flat, with my sister and her husband. The three men went to the pub, but when they came back ready for lunch, the turkey had been revolving in their new rotisserie oven...with the heat turned off! It was a long wait for dinner, and my mother disappeared into the bedroom finishing some knitting.
I am ashamed now that I wasnt more sympathetic, after following the thread on loss of cooking confidence as we get older

My husband had recently had a stroke and was in zombie mode. My mother in law was recently widowed, and feeling tearful. My uncle had recently lost his wife, and looked totally lost. Sat them in front of an old film on TV while daughter and self tried to cook Christmas dinner, not helped by drinking too much sherry!

My son was born exactly one week before Christmas. I came home on Christmas Eve. DH cooked the turkey and all the trimmings! Slices of turkey breast intertwined with melted giblet bag that he had left inside the bird, certainly made for a chewy Christmas Dinner!!

We lived in the grounds of a huge house, and at Xmas it was the custom of those living in the grounds to use the House fridges and freezers.

I purchased a large fresh turkey, and asked my hubby to pop it in the House fridge. Come Xmas day I asked DH to collect turkey ready for stuffing and cooking. He duly went over to the House, returning with our Turkey. 'Will this defrost in time for cooking'? He asked, 'ha ha' I responded, assuming he was joking. But no, DH had only gone and stuck our fresh turkey in the freezer!

I will admit it took my breath away. After the initial panic, I tore off into Hounslow, where fortunately the Halal Butcher was open. That second turkey was the best Turkey we have ever eaten!

The year we were married my new husband had to work on Christmas day. I invited another lady in the same position to come to me for the day. We bought a chicken which we didn't know how to cook. She put a whole packet of lard in the cavity. We cooked it for as long as we thought we should. It tasted ok but in the middle of the night I was violently vomiting. She was ok. I definitely had food poisoning but at just 20 years old I bounced back.

We had 24 people turn up one year when I thought only 14 were invited. I was expecting my second child with 2 year old running about. Thank goodness my lovely mam and dear MIL helped out. But it was so stressful for me that I didn't eat a thing! That was 43 years ago and I've never made a meal for such a large amount again!

My teenage daughter, recently having moved to her own flat, invited all the family; parents, grandparents and cousin to Christmas dinner. I arrived a few hours earlier to help out only to find her still in bed recovering from a hangover. I can't say it was the worst dinner I have ever tasted but it was certainly the fastest prepared, cooked and served!

The year my husband decided to send me to Coventry for some perceived slight on Christmas Eve . He ate his dinner, saying not a word to me or our teenage son. I was desperately trying to achieve a normal conversational atmosphere around the table, which was no mean feat during three long long courses. I hoped my act was good enough for my son not to twig.
Fast forward to late evening. Husband in a trance like state , still. I picked up each of his presents, from me, unwrapped each one , and in turn threw them at him as he sat watching tv.
Unfortunately this was not a one-off performance , New Year's Eve was next on his hit list.

We did have one year with a dozen guests and no toilet (outlet pipe well and truly frozen). Luckily we had an understanding next door neighbour who was away for the day and gave us her key.

Fingers crossed for you, Sara65. I hope they get it sorted early on Christmas Eve morning!

We got through Christmas dinner okay, but then had to ring for an ambulance for DH, who was in bed having an asthma attack (after sweeping the stairs with a dustpan and brush, as you do when you have a dust mite allergy!) and obviously deteriorating fast. He had to be carried out on a stretcher over all the toys and presents in front of the assembled relatives and children. Once I'd waved him on his way I went back to the guests to find that DMIL and a couple of the aunties had unloaded the packed-to-the-ginnels-and-ready-to-go dishwasher and were washing everything by hand.

When I got to the hospital later, DH was the only one on the festively decorated ward and was being royally spoilt by nurses in paper hats. He was absolutely fine after using a nebuliser, but was kept in for four days, "just in case". Different times! [smile}

I think it may be this year, the Aga caught fire last night for some bizarre unexplained reason, they say they will try to get out on Christmas Eve, even if it’s fixed it will take twelve hours to get up to temperature, if it’s not fixed, I’ll have 10 guests eating sandwiches and no hot water!

My MIL was a fabulous-but martyred-cook. They lived in a lovely big house. MIL wouldn’t accept any help so we sat down in the most awful atmosphere-never again!

Finding HALF a worm in my veggies.

One Christmas day all our electricity went off and we had no idea when it would come back on. The turkey had been in the oven for about an hour and we were expecting 8 people for dinner. We live in the country so we walked to our nearest neighbour to see if they had electricity and they were also off but had an Aga oven which used coal and they offered to cook our turkey as soon as their duck was cooked. We then phoned our family who had electricity and agreed we would take everything there to be cooked. A bit of a shock for daughter's mother in law. Good job we did as the electricity didn't return till 8 pm.

On my first Xmas day with my new husband, I’d bought him a pair of beige ‘desert style’ boots.
He was wearing them as he took the goose out of the oven and managed to get his new boots covered in goose fat??