Awful presents

My father in law used to go to the bank and draw out cash.
Then on Christmas day he'd sit in his chair, pull out the wad of notes, and solemnly count out some money and hand it over to each person, one by one.
I found this highly embarrassing at first, but at least no one got a gift they didn't want. Eventually I found it amusing.
Some people just don't 'get' the art of giving. I think they are missing out on what, to most of us, is a pleasure - watching someone you love open something you've given them and seeing their delight.
Ask for money?

Wrapping up a ring you already owned is certainly odd. Being charitable, it could perhaps be viewed as a cry for help!
For whatever reason, he clearly can't work out how to do presents.
I think getting him something you want could backfire. Better to find a compromise.
Tell him you've been wondering what to get him for Christmas and have realised as he's often found choosing presents difficult, you wondered about doing it differently. You could offer two or three approaches and ask him to choose ( probably best not to just ask him for his ideas on how to do it). For example: go shopping together and each get something you want ( option to wrap and give at Christmas or not); each find something you want ( or a couple of options) online and ask each other to order and wrap it; have a meal out or weekend away or trip to theatre at a time which suits you. If the chosen option doesn't involve giving a big present on Christmas day/ birthday you could always agree a wee packet/ box of favourite sweeties as a standard present.
Hopefully he'll be relieved to have an approach he can cope with.
Everyone has different views of what demonstrates love to their partner and giving presents seems to be one where folk can be poles apart.
If you have a good relationship in other ways, count your blessings and tell him how much you appreciate the things he does get right.
Good luck.

In the early years of our marriage DH always gave me 1 present, always something electrical. I did not mind if it was a hairdryer, or tongs, but was not best pleased with a toastie maker, fancy food mixer or deep fat fryer. The year that our 1st baby was due, we agreed to buy one present each with a price limit. I bought him the newly produced Guinness Book of Records (because I knew he would love it). He bought me the Guinness Book of Records (because he knew he would love it).

Once our 2 DDs reached 10 and 12, I began to get lovely, 'just what I wanted', presents from "him".

We need a new computer. The current one is theoretically mine, having been given to me several christmases ago (well sort of, we went and got it in the post xmas sales). Except it is used by ds and dh far more than me, while I use my smartphone for things like gransnet. I have identified a computer which dh said he would pay for so I was waiting for hin to order it. Except he seemed to think it would be my xmas present again. I may have had a tantrum about that!!

I amazed at all the hopeless husbands on here! And of course they shouldn't be able to get away with it as a "man thing."

I would feel quite insulted if my hustband did that to me. If there are two occasions during the year whereby you show your appreciation for the one you love it is Christmas & Birthdays. Do you not have older children who could have a word with him?
Know your worth Quizzer...if you dont know your worth then no one else will.. xx

Toadinthehole

Another ‘present’ post. I’ll say the same here as the other thread! When you just buy for children, it makes life so much easier?

For me it doesn't! I do buy for all the adults and children in my family and I would hate it to be different.
My problem is trying to get ideas of what to do buy my 4 great nieces and nephews. I found out the other day that one of my niece-in-laws doesn't like lists but I don't want to get presents for her children that they don't want. It usually ends up with book tokens as I know they like those but I would love to be able to actually buy a present that they want.

At first I thought I was a joke, but as I read the whole post I realised it wasn’t, I’ve never heard of anything like this before, I’m lost for words, I can’t get my head around why he would ever do it and think it was acceptable,

I have a wonderful husband who I love to the moon and back. Whenever I want something he will say - just get it love. However he has never been great at choosing presents. For our second Christmas togeher he bought me an electric carving knife!!! He got a tool box for his birthday!! He has been doing something right over the years though as we have been married 47 years.

My mum always buys her own present and gives to dad to wrap (and pay for).

I use the Notes app on my iPad and make a list, along with links and prices. I also have a separate list with lower value items for family: stepkids/MiL. I then share the note with DH.

Just means there’s no disappointment then.

Quizzer, I wonder at your husband's motive. I'd want to ask him why he gave you that as a 'present'. Maybe you did ask him. If so what did he say?

