Awful presents

Buying rubbish gifts e.g. domestic appliances like irons & hoovers is one thing, or cheap nasty stuff, but wrapping-up something from your own jewellery box is downright odd and horrible behaviour!

Your husband sounds horrible Quizzer and to say that men can be notoriously bad at buying gifts is making excuses for him. Why should that be the case any more than women ? ,To give you a gift for his camera was awful, giving something you already owned even worse.
I think you need to think about what your husband thinks of you to do these things. I hope he treats you better generally than this post suggests.

What a cheek ! so now you go out and buy yourself something YOU want ...not need, WANT ...as in something you wouldn't normally spend money on ..............you can produce it / wear it on Christmas day and say hey, do you like the present I bought myself ? ......and don't give him anything !

I don't think the gift is important. It is the spirit in which it is given and accepted. Maybe a little appreciation is need here....

We don't buy each other much now as we have enough but when I was younger we used to have a lovely day out shopping and having lunch in order to buy my birthday present - usually jewellery - which I chose and he then hid. We loved the day out, I got a lovely gift and he enjoyed the lunch. Win win! He occasionally bought me a small secret gift - usually earrings which were always lovely as he knew my taste well from all the shopping trips! It worked for us.

Oh bless your heart. Dont even know how to reply to OP. I would have been gutted. As others have said why not buy yourself things you would like, on his credit card if you have it, or just give him the bill. I always got loads of “stuff”, most of which was returned. I once got a set of saucepans. And an electric knife. I once asked for a set of 4 plain white mugs and got 6 black/ white/ red patterned ones. No idea why. And one
year I said please no Thorntons chocolates ad its not a brand I like. So what did I get instead? THREE LARGE boxes of ..... Thorntons chocolates. They were on an offer too good to miss apparently and nice big boxes so looked good when wrapped ... Yeah. Right! Ended up taking them into work after Christmas. This year Ive bought myself a couple of things out of Waterstones that I knew he would never get - one of them a 5 year gratitude diary ironically !! Put it on his credit card Win Win situation. Just dreading the large rectangular box.......

Totally agree with Hithere.
I would’ve given him the sack years ago (after receiving the lens for HIS camera-unbelievable..!) You have tolerated this offhand and unthoughtful behaviour for far too long. He needs it spelling out to him, what is acceptable, what is unacceptable. Please don’t put up with it any longer. It’s NOT ok..

my hubby is the same, one xmas he got me 1 x LUSH bath bomb because I told him I liked LUSH bath bombs he spent the whole last Saturday before xmas in town from 8am till 5pm, and got me 1 x bath bomb!?! I did spend 10 mins in the toilet crying after I opened it on xmas day, he could have bought a bath bomb box set at least! We have agreed we no longer buy each other gifts for xmas, birthdays, anniversaries, whatever as I cannot handle the grumps and mood swings he gets into before any occasion at having to shop for pressy, and the constant disappointment with how little effort, or little he actually knows me and what I like, easier to just forget about it all. If I want something I just buy it for myself now, no point anticipating a romantic gesture. We have been married 5 yrs!

I understand different views on Christmas presents, but personally, I love the whole choosing, wrapping and giving experience! I really feel for you, Quizzer, because I know how much it would upset me, too. My ex husband was dreadful - one Christmas many years ago, he gave me a peep-hole bra and matching open-crotch knickers! I was mortified, especially as I opened it in mixed company!! And he wasn't even remotely that way inclined!! Another year, (when we were in our 20s), he gave me the frumpiest dress I had ever seen, that even now in my 60s, I wouldn't be seen dead in! (And no, it wasn't because of my reaction to the undies!) Another year, all I got was one of those carbon monoxide alarms that HE wanted! I've since been remarried 20 years now, and my now husband is wonderful in general. But he does struggle with present-buying. We give each other suggestions which helps enormously, and I make sure I give him quite a long list, so that I have no idea what he'll get and it'll still be a lovely surprise. However, there have been a couple of exceptions. Nothing on a par with you though, Quizzer! You're obviously a kind person to not say anything in front of others, I don't think I could be so kind!! Perhaps a list is the way to go, but if he won't go for that, it may be something you have to accept. However, don't accept it graciously. Don't get him anything at all - regardless of whether that makes him sad, annoyed or indifferent, you should just spend the money you've saved, on something you would like. I know it's not the same, because I would feel like you. I'm sending you huge early Christmas hugs. And if you private message me your address, I would like to send you a surprise Christmas present to open on Christmas Day. I mean it - I love choosing Christmas presents for people, and I'd love to give you a happy surprise!!

My ex was useless at present buying and got me wheel trims for my car one year. Why wait for Xmas to give a stupid gift like that. My friends got perfume, jewellery, etc. Stupid wheel trims!!

