Awful presents

Exactly!
We suggested we should stop sending presents, but she was very offended at the idea; really cross.

So each boxing day we would put on our jumpers (padded shoulders, little penguins, sewn in brooches, and always in the wrong size) and think of her.

and that is the trouble with spending money on gifts for people! They will not like it so save your money!

My aunt always bought my mum, my daughter, and me a new jumper each christmas, so we would wear them on boxing day.
Sorry auntie Pam, but they gave us a laugh.

Wow! I thought my DH was bad but he's bloody marvellous compared to that! Giving you your own ring just leaves me speechless! And as for buying you a lens for his camera...

One year I really wanted DH to take me to a fancy dress party at Christmas, but it wasn't his thing. So he bought me a book on how to make fancy dress costumes. INSTEAD. err...

I would help him buy your presents in some way, or buy your own to be frank. This year I sent DH a link to some yarn I wanted when it was on sale and let him pick the colours but told him not too boring and gave him a rough idea of quantities. I'm actually really quite excited to see what colours he picked. (this could be a mistake but I knit and crochet a lot so whatever I get will get used.) The only other thing I wanted was a torch from amazon, but he never got around to making himself an amazon account, as he just gets me to order stuff he wants, so I had to order it myself and instruct him to check it works then wrap it up.

No presents for adults now in the family at any time . We get nothing at all at Christmas but are quite happy with that. If we really want something we just treat ourselves . Many years ago I got a cheque for a hundred pounds from my DH . It was a lot of money but came from our joint account so meant nothing to me . It was better than the one windscreenwiper ( for my side of the car ) I got one year. I enjoy buying for the GC but am so glad not to have to buy for the others though DD who is chldless gets a cheque .

Agree Tweedle. I havnt read the whole thread but have noticed there does seem to be a fair amount of knee jerk reactions relating to family relationships on GN. I don’t know why you would end a long marriage merely because of dissatisfaction with gifts....or go immediately no contact with parents who annoy or irritate, it seems to be the first thing some recommend rather than a last resort.

We don’t exchange gifts at all now, but have had some real horrors over the years.

I was one of the posters showing some sympathy for the husband. I was amazed at the number of people suggesting she “ditch him”. She has not complained about anything else he does that upsets her. To me it reads as though this a particular problem she has with him, nothing else. She has been married to him for long enough to know if she needs to “ditch him”.
I may be completely wrong but, so might those who appear to think she is married to some sort of monster. There are quite a lot of assumptions being made.

What a horrible situation.I totally sympathise. But don't sit and let it upset you, Quizzer, take action.

Buy what you really want (and make it expensive and gorgeous), wrap it up and address it to you from the DH and 'find' it under the tree on Christmas Day.

My husband always asks me what I would like. He used to buy jewellery (I don’t wear much). A few years ago we agreed not to buy each other gifts, we just have things we want as we go through the year. Secretly I would love an imaginative surprise gift, but he is just not that way. He says I am not romantic, deep down I am but it has been battered over the years so easier not to bother.

It's my birthday on christmas day so DH has double to buy at once. I've always written a list of things I would like, including store names and catalogue numbers where appropriate, and he then liaises with our DDs to decide what they are all getting me.

My DiL had a gift of upper lip hair remover strips. We could barely contain ourselves, but had to, as the gift was from our GD. Evidently there had been a gift stall at school, stocked with donations, for children to buy a little surprise Christmas present for Mummy, the income going to charity. Who had decided that was an appropriate gift 'for Mummy' is hard to imagine.

My Birthday is on Saturday we had planned a night at a Hotel it included a three course meal then breakfast,we have now cancelled on the last minute as COVID is taking a hold where we live not in the UK.I wonder what I will get on my Birthday as I “don’t need or want anything”

Quizzer I think what your husband did ( with the ring) was really awful.
I think in your position ( after years of thoughtless presents) I would say ‘no more presents for each of us’ and if he demands to know why, refer him to what he did last year.

Get rid of him! You are worth better than this ! By virtue of the fact you said nothing when you opened the box shows how controlling he is! Please challenge his attitude and behaviour ! It is not even funny tbh!! Do not collude with him !
We don’t buy presents but go away ( in more normal times) or have a good meal out so we both enjoy the gift! You could suggest this ??

By the way, to add salt to the wound, camera lenses are not cheap.

Quizzer sorry to say your husband is mean. My DH’s parents never gave presents to each other, their adult children or GCs.
DH however, has a generous nature and has shown our DSs to give considerate gifts, which show appreciation for the receiver.

I have ordered, bought and paid for my presents this year. (Our money is shared, so I might as well use my debit card as his.) I draw the line at wrapping them up, though! I knew what I wanted, so it was easier that way, particularly as we don't go to the shops now and he struggles with online shopping.

My DD has often chosen her dad's presents for me, as he can be a bit unpredictable when left to his own devices. Last year, he bought me Alexa, which has cheered me up throughout the pandemic, but he also brought me an electric toothbrush, which was less than thrilling.

He does try, though. The "gift" of a ring that you already own is mean and cruel.

Thank you jersey girl. No I haven’t strayed from Mumsnet. I am just fed up with some of the woman on here whinging about cruel treatment and not doing anything about it. It is never to late to be treated with respect. I know what I am talking about. I got engaged in May this year at the age of 75 to a most gorgeous, generous caring man of 77. I adore him. He treats me like a Princess. This was after years of horrible relationships which I ended because I would not put up with being treated with disrespect. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely envy and respect couples that have had a long loving marriage.

Oh and he's a pig !!

Bless you, i feel so sorry for you. What about doing a secret santa to a certain value with a list of items you would like and then he can pick what to get you and you know you will get something you want.
I hope you have a lovely christmas xx

This thread is such a depressing read. Not just the OP’s post but many of the responses to it. So many women falling over themselves to excuse him or suggesting schemes to ‘help’ him to actually be a kind and thoughtful human being. And a poster instructing a woman to be grateful for a man, any man it would seem! Raise the bar ladies!

PipandFinn

Hithere

Quizzet

It is not a "men's thing", it is a mean, inconsiderate, selfish, rude... thing.

I bet he also mistreats you in other ways.

Put a stop to it, you deserve way better than this

I absolutely agree.....

I agree too. A lens for his camera and a ring she already owned? He sounds like a selfish pig.

Just buy yourself nice things. It's the only way you're ever going to get anything you like.

As a child my late Father thought it ok and highly amusing to wrap up our Dogs rubber chewbone, lead, and a tin of Chum and place it in my Christmas Stocking! The rest of it was made up with small items of Clothing, one Toy or a game, and a colouring book if I was Lucky.
I was an only Child, he was quite mean with money when it came to my Mum and I's needs, yet he could afford to buy himself a new car every year, and visit the Pub several times a week.
He always made sure that his own needs came first, and rarely bought anything for my Mum, who worked all her life to make ends meet and clothe herself and me. I could never treat any of my own family or children in the same way, they always came first in my book.

My hubby is lovely and likes to buy me jewellery. He sometimes buys things that are far more expensive than I would like - but I can hardly complain! We don't go out much, so I wear jewellery for everyday jaunts such as going to the supermarket. The only "accident" that happened earlier this year, was that he bought me a pendant I already owned (we always go together to a favourite Jewellers!). In this instance, I was looking at something elsewhere in the shop. I told him I loved it - but already owned one exactly the same. My face gives me away, and we don't lie to one another, in any event. Hubby had already spotted the look on my face, and assumed that I didn't like the gift. The Jewellery shop offered a credit note and we agreed, so that we could leave quickly without too much embarrassment!