I can only guess. If he is a reasonable man in other ways I'd guess he takes dim view of such rituals, perhaps thinks they are boring nonsense, and is frustrated you cannot see Xmas his way. That incident with the ring is perhaps a cry for help, trying to show you how unimportant ritualised gift- giving is .

That is the only reason I can suggest.

Oh QUIZZER..... I'm literally speechless apart from I truly admire your self control. I would have chucked it across the room. Such a creepy thing for him to do. Ugh

We have a family secret Santa which both me and hubby are in for £100 which got me a ?when I mentioned it on another thread but that figure was setby everyone in the group which is 8 people so if you were buying for each one that would be £12:50 each ! Then the person gets one really nice present we all have little secret groups deciding what the person would like which is nice x also stops receiving crap presents as one friend of mine likes to call them !

By and large, Xmas presents from my DH over the past 50years have never been glamorous/exciting/frivolous etc....They are usually “useful”...eg a set of wooden spatulas..or tea cloths ...or a box of chocolates -if I’m really lucky! They were never even wrapped in X paper...just in a bag! He’s never been good at birthday gifts either. He claims he doesn’t like shopping...

So....I usually buy my own gift,something I like and he pays for it! ( This year it’s a dressing gown!)

I-on the other hand - buy him gifts, suitably wrapped, for his birthday in December-plus gifts for Xmas Day...hoping the idea might rub off on him...?

Are you still buying presents for dh? I would instead buy yourself a Christmas present. Wrap it and put it under the tree and open it Christmas morning

A lot of my friends go shopping with their husbands and partners to buy her present together. Then the husband has help and guidance and the women gets something she wants or is appropriate. Make a day of it together then that can also be part of your present.
I have had birthday and Xmas presents every year from my husband some have been brilliant and some have not. I'm sure he would say the same about mine.

T think it was one of the reasons that my parents had a pact not to give each other presents!
From my ex husband, I should have guessed that things were going downhill when he bought me a food processor (that he broke 2 weeks later) and then the following year a recipe book ( because he thought I'd like the pictures!)
I got my own back the last Christmas we were together and gave him a list of about 20 items that I had seen while shopping at various times and said that he could choose from that - he bought me every single item (including several pieces of jewellery) and a month later he moved out!
Yes, I do still wear the jewellery - after all, I chose it because I liked it!

I hope you make the same paltry effort for his gifts Quizzer as he deserves no less. He sounds worse than mean. When you opened his 'present' in front of others you kept quiet as you obviously didn't want to cause difficulties in front of an audience.

Many a wife would have blown a gasket and called him out on it. You obviously have a very long fuse or are so used to this that it seems normal. Has he any redeeming features?

One of my gifts one year was a box of home hair dye! I thought it was a joke but he’d gone through my cupboards to find the correct brand etc. He did buy me other things as well but this is the one I will never forget! I remind him every year! He still thinks it’s fine as it’s something I use, lol.

You're telling me Toadinthehole----when there are 7 GGC !

You could always get a pair of his old socks out of his drawer, wrap them up for him for Christmas? That was a rotten thing to do, taking your ring and wrapping it. I might actually wonder if he'd gone a bit potty if my DH did that. We have always asked each other for a small list of presents that we'd like for birthdays/Christmas. Just a couple of cds or books or dvd sets, something like that. Otherwise, we just consider the seasonal special treats like chocolates, mulled wine, and cakes etc that we have to be part of our joint presents to ourselves/each other.

Another ‘present’ post. I’ll say the same here as the other thread! When you just buy for children, it makes life so much easier?

We don't exchange presents for birthdays or Xmas or anniversary.
If we find something the other would like we tend to buy it and give it over then.
I don't feel like we are missing out at all

Hithere

Quizzet

It is not a "men's thing", it is a mean, inconsiderate, selfish, rude... thing.

I bet he also mistreats you in other ways.

Put a stop to it, you deserve way better than this

I absolutely agree.....

My sister has refused to buy me Kindle books but she would have no problem with buying me an actual book! I just don't get what the problem is. She has bought me some very unsuitable presents in the past (like one of those jigsaw things that you can carry around with an unfinished jigsaw in but so heavy that I couldn't manage it!) I just don't want people buying me things that aren't any use to me and wasting their money. If they can't or won't buy me something that's on my wishlist I would rather the money go to charity.