Why can I not give my grandchildren presents?

This generation of young parents seem to be becoming control freaks. We've always had parents making rules for their kids, but it's only in the last couple of decades I've become aware of them thinking they can make rules for the rest of the family too. It's really just too cheeky for words to tell people how they can present their own gifts. Were we not strict enough with our kids that they are thinking THEY can control US now?

So when her kids stop believing that Santa brings the presents does that mean they don't get anything??

Anyway,this might all be aside as we might be still in lockdown- so there will be no one there when presents are opened but the girls & their parents will there? Also even if its 'rule of 6' only then your GS won't be there as well if we are not allowed big family gatherings? So this really could be a moot point! Why is every one thinking we still are ALL going to be gathered round the trees come christmas?Thats also madness unless you actually WANT the virus to stay forever?!?

They are too young right now so I wouldn't worry about it- but yes id give my grandson his present separately (maybe call him in the kitchen or somewhere& explain its cause the little girls still believe in santa) But in our family the younger ones who still believe also think that we get the gifts and santa then collects them to deliver on xmas morning.(with maybe one or two signed 'from santa' as well!) It works well for the tiny ones and of course by time they get to 7ish (one of my GS was 5-6) they soon learn at school from others that he doesnt really exist! Some older ones just go along with the pretence either for sake of younger siblings, or so they carry on getting presents they want?- which i presume is what's happening with any older ones in your D in L's family?What i dont understand is why your own son (and all their other halves in her family) are going along with this charade for so long!Nor why they aren't allowed to have their own opinions/beliefs?! Maybe for the teeny tiny kids yes but surely any others must know the truth by now?! Its sheer craziness! ?Don't worry they WILL learn the truth at school.Then you could say well your mum still believes in him so we do it for her- but i bought you the 'such&such'-but maybe when on your own.?

I see you're partner-blaming, but it wouldn't have been impossible for your son to say "well in MY family the tradition is...." Then he and she could have compromised with her family giving gifts from santa only and his family giving named gifts. Give your gifts to the other son's family, with your names on, separately, and tell them to pretend to their cousins that they came from santa not grandma. Tell them "it's their family tradition to lie about these things" . The last sentence is a joke, btw :P

Presents were never put under the tree as I grew up, I did live in an unsavoury neighbourhood though, with a high chance of them getting nicked.
I did the same with my children, all presents locked in the big wardrobe and we used to lug them downstairs on Christmas Eve. And on Christmas morning the sound of,”he’s been”.

We always had the Christmas presents in one big sack for each of our children when they were young asking people to let us have them prior to the day. What we did, however, was to have the labels clearly on them so we could say for example “look what Grandma has asked Santa to bring you”. We were then able to write to each sender. This is a tradition from when I was a child and dd does the same with gc but each knows who asked Santa. We then also had a stocking with lots of little presents just from Santa.

Is it not possible Liverbird66 your son and partner could do the same? The only consolation if at all is that all presents are treated the same.

I do have one other little idea. My mil was not entirely happy with our tradition so she used to put some presents round her Christmas tree in her house and say Santa had left them there. This would be unique to you and your house and the gc will always associate it with you.

Well, I presume the son is in agreement with the arrangement.

I really feel for you, Liverbird66. It is horrible feeling so hurt by a DiL. But she rules the roost and I think you just have to wait until your GCs stop believing in FC.

My GC find presents under many trees as FC got muddle with the addresses. Parents, grandparents x2, godparents x2 and the parents’ friends. My presents now, for Christmas and birthday for one set of GC are lessons, judo, dancing or tennis. Every time they go their mother says it’s from granny.
A 7 year old knows FC doesn’t exist from school.
But if they don’t accept that do as doodledog suggested, buy a small C present and a more expensive birthday one.

Liverbird66, the right thing to do is to respect the parents' wishes. I don't remember caring where my presents came from when I was little!

Things are bound to change as the children grow up.

I would go along with their wishes, at least for this year. People are stressed enough right now, without raising issues. The children are too young to know the difference anyway. I would then have a friendly chat with the parents well before next Christmas, and explain your difficulties. If these refuse to change you will just have to go along with what they want to do. Their children. Their rules.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

When my children were growing up , Santa’s presents were the unwrapped ones which appeared on Christmas Day. “Santa doesn’t have time to wrap all the presents for all the children in the world!” The wrapped presents they knew came from mum and dad, grandparents etc. I thought that they then ‘got’ the idea of giving /receiving gifts by doing this.

I used to stick to everything coming from Santa until one year DS announced that Daddy (ex husband and usually absent parent) had bought him XX and I hadn’t given him anything. When I listed everything he got from Santa he pointed out that wasn’t me. That was the end of presents from Santa.

My son and daughter-in-law had this idea few years ago with my then two very young grandchildren , but when I’d said that it would look like I’ve not bought them anything and that would look very unkindly , I’d also added that I’d always looked forward with excitement to opening the presents I’d received from my own grandparents on Christmas Day when I were young child , they then had change of heart .
Personally I think that grandparents play such an important role in their grandchildren’s lives that it’s a very sad situation when they believe that Gran & Gramps don’t give them Xmas gifts . This belief involves the whole family and can lead to many upsets .

It seems a mean thing to do. Can only her family can have traditions?
Christmas is a lot more than presents from a man in a red suit.
Where will your grandchildren think the presents have come from when they realise it's fake news?

We all get together early January for "Christmas 2" as we cannot do it over Christmas. They will still not allow gifts to the girls on this day either.

Love all the advice, you have all given me a lot to think about. Thank you xx

Maybe you could start a new tradition and give presents on New Year's Day?

If the whole family is regularly together on Christmas Day, next year the 3 year old will probably ask why her cousin gets a present and she doesn't.

I'd like to see your son and daughter-in-law answering that one!

Grin and bear it this year and next. It won't last for ever.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six, so will they.

Yes my daughter in law is very controlling of me (I am alone so have no back up ) and my son acquiesces. No presents or clothes I send are ever recognized, it’s upsetting and embarrassing and son just says he doesn’t know...so now the girls are 8 and 6 I sadly no longer send them stuff as I know it annoys her, apparently she is never in when parcels arrive even in lockdown. I sometimes get stuff through when it is small enough to go through letter box... but really it is no a battle so I will have to wait till they grow up.
She also reprimanded me when I sent a lovely originally designed Tolkien advent calendar that he had designed for his grandchild... it was so lovely. She told me not to do that as she has her own advent calendar which she uses. And when I tried to pass on the lovingly washed and separated by colour jars of LEGO which my son so adored and was so addicted to she said no thank you her mother had bought some at s charity shop. Each time it is like a spear to your heart I can’t believe how she can be so heartless as she is so sentimental in general...but I have come to accept it as we have to. She hasn’t gone so far as making gifts only come from Santa... or has she? My son phoned me last week and said they wanted to buy the girls tablets for Xmas which were quite expensive would I contribute ... I said yes of course and sent £100. I don’t think they will say, nor will it seem relevant to tell them I contributed... but I kind of understand.
I liked the comment above that they were CF’s the c for cheeky. Good job we’ve got each other to laugh with and roll our eyes.

It's honestly not worth getting agitated about this now. Your GC will eventually get wise to the fact that everything has to be bought by someone and then things will have to change. Just enjoy being with them on the day if you get a chance. Most of us won't even be able to do that this year.

Quite agree, Trisher. We always taught our children that Christmas was about giving as well as getting and from an early age they made or chose gifts for close family and their own particular friends, as well as something for the Gift Service in York Minster on Christmas Eve. Stocking at some unearthly hour on Christmas morning, family gifts exchanged after breakfast, and anything else after tea, so that there was some chance of presents being appreciated and the donor thanked in person. Interestingly, DD followed a similar pattern when DGD1 was young.

DILs often rule the roost. What they says goes regarding their Christmas routines. They don’t see any irony in their behaviour when dictating to me.
I would just keep my mouth tight shut as your DIL could stop you from even seeing your GC. There are enough heartbroken GPs on here, to serve as a warning.
Or you can say politely that you have decided to save the money that you would spend on presents for them, and you can give it to them when they are older. That should start a war. Lol