We are busy buying our own Christmas presents at the moment but will give them to each other to wrap up - me when they arrive, DH on Christmas Eve with the paper I leave out for him. Doesn't bother either of us.

I feel for you , Quizzer. I think your husband is mean and selfish. Having said this, I think men are rubbish at gifts due to a lack of empathy. My partner couldn’t understand why I didn’t want him to buy his ex perfume for Christmas. It was our first Christmas together. I remind him of this when he buys me perfume and he shudders at his thoughtlessness. You should tell your husband how you feel and try to make him see how hurt you are. I’d wrap a pair of his socks from his drawer for Christmas and buy yourself s treat with the money you save.

The last Christmas with my now exDH he asked me to buy what I wanted - I bought a lovely bedroom mirror but never got the money for it. That was 25+ years ago - perhaps I should give up expecting it

My OH and I do not exchange gifts at xmas or birthdays anymore.

I used to buy him a present when it was a a milestone birthday.
For his 40th I bought him much longed for cherished number plates for his car.
For my 40th he bought a tatty bunch of petrol station flowers which he dashed out to buy on the day.

For his 50th I booked his dream holiday, four days in New York and four days in Las Vegas including helicopter flight with breakfast in the Grand Canyon.
For my 50th he bought me -nothing.

For his 60th I bought him nothing, he was extremely shocked and upset but I think he got the message!
For my 60th I saved up and treated myself to a 5* holiday in Barbados. It was fabulous but he complained A LOT about how much it cost - it was my money!!

I'll never buy anything for him again.

DH and I don’t buy each other gifts for Christmas or birthdays.
He has fishing fees due at the beginning of December, so he considers payment of those his gift for both. I just get what I like, when I want or need it, but I can’t say I’d show him or refer to it as my Chrissy Present. We’ve a DGS, 2DDs and DH has family some distance away - I get a list and just get what they all want.
It’s a personal thing I know, but we’ve never been ‘heavy’ on Birthdays, Christmas or Anniversaries.

Hithere

Quizzet

It is not a "men's thing", it is a mean, inconsiderate, selfish, rude... thing.

I bet he also mistreats you in other ways.

Put a stop to it, you deserve way better than this

Completely agree. I’d have thrown it at him. It’s a horrible thing to do. Nasty man.

My ex tried his best but never managed to get me anything I liked, although of course I pretended I dud and at least the presents were things I could use. His worst crime was announcing to the whole table at Christmas that I'd only bought him a book, completely omitting to mention the very expensive rowing machine that I'd given him in advance because he was desperate to have it. Besides the book on Christmas morning I'd also given him several stocking filler gifts, including expensive aftershave.
I was furious with him for trying to portray me as mean in front of the whole family. I did put them right by the way.

I meant to add sometimes men just don’t take the bait when you give them a hint. It’s also a good idea to buy something and bill them for it later and as some have suggested add an extra nought to the cost.

When did all present giving get so expensive? very many years ago I was told about a young man having his shoes mended for christmas! Dreadfully poor times.
I remember as a schoolgirl wanting a small attache case for christmas that a lot of children had. I got one but it was a 'cheaper' model so disappointed! anyone remember childhood presents?

Is your husband worth hanging on to, or should you divorce him?

My advice is to live out of the freezer saving money until you have a little nest egg and buy a really nice ring for yourself. Not a cheap little one from Argos and wear it and enjoy it as you deserve it.

Oh Quizzer there are some very kind comments on here. Being more cynical I think he suddenly realised he’d get shown up in front of the in-laws because he hadn’t bought you anything, so wrapped up your ring. He sounds completely selfish and, unless you are willing to buy something for yourself, I’d agree with him that you don’t buy for each other and tell him it’s because he’s never yet put any thought into choosing your present.

I used to work with somebody whose husband got her a bedside cabinet for Christmas, when all she really wanted and had been hinting about to him for months because he was useless at buying presents was that she wanted a microwave (a new thing then!). When she saw the present under the tree all wrapped up she was really excited because the box was the right size. When she opened it and it was a bedside cabinet she was so mad that she spontaneously picked up the new pair of shoes she’d got him, exactly to his spec., and threw them on the fire!

He certainly got the hint - maybe some direct action is what’s needed here?

As my DH has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I knew there was little chance of him buying a present for me. I didn't really want to buy one for myself, from him, so DD has taken on the job...using her Dad's credit card! So my present will be a surprise.
Surely OP's DH could have used a bit of imagination instead of rummaging in her jewel box.

Years ago my DH went to Jersey on a rugby tour and asked if I would like him to bring me a present. I said I would like a watch but something a little different from the one I already have and showed it to him. Guess what, unbelievably he bought me an exact! replica.

For Christmas and birthdays I tell our DD what I would like from him, either she or I buy it, she wraps it and hides it in his wardrobe so he can give it to me on the